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Im in a semi long-distance 3 year relationship and to make a long story short, I feel like I have come to the realization I need the person more than I want this person. I dont know how I feel about this, and feeling this way. If your significant other came to you and said 'I need you more than I want you".. what would your reaction be? Is this bad to feel something like this? Does this make me a bad one in the relationship?
I live in MA, sig other lives in NJ... if that matters.
Well needing someone gives off a clingy, codependent vibe many folks considers problematic. Personally, I rather be with someone out of desire rather than necessity. With that said, if my SO told me he needed me, I wouldn't run for the hills. We would sit down and explore what he means by it. We've been through quite a lot over the years. We've been there for each other through our hardest times. Nothing strengthens a bond quite like it. It wouldn't seem too crazy to need someone who adds such value and meaning to your life.
So I wouldn't beat yourself up, OP. Discuss it with your SO. Explore this feeling. Be gentle with yourself as you do.
Yeah. I would rather be wanted than needed.
A child needs someone to take care of him. A "need" is a necessity.
An adult wants to be with someone. A "want" is a choice.
I don't NEED to be dependent on someone - I WANT a partner...
However, I think that most relationships are combination of wants and needs.
Neither is preferable. A teacher of mine used to say love was no longer needing someone for sexual gratification or to make yourself feel good, but still wanting them around.
Me? I'd rather let people do their own thing and hope they leave me to do mine.
Im in a semi long-distance 3 year relationship and to make a long story short, I feel like I have come to the realization I need the person more than I want this person. I dont know how I feel about this, and feeling this way. If your significant other came to you and said 'I need you more than I want you".. what would your reaction be? Is this bad to feel something like this? Does this make me a bad one in the relationship?
I live in MA, sig other lives in NJ... if that matters.
OP, what do you mean you need them? As opposed to wanting them (as much)?
I will guess because it is long distance, and 3 years already, that you *need* to have that person who is there for you (in spirit, and in texts), you need moral support for life's daily things, you like knowing they are there for you (but at a distance), and at 3 years.... maybe you are not so sure about marrying this person.
They are equal in my book. Wanting or needing something is essentially a challenge, which we all face. There has to be a solution. Where it becomes an interpersonal issue is when the individual tries to make their wants or needs my problem. That is a big turn off.
At 23, very depressed and madly in love with a wild man, he said, "If you need me, you don't love me." And I thought about it, and said, "I need you because I love you." (It's not like I loved many people and that's still true.)
I think I knew a lot back then.
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