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Yes! This!!!
Now a total taboo because most people insist that being friends and dating are two different things and should be kept separate.
That's because they are separate.
Quote:
People actually FEAR being put into a friend zone.
Someone here posted about how this was called "hanging out" back in their day. Even then...I didn't why they called it "hanging out"...that's how some people wound up in the friend zone. Yes, I have known people who were friends first became marital partners, so yeah, there are exceptions. Usually it was because their timing was off or there was always an attraction, but they did't act on it...at the time (like I said timing).
For instance, I had a recently married friend that wound up marrying his...friends with benefits.
Quote:
You see, generally friends knew each other much longer before they started dating vs nowadays dating total strangers...
Going to have to disagree with you there. I would say things have pretty much stayed the same. Or the pendulum has swung in the other direction yet again?
I am friends with a handful of women, but wouldn't date them due to certain deal breakers, and same for them dating me. They had young children, or we weren't compatible in other ways...and just became friends once we found out. VERY few became my close friend when we'd come to realize we weren't compatible.
BUT....and I find THIS important to note....
I had several women that said they wanted to be my "friend", you know, in case there wasn't any chemistry or whatever. When I would reach out to them to "Hang out" some time...I'd get the blow off or ghosted anyways. So they were just blowing smoke and really didn't want to have me in their life in ANY capacity...even as a friend. Saying they just want to be friends, but not actually BE friends.
Her: "I'd prefer that we just be friends
Me: "Sure...I would like that...how about we hang out this weekend?"
Her: "Oh, um...yeah..I dunno...I think I'm busy that weekend"
After a couple more attempts at trying to get her to "hang out", or even invite her out to a group party or BBQ where there are other people around, I'd still get blown off or ghosted. That's when I thought, "Well, so much for the "friends first" route...when they don't even want to be your friend.
This is why men prefer the "D" word. Making their intentions known. I don't care for ambiguity.
Last edited by ThisTown123; 02-01-2020 at 03:49 AM..
Yup. My wife and I were friends for about a year and a half before we got together. We had thoroughly innocent friend dates, had lunch together, and went to a concert together with no expectations. We were friends, both dating others, just having a nice time with absolutely no designs for a sexual/intimate relationship.
You were both dating others, but...you were not dating each other?! No intimacy whatsoever for that entire year-and-a-half? Not even a kiss?
Like I said earlier, in contrast to your situation, I had a male friend that married his FWB (friends with benefits)...so obviously you weren't doing that with her for a year in half.
Anyways... People are scared to death to call it a "date" these days, the dreaded "D" word. I avoid people that cannot call it what it is. If it walks like a duck, swims like a duck, well...you know.
Last edited by ThisTown123; 02-01-2020 at 03:46 AM..
Yes! This!!!
Now a total taboo because most people insist that being friends and dating are two different things and should be kept separate.
People actually FEAR being put into a friend zone.
Perhaps we should reevaluate our beliefs and go back to being friends first?
You see, generally friends knew each other much longer before they started dating vs nowadays dating total strangers...
Used to, I never dated a stranger. Who I dated was always someone from school and then work who I was already hanging around. Guys who wanted to date me would happily be in the friend zone working to get out.
Everything is different now with OLD. I did a little bit of OLD for a while and I wanted a meet and greet. I didn't phrase it this way, but yeah on the vibe thing. Everyone does that in some fashion.
No way do I want to get stuck for a whole dinner or even lunch with someone that right away one or both of us know it's a no go.
IDK why men are so concerned about the money aspect. Coffee is the pre-date. Has been for a long time. Or some meet for a cocktail. Either way it's cheap.
Before I began courting my future bride, I invited her to come over for dinner at the place where I was staying.
I was living in a boarding house, they served a big dinner each night. So it was a dinner for about 15 people.
Right after dinner we had an informal Bible study in the living room.
So it was not her and I alone that first evening.
As our habit was, each platter of food was passed around once. Then when they were passed around the second time the platters skipped me. To make this process easier I was in the habit of sitting at the far end of the table. My date sat next to me, and when she saw that the food was skipping me, she made a complaint. She did not realize that after everyone had refused additional food, then all the platters were passed to me, and I cleaned the platters onto my plate.
On our first night out, she tried to defend my food. That impressed me.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elnina
Yes! This!!!
Now a total taboo because most people insist that being friends and dating are two different things and should be kept separate.
People actually FEAR being put into a friend zone.
Perhaps we should reevaluate our beliefs and go back to being friends first?
You see, generally friends knew each other much longer before they started dating vs nowadays dating total strangers...
I think maybe we should accept that time marches on and generally people know better as they age. Times have changed, we are busier than ever. OLD just puts more people that you know are open to dating in front of you, especially if you have a cramped schedule, to where being around “friends” is even a challenge. At least with a stranger, you know what they are there for and they are at least open to dating.
Friends first is a foolish philosophy to adhere to in dating. Sorry, not sorry.
Someone here posted about how this was called "hanging out" back in their day. Even then...I didn't why they called it "hanging out"...that's how some people wound up in the friend zone. Yes, I have known people who were friends first became marital partners, so yeah, there are exceptions. Usually it was because their timing was off or there was always an attraction, but they did't act on it...at the time (like I said timing).
For instance, I had a recently married friend that wound up marrying his...friends with benefits.
Going to have to disagree with you there. I would say things have pretty much stayed the same. Or the pendulum has swung in the other direction yet again?
I am friends with a handful of women, but wouldn't date them due to certain deal breakers, and same for them dating me. They had young children, or we weren't compatible in other ways...and just became friends once we found out. VERY few became my close friend when we'd come to realize we weren't compatible.
BUT....and I find THIS important to note....
I had several women that said they wanted to be my "friend", you know, in case there wasn't any chemistry or whatever. When I would reach out to them to "Hang out" some time...I'd get the blow off or ghosted anyways. So they were just blowing smoke and really didn't want to have me in their life in ANY capacity...even as a friend. Saying they just want to be friends, but not actually BE friends.
Her: "I'd prefer that we just be friends
Me: "Sure...I would like that...how about we hang out this weekend?"
Her: "Oh, um...yeah..I dunno...I think I'm busy that weekend"
After a couple more attempts at trying to get her to "hang out", or even invite her out to a group party or BBQ where there are other people around, I'd still get blown off or ghosted. That's when I thought, "Well, so much for the "friends first" route...when they don't even want to be your friend.
This is why men prefer the "D" word. Making their intentions known. I don't care for ambiguity.
I think men have a better chance at getting out of the friend zone than women do. Most women's feelings for a friend can grow and develop into romantic feelings.
For most men, if he's not into a woman that way, he's just not. It rarely changes.
I think men have a better chance at getting out of the friend zone than women do. Most women's feelings for a friend can grow and develop into romantic feelings.
Really?? How so. This is the first time I am hearing of this. I've experienced, and had read on here, that it's quite the severe opposite.
Really?? How so. This is the first time I am hearing of this. I've experienced, and had read on here, that it's quite the severe opposite.
I dont remember where I read this. Ive read lots of different psychology and relationship stuff so it could have come from anywhere. It was probably also just someones opinion.
Have there been research studies done on it? None I know of.
Im trying to think of a time when a friend turned into a love interest and nothing is coming to mind. There were times I didnt find a guy inherently physically attractive but after actually conversing with him I saw he was funny, smart, interesting etc. and then I was attracted to him. Maybe it means that.
Men are either physically attracted to a woman or not, but will she win you over with her personality if you are not physically into her?
Last edited by moongirl00; 02-01-2020 at 03:38 PM..
I think men have a better chance at getting out of the friend zone than women do. Most women's feelings for a friend can grow and develop into romantic feelings.
For most men, if he's not into a woman that way, he's just not. It rarely changes.
I'm not a man and this is how it is for me. Most guys that have liked me, it's been a mixed bag. Some liked me from the start, others grew to have feelings for me over time, or it just took them a while before they realized it. Regardless, how attraction works is widely varied for everyone. It depends on the person, not the gender.
I dont remember where I read this. Ive read lots of different psychology and relationship stuff so it could have come from anywhere. It was probably also just someones opinion.
Have there been research studies done on it? None I know of.
Im trying to think of a time when a friend turned into a love interest and nothing is coming to mind. There were times I didnt find a guy inherently physically attractive but after actually conversing with him I saw he was funny, smart, interesting etc. and then I was attracted to him. Maybe it means that.
Men are either physically attracted to a woman or not, but will she win you over with her personality if you are not physically into her?
You mean you've never heard it's near impossible for a man to get out of the friend zone once he's been placed there?
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