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I would say I have only been in 2 real relationships. My last relationship I was really into her and cared for her a lot (its rare for me to care for someone cause I am pretty cold person) but it didn't work out and she broke up with me. Hurt me a lot. I am 28 have a decent job as a RN so at least I got that part out of the way. A lot of my friends are in relationships or in long term ones and I usually don't care about those things always telling myself to focus on my career and make sure that I have a stable job to support myself but its starting to get to me.
I recently was facebook stalking my ex and it kinda sucks because she is in a new relationship and I wonder how come the dating market isn't as kind to me. I try to work on myself I think I have a good personality, dress decently, educated with multiple bachelor degrees, work out/fit, been told im good looking, take care of myself but I usually end up only being able to get with girls that dont have much going on from them like looks, career, heavy set, or they have baggage like kids. My ex gf was really attractive looking and had a good personality too makes it harder to date. We fought a lot which I learned that sometimes you gotta pick and choose your battles. A lot of the times I ended up being right but did I really "win" in the end.
I have a coworker who is 50 years old and he is divorced and kind of living the bachelor life at that age which is disheartening. Makes me wonder if I will end up like that or end up like some of my other friends who pretty much settled into a relationship so they don't become lonely. With options like this then I rather just be alone.
Last edited by FeistyCar7; 04-24-2020 at 12:09 AM..
Oh, 28 year old, ye little know what "older" actually is.
You're at an age when "game time" is just starting. Be honest with yourself about your flaws, but also be forgiving with yourself. And be open-spirited. Consider all prospects openly, because you never know who is going to feel like "home" to you. You're just beginning the search, not ending it. It will happen.
28 is so young. Enjoy your freedom while you have it. I had fun in my 20s, dating different people, and eventually learning what I would want in a mate.
OP, where are you specifically looking for dates? You did not say.
You just said you're a "cold person." Now let's see if we can solve the mystery and get the Scooby Snacks. Hmmmm.
Right. That's an obvious one to work on. OP, what do you think makes you a cold person? Why do you think that is? There must be some way to learn to open up. Were your parents pretty reserved, not showing you much affection?
Another obvious flag in your OP is that you said you and your gf fought a lot. Whatever could have been so important, to generate so many fights, such a frequency of fights? Maybe you weren't compatible personalities? But you seemed to imply, that a lot of the fights were your fault, and that you need to learn to "pick your battles". So it sounds like you instigated some of the fights. Maybe most of the fights? And yet, you say you really cared for her. Those two things sound like contradictions to me. You truly cared for her, and she had a good personality, yet you picked fights with her? Could you tell us more about that? If she had a good personality, it sounds like she should have been easy to get along with.
The good news is, that you're young. You have plenty of time to work this stuff out. If you want to get serious about it, you could do a year, give or take, of counseling/therapy, and you'd be ready for your 30's armed with new relationship skills, new empathy skills, etc. (Assuming you found a good therapist.)
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 04-24-2020 at 07:15 AM..
28 and little clue about how to maintain a long term relationship is pretty normal. The OP needs to keep practicing and learning from their relationship mistakes.
A lot of my friends are in relationships or in long term ones and I usually don't care about those things always telling myself to focus on my career and make sure that I have a stable job to support myself but its starting to get to me.
OP, come on, you KNOW the deal.
Remember this thread you posted only a couple of months ago?
Quote:
Originally Posted by FeistyCar7
I have always realized I was kinda of a selfish guy and realized I am pretty cheap.
This brought to light after having a conversation with a friend he has helped me out a lot with various things and is a pretty smart guy so I value his opinion. He was saying how I never want to drive or use my car, I never splurge on things of comfort for my own apartment (buy a couch or tv) my apartment is literally bare bones with an air mattress, cheap walmart table and chair.
Dating life is non-existent. I don't like feeling used or feel taken advantage of ...
I am always one foot in one foot out never fully committing.
OP, how could have have a relationship, having an apartment with no couch and only an air mattress on the floor? This is hard to believe. And you're a nurse, so you make good money. But you couldn't "splurge" on a used couch and a regular bed? If you were cheap with your gf you cared so much for, I can see why there would be fights. Not that you need to shower anyone with gifts, but going out to lunch and dinner occasionally, a concert here and there...
That must be one heck of a retirement fund you're building up already!
I try to work on myself I think I have a good personality, dress decently, educated with multiple bachelor degrees, work out/fit, been told im good looking, take care of myself but I usually end up only being able to get with girls that dont have much going on from them like looks, career, heavy set, or they have baggage like kids. My ex gf was really attractive looking and had a good personality too makes it harder to date.
Because your ex was good-looking and had a good personality, she is harder to date??
Well, if that is your reasoning and you're attractive/fit/awesome/all that, then it should be easy for you to date!
How can you be a cold person and have a good personality?
And what do you mean "get with" all these B-level gals?
I think there is plenty here to unpack, OP.
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If you were cheap with your gf you cared so much for, I can see why there would be fights. Not that you need to shower anyone with gifts, but going out to lunch and dinner occasionally, a concert here and there...
