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I think my original post is self explanatory (provided you take what I'm saying at face value and stop looking for hidden meaning.)
The question as you posed it doesn't make sense.
Would I date a man who doesn't find me attractive? Well, that assumes that I know he doesn't find me attractive, so of course I wouldn't want to DATE someone who isn't into me physically.
Or it assumes that he is withholding the fact that he doesn't find me attractive, which I would find out eventually because the sex would be mediocre, if it happened at all, and day-to-day
interactions would be platonic, and I'm not down for that.
Believe me, I'm taking what you're saying at face value. The problem is that even at face value your premise is flawed because it assumes that you would be dishonest with the women (either by not telling them you're not attracted or by withholding that info), and dishonesty is not a good basis for any relationship.
I think my original post is self explanatory (provided you take what I'm saying at face value and stop looking for hidden meaning.) And I don't mean "uggos" just average looking women.
And as has been pointed out to you before ...you aren’t understanding the way you come across. You're “explaining” men, women, and relationships to us as if we’ve been hiding in the woods. You’re here to tell us how people behave, when in all reality the way you describe how men “are” is more of a typical description of men on the spectrum: taking things at face value only knowing how to tell the truth, or else completely lying not very well.
That isn’t what we’ve experienced with men, it’s not because they’re keeping secrets from us. You’re describing you.
And as has been pointed out to you before ...you aren’t understanding the way you come across. You're “explaining” men, women, and relationships to us as if we’ve been hiding in the woods. You’re here to tell us how people behave, when in all reality the way you describe how men “are” is more of a typical description of men on the spectrum: taking things at face value only knowing how to tell the truth, or else completely lying not very well.
That isn’t what we’ve experienced with men, it’s not because they’re keeping secrets from us. You’re describing you.
Hmm. Most men are always straight with other men. I've never experienced a man say one thing yet mean something different. I've had men on rare occasions flat out lie, but never coax things in more socially acceptable language while meaning something else. Personally, I'm not even able to do it on the fly.
In fact, I was reading a thread on facebook a while back (it was a dating vid aimed at women on 'what men really mean on first dates') yet all the men commenting on that video were saying that they don't do it and we say what we think.
But being older now (though I still look young,) pretty much all good looking women at my age are hard work and high maintenance.
No I wouldn't date anyone who didn't find me pretty, and I also wouldn't date anyone who makes these ridiculous generalizations about women.
There are beautiful older women who are free spirited, non materialistic, and not obsessed with their looks or high maintenance. If you're not finding them, you're looking in the wrong circles.
Mrs chow is one of the kindest well meaning people I've known . This thread is a non starter because it's sorta silly. We have to have some attraction. I mean we can't get any wood if things are so fear off.
Personality counts certainly, but i'm not attracted too personality, more a bad personality turns me off. I'm attracted to looks.
Ugh. That is so superficial and gross. No wonder you're not finding anyone.
Your perception of a person's looks should be based on your attraction to who they are as a whole. I've loved numerous men who weren't that good looking by society's standards. But I loved the way they looked because I adored WHO THEY WERE.
Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer
Hard work = I'm not a millionaire living in a Chelsea mansion driving a Bentley. They're always looking to trade up.
Not true at all. Perhaps this is true for whatever YOUR standards of "good looking" are. It sounds like you're attracted to superficial, materialistic women. The sort who wear designer clothes and tons of makeup and always have their hair done perfectly. Like the "Real Housewives" sort of women.
I suspect if you were to date a hippie girl, you'd have none of these issues. Except you're probably not attracted to women like me. So there you go.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla
I think it's okay for a man in his 40s to date women in their 20s, as long as you understand they aren't going to be where you are at financially. People who are half your age will earn about half what you do.
Hmm life really doesn't work that way. I make less now than I did in my 20s. I've had a variety of jobs. It's not like people start out at point A and then climb their way up from there. You can be rich at a point in your life and then broke later on. Things happen.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RbccL
It’s not that all very attractive women are shallow. What the women you are attracted to have in common is they treat you kind of crappy. You are attracted to shallow golddiggers who happen to be very attractive physically, and treat you poorly.
This! This, this, this. It's you OP.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kevxu
There seems to be some confusion between "physically attractive" and "attraction." If you equate the two, IMO you are missing some of the most exciting people you will ever meet.
Many physically run-of-the-mill or even homely people, are very attractive as romantic and sexual partners.
Absolutely. And looks morph as our perception of a person morphs. That's why I don't get how people can swipe left on people on dating sites for anything beyond major lifestyle incompatibilities. Looks alone are nothing to judge by.
Quote:
Originally Posted by archineer
Though we are most attracted to people who look like ourselves, and she did look like a female me.
This has to be the most narcissistic thing I've read on the internet in a long time. Not even slightly true.
I'm a good looking, albeit slightly short (5'8") man, a self-employed architect, but not wealthy. I've only been in love once a long time ago (22 years now,) she was basically the spitting image of late 90s Kelly Brook (and looked like a female me.) Being young and stupid I messed this up as I broke her trust. I've dated multiple women similar to her since then but never fell in love again and I've never once in my life found a woman much less than this physically attractive.
But being older now (though I still look young,) pretty much all good looking women at my age are hard work and high maintenance, so I'm told to "lower my standards." This means dating a woman I've no attraction too. I've tried dating "average" looking women twice in the past, there was a good emotional connection both times and we got on well (both women treated me far better) but no love, I had no physical attraction to them at all and I hated having sex with both. So should I even consider this? The first one I dated remarked I'd never fall in love with her, and she went back to her previous boyfriend.
I find it fascinating that you look like Kelly Brook (whoever that is)
I also find it fascinating that you think if you were to select an 'average' woman to marry, she would be fooled by your act enough to want to marry you. Why wouldn't she be looking for true love as well? Wouldn't she find sex with you to be a drag, since you hate it so much? Are you so awesome that she'll be grateful to have whatever scraps you offer?
Apparently my standards for looks have been lowered over the years, but my standards for how I am treated have not.
Last edited by Stagemomma; 08-25-2019 at 07:40 PM..
I'm not rich. The last girlfriend moaned and moaned endlessly about it, and she's not the first. Career wise I'm behind in life as I was ill through my mid 20s and architecture is known as the job of old men for a reason.
And your last girlfriend speaks for all good-looking women, as they are not individuals but rather a homogeneous blob?
I think that the difficulty you are experiencing over and over is your own unattractiveness. And I am not talking about your physical appearance.
just my opinion, blind people don't get the chance to see what people look like. they go on feelings and I would imagaine how they feel about the person.
I would imagine blind people judge weather the the person is worthy of their attention by gut feeling.
it has been my belief that 10s go with 10s 5s go with 5s and ones go with ones. you hardly ever see a very attractive person with a not so attractive person am I right?
my feeling is not what is on the outside that helps judge a person of value. its the way a person acts towards me or in society
beautiful looking people can be so ugly inside. mean violent, etc.... do they kick the cat when walking in the door or do they bend down to pet the cat. see what I mean. looks mean nothing or should mean nothing but sadly that isn't the way in life. trust me I know im only a 4 at most. men don't want no part of me even tho im clean, well mannered, dress nice, hygene is on target, I bathe daily and oral hygene is normal too.
I always felt if I was better looking more men would look my way. trust me I tried dating sites and the good looking women are the women that got all the hits. sadly I couldn't even attract average looking men. I once set up a profile on a dating site. (one you pay for) with no pic, would start a conversation it would go to phone and only after we formed a friendship online did I send them my pic....
I learned then that looks matter. I wouldn't hear from then again. I told them after talking with them on phone and in texts that once you see my pic I wont hear from you again due to this being a pattern, they would say, oh no I like you to much for that to happen.... well I send the pic and like all the others they stop texting and calling... I figured out that looks matter not that I take care of myself. that I have good morals and values. means nothing in todays world. im have grown use to this and know that its just the way the world is sadly,
being a 4 on the outside and a 100% on the inside but im happy being alone now. I have accepted that I will be alone for the short time I have left in my world. I have stage 4 kidney cancer so its just a matter of time now as I go through my 2nd go around with my cancer.
such is life...……………..
Ugh. That is so superficial and gross. No wonder you're not finding anyone.
Your perception of a person's looks should be based on your attraction to who they are as a whole. I've loved numerous men who weren't that good looking by society's standards. But I loved the way they looked because I adored WHO THEY WERE.
For me this can go both ways. I have found things attractive in men that I otherwise had not previously once I got to know them. One guy had this rather unfortunate mustache. Like a cliche mustache. But after a while, his smile, motions and other features really kicked me in the knee wobbles. Other men who were classically beautiful I lost all attraction for when I learned that their beauty did not extend further in than their skin care products.
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