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I've jumped into online dating. I found one man I haven't yet met in person miffed because I wasn't able to speak on the phone with him when he wanted (though I told him it was because I took a day trip and I did accommodate him 2 previous times.)
And a second one tells me we had plans tonight, which I don't remember- we didn't set a time, I thought it was a maybe. And when I said let's meet tomorrow evening at 5 , he told me he was blocking me because this happens a lot.
I was truly interested in meeting these men- why do they expect so much when we haven't even met? Thoughts? What have your experiences been? Men are just not confident or patient these days it seems. (at least most of the ones I'm coming across.) Where is the entitlement coming from?
Maybe some of them are into control trips, and others have had bad experiences on OLD, so they have knee-jerk reactions? But still, if a time wasn't set for a date, what was his expectation? How would you know when to show up? Did he actually say you'd stood him up? Maybe the reason it happens a lot with him, is that he's not specific about time/place in setting up dates, or doesn't confirm the date?
Have you had positive experiences, too, or is it too new yet, and you haven't found many potential matches yet?
I think that people are impatient because of the experiences they've had with other members. So they're bringing judgements and emotions with them that they need to let go of rather than jump to conclusions because of how their last date went. If someone is quick to make assumptions or get frustrated, use it as a way to weed them out.
I try to be as easygoing as possible (to a certain point, of course. If a man's clearly not interested or flakes on me then I'm not.) But most people appreciate the easygoingness I think and respond in kind. It helps that I work for myself, so have a flexible schedule.
Maybe some of them are into control trips, and others have had bad experiences on OLD, so they have knee-jerk reactions? But still, if a time wasn't set for a date, what was his expectation? How would you know when to show up?
In my opinion, what he was doing is known as "bookmarking". He bookmarked her for that evening in case his other plans fell through. He probably became frustrated that she wouldn't be his easy back-up plan.
If a man contacts a woman and really wants to take her on a date, he'll set a specific time and specific place to meet. He will be very specific. Not "hey let's do something Saturday night, see ya later."
[Snip.]
Just because a woman cannot do something on the spur of the moment, don't take it personally. It's more polite for someone to plan a date several days in advance. A person doesn't have to drop everything they're doing in the moment to go meet someone.
This applies to both parties, unless I'm missing something.
This applies to both parties, unless I'm missing something.
Sure, but the OP Is a woman and she's dating men. We are talking about her experience in relation to her. She isn't the one expecting her dates to drop everything they're doing at the last minute.
Mod cut.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 07-27-2019 at 01:11 PM..
Reason: Orphaned.
I think this overall issue of how bitter people on dating apps often are stems from a toxic idea that infects our society: The idea that we all deserve and are entitled to love.
This idea causes so much pain. We are NOT entitled to love and there is no guarantee it will ever happen for us. You can be the most wonderful, kind, funny, loving, and physically attractive person on the planet and still die alone.
This false idea comes from a few things. One, a lot of people just settle with someone, which gives off the impression everyone is having this amazing romantic life when really, a lot of people just settle and end up not even having regular sex with their partners or anything. I have a couple of married friends in dead bedroom situations, and it's nothing to envy.
Two, films and books romanticize relationships and make people believe that everyone gets a "happily ever after". On the surface, people might know those stories aren't real, but they still fuel a deep subconscious belief that we all eventually get our special person.
Lastly, some people do find someone special who they truly do love. So we witness these special connections with our own eyes and we can't deny they exist.
So when you consider all of the above, it makes sense that people who are searching for love on dating sites over a long period of time and not having any luck begin to develop a deep inner wound. They can't reconcile why what happens for "everyone else" is not happening for them.
I think most of these bitter people would benefit from a long break from dating and embracing the single life, but because of all those toxic messages from society, most people feel the desperate need to continue the search every day--leading to incredible negative energy that ends up blocking them from making connections with people anyway.
I think this overall issue of how bitter people on dating apps often are stems from a toxic idea that infects our society: The idea that we all deserve and are entitled to love.
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This is very true. Not everyone finds a person.
Also, not everyone on these sites is looking for love. There is also the toxic idea (for some) that they feel entitled to sex, to find a sex partner. When/if that doesn't happen they can become angry, bitter.
Also, not everyone on these sites is looking for love. There is also the toxic idea (for some) that they feel entitled to sex, to find a sex partner. When/if that doesn't happen they can become angry, bitter.
Yes! I should've mentioned that too. And that idea is fueled by the idea that sex is a necessary thing. Something we will be unhealthy without. I can't speak for anyone else, but I've found the opposite to be true for me. My celibate years have been some of the most colorful and exciting of my life, filled with growth and many wonderful adventures.
Sex can be awesome too, of course. But I think we need to stop spreading the idea that it's necessary for health and happiness. Studies might show that sex is good for us--and it is--but it's also possible to live a good life without it. I notice a lot of men feel entitled to it because they believe it's necessary, and that because it's "good for us", they somehow deserve it. Well, eating tons of veggies is good for us too. So is wearing sunscreen, not smoking, avoiding alcohol, etc. Interesting how a lot of these same men suddenly don't care about health when it comes to those things.
Many people of both genders are flaky on OLD. If you're going to use OLD, you have to be prepared to weed thru a lot of flakes before you find the right person. It's a long term project. That's just how it is.
This ^ .
Mod note to everyone: The thread title has been edited and I've deleted posts and comments which lean toward gender bashing. I've also deleted posts and comments which have been "orphaned." An orphaned comment is one which replies to or refers to another comment/post which has since been deleted.
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Nobody hides behind a keyboard for long if they are smart. You shouldn't be corresponding with someone for longer than two weeks unless they agree to meet in person. Smart people know this.
The people who get burned repeatedly in OLD are the ones who allow someone to keep stringing them along.
I met my current spouse through OLD and we met in person within 2 weeks after contacting each other on the site. That is how it's done. You don't let someone keep stringing you along for weeks or months without meeting them; if you do, you have only yourself to blame.
Agreed. I think the one guy who blocked me thought I was doing this. Blocked me 5 days after initial communication- due to previous bad experiences.
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Did he actually say you'd stood him up? Maybe the reason it happens a lot with him, is that he's not specific about time/place in setting up dates, or doesn't confirm the date?
