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Im in a semi long-distance 3 year relationship and to make a long story short, I feel like I have come to the realization I need the person more than I want this person. I dont know how I feel about this, and feeling this way. If your significant other came to you and said 'I need you more than I want you".. what would your reaction be? Is this bad to feel something like this? Does this make me a bad one in the relationship?
I live in MA, sig other lives in NJ... if that matters.
You should not be "needing" somebody. You should want them in your life. but not need them to function. You should be your own independent person, and when someone is in your life that makes it better, that's great.
Your missing the point about relationships. It's not needing or wanting, that's a feeling like the tide or the wind, and changes all the time. Relationships that are strong are grounded and have foundational underpinnings.
Being the right person and set yourself apart, is way more important than a feeling. Isn't everyone is always looking for the "right one"?
The day you “need” anyone is the day you’ve crossed into unhealthy territory.
Well ... when you join with another as in marriage, hopefully needs develop as you become one. The key is only independent people can choose dependency.
My left leg is independent from my right, but we need both legs to run.
Do you really need them though? What would happen if they were no longer in your life? I think people are stronger than they realize. Unless they're your sole provider and you can't work or whatever, I don't think anybody really needs anyone. Even if you don't have any other friends, you'd be able to recover emotionally if they were no longer in your life. Of course it would suck, but recovering from loss is part of life.
Why would needing someone be a good thing in a relationship? All it means is you are with them to fill a void inside you. It doesn't mean you have true deeper feelings for them.
Im in a semi long-distance 3 year relationship and to make a long story short, I feel like I have come to the realization I need the person more than I want this person. I dont know how I feel about this, and feeling this way. If your significant other came to you and said 'I need you more than I want you".. what would your reaction be? Is this bad to feel something like this? Does this make me a bad one in the relationship?
I live in MA, sig other lives in NJ... if that matters.
I would leave the relationship because I would feel the only reason my partner is keeping me around is based on "dependency," not desire/love. IMO, that's not enough, and that's not healthy.
When people attract to me based on dependency/need, they feel like "contact paper" to me, and I feel smothered and enveloped. It doesn't feel healthy to me. Then, I retract and move away from them.
I think a relationship based primarily, or solely, on "need," is a recipe for disaster. Why? Well, when one person is in a position of strength, or dominance, and the other person is in a position of weakness (read: need,) the stronger person can easily use, abuse and exploit the weaker person, i.e., the person who is needy.
Idk... depends on who “I need you“ is coming from and how that person expresses themselves IMO. I had just about had it with someone I’ll refer to as “emotionally constipated”, the strong silent type, I blurted out: “I can’t even tell if you like me any more!” After another of his “do whatever you want” comments.
A couple hours later I got a text: “come back, I need you.”
So maybe it doesn’t send shivers down every woman’s spine, but coming from him I knew it was a huge deal.
Need is seen differently by everyone. If you’re no longer attracted to your SO, or just dealing with them out of habit, OP, then there’s not really anything to discuss.
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