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I have yet to meet a man who already has a child or children for whom having another child in a new relationship is either a deal-breaker or a strong desire.
I have met many men for whom having a relationship with a usually-younger woman exacts the price of another child, and they sure don't expect to be very involved in care taking. I think being a parent AGAIN is the price they expect to pay for the new relationship.
Sure isn't inspiring. I sincerely doubt men would be strongly inclined to have more children out of a desire to have more children.
I have yet to meet a man who already has a child or children for whom having another child in a new relationship is either a deal-breaker or a strong desire.
I have met many men for whom having a relationship with a usually-younger woman exacts the price of another child, and they sure don't expect to be very involved in care taking. I think being a parent AGAIN is the price they expect to pay for the new relationship.
Sure isn't inspiring. I sincerely doubt men would be strongly inclined to have more children out of a desire to have more children.
My current boyfriend and I had a conversation this past Sunday that made me feel a bit mislead. We were talking about future plans (like 5 year plan type stuff), and kids came up. Now, he’s divorced with two children however since the day he met he has told me on multiple occasions that he would have more children (which for me would be a deal breaker if he didn’t). So Sunday when we were talking about the future, I asked him about kids again and he basically said he’s getting older and he gets conflicted from time to time about whether he wants more. And then he went into the whole thing how it’s not easy, and he’s in his late 40’s and all that. I told him, that he’s aware I want children and he said yes, and then basically he started saying we’re both older (I’m 38) and how it might not be so easy to get pregnant, and that if I want to be pregnant by 40 we’d have to start trying in half a year and all this stuff. I kind of got a bit quiet and then he said “I think you’d be an amazing mom” and then he implied that he wouldn’t deny me having a child, but I feel like having a child is something we both should want, not just something for him to do to appease me. Also one thing he’s not aware of is that I froze my eggs a few years ago, I know I will have to tell him eventually but it’s a weird thing to bring up. I also feel I have to bring up this topic again, because I need a straight answer from him but I also feel like he might tell me what I want to hear out of fear of losing me. I don’t want to be in this relationship another year only to find out he doesn’t want kids, so I think maybe it’s time to bring up the egg freezing to let him know how serious I am about this. What do you guys think? How should I approach this?
1) He doesn't want any more kids.
2) He would have one for you.
3) YOU need to decide if that's good enough for you.
4) The fact that you haven't told him after 5 years that you froze your eggs says a lot about your relationship.
5) Do you live together? If so, you made it much harder to untangle if you split up. Do want's right. Not what's easy.
Sorry. I misread. How long have you been together?
While you wouldn't know if you'd want kids with THAT person, would you know if you wanted kids at all?
I feel like this guy should know if he wants more kids - he's in his late 40's and already has kids so he's not unfamiliar with what that entails.
I know Bebe tends to overanalyze situations but frankly, at her age and with her desire to have children, she should be analyzing this one.
He does know. He just isn't say an outright no for fear of the relationship ending. OP, how long have you been dating this guy?
My friend met a guy when she was about 25. They went on a date. He said he was not interested in getting married ever. She said, I am so we probably shouldn't date. I think they just celebrated their 30th anniversary.
I also was dating at 37. I met a lot of guys for a period of about 3 years from 34-37. Some were divorced with kids. But the one who was sure he wanted kids is the guy I am still married to. I had my first at 40 and second at 41. DO NOT waste time with someone who is not on the same page as you. (He's not). Sorry. I know it's hard.
I don't think any one has done anything wrong in this situation. You certainly have right to press issue, given your biological time frame. But he has every right not to give definitive answer to until he is sure that he can be the kind of father he can be proud to be -- after all nearly anyone can 'have a kid'. I hope stars align for you having a family, but sometimes they don't -- even with a lot of planning and preparation, circumstances change, minds change, the world changes....
1) He doesn't want any more kids.
2) He would have one for you.
3) YOU need to decide if that's good enough for you.
4) The fact that you haven't told him after 5 years that you froze your eggs says a lot about your relationship.
5) Do you live together? If so, you made it much harder to untangle if you split up. Do want's right. Not what's easy.
Sorry. I misread. How long have you been together?
We've been together 4 months, we do not live together
My friend met a guy when she was about 25. They went on a date. He said he was not interested in getting married ever. She said, I am so we probably shouldn't date. I think they just celebrated their 30th anniversary.
I also was dating at 37. I met a lot of guys for a period of about 3 years from 34-37. Some were divorced with kids. But the one who was sure he wanted kids is the guy I am still married to. I had my first at 40 and second at 41. DO NOT waste time with someone who is not on the same page as you. (He's not). Sorry. I know it's hard.
Up until this past Sunday, every time kids were brought up he said he would have more kids without hesitation, so now I feel like he was misleading me. He's always been open and honest with me, that's why this comes as a bit of a shock. I understand people can change their minds, but a change of heart within a few months is a bit suspect.
I should also add he is an excellent father to the two children he has now, and based on that he is the kind of father I would want for my child.
I understand people can change their minds, but a change of heart within a few months is a bit suspect.
No, not really. He's had situations about being there for his kids on holidays very recently--your previous post. One time like that can cause someone to change their mind.
1) He doesn't want any more kids.
2) He would have one for you.
3) YOU need to decide if that's good enough for you.
4) The fact that you haven't told him after 5 years that you froze your eggs says a lot about your relationship.
5) Do you live together? If so, you made it much harder to untangle if you split up. Do want's right. Not what's easy.
Sorry. I misread. How long have you been together?
They have been dating for about 4 months.
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