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I think the older a person gets, the more *problems* they're likely to encounter with online dating. To me, they sound like they've probably had it with losers and are just bold enough to say so. I could understand that.
Or there's a possibility that they're passive-aggressive and telling people they dated for a short time exactly what they think of them. This would be a red flag for me.
In my experience, people who talk about "drama" and "haters" are magnets for both - for a reason.
I mean, if you don't usually get involved in drama, why would you need to post that?
To me, it's ALWAYS a warning to stay away from that person, not an invitation to be with them.
It seems to me, though, that online dating would be fraught with drama. Especially since it's an environment where you're putting yourself out there for *so many* people, with less of an initial filter over who you communicate with. Not at all like in the real world where you probably don't have the chance to meet so many at once, of so many different types, some of whom may feel fewer qualms about being drama-llamas because they're safe behind a computer screen. (Take [bleep] pics as a good example. How many guys do you think would walk up to a woman in person and [bleep]?)
I would imagine it's a lot harder to avoid drama in online dating, even if you're successful at doing so in real life.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 05-04-2020 at 02:21 PM..
Reason: Inappropriate lanuage.
I would imagine it's a lot harder to avoid drama in online dating, even if you're successful at doing so in real life.
I do think that is true, because when you're meeting online you really can't tell at first if someone has a vibe that might tip you off to their dramatic tendencies.
Even so, there's no use in writing "no drama" because the people who have this problem aren't known for being self-aware enough to recognize it.
"Oh, she said 'no drama.' I'd better skip this profile ...."
Yeah, I think 90% of women's profiles are just this (I'm sure the men, too). In addition, a lot of "Please read my profile!" or "If you're under 6 feet tall, swipe on by!"
Very berating and condescending profiles run amok.
Yeah, I think 90% of women's profiles are just this (I'm sure the men, too). In addition, a lot of "Please read my profile!" or "If you're under 6 feet tall, swipe on by!"
Very berating and condescending profiles run amok.
Probably because they have to be. Nobody probably ever put "no drama!" or "please read my profile!" if they hadn't been subjected to a lot of drama or people who hadn't read their profiles...
I particularly learned that stating it, followed by maintaining that healthy boundary HAS alleviated drama.
As for don't waste my time attitudes ...is it said with indifference? How is it meant?
I had a guy say that to me once and it made sense. It was basically his way of saying... Listen that circumstance is not mine to fix. So unfold that baggage and move on ...
That actually made sense then for him to say..'don't waste my time.'
More likely, even if what you say is true, that person who has lacked the wisdom to avoid those situations in the past.
But it's been my experience that those people who talk about drama are the biggest pot stirrers of them all.
More likely, even if what you say is true, that person who has lacked the wisdom to avoid those situations in the past.
But it's been my experience that those people who talk about drama are the biggest pot stirrers of them all.
I sincerely wish to understand.
So a person who is direct and asserts a boundary is a pot stirrer?
Trying here to fathom a therapist telling a person they are a pot stirrer if they set a boundary and stick to the consistent healthy behavior and principle of drawing lines. Perhaps I'm not clearly understanding your experienced viewpoint. Enlighten please?
I think the older a person gets, the more *problems* they're likely to encounter with online dating. To me, they sound like they've probably had it with losers and are just bold enough to say so. I could understand that.
Admittedly, I've never used those phrases in my profile, but I also don't write someone off who does because I have had my share of meeting people online who simply had never mastered the basics of adult life and/or who were just messed up in the head...stuff I wouldn't have believed anyone would do if I hadn't experienced it personally.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MPowering1
Or there's a possibility that they're passive-aggressive and telling people they dated for a short time exactly what they think of them. This would be a red flag for me.
That's a possibility, too.
I'd say using the "no-drama" and "don't waste my time" phrases are yellow flags, but not red flags for me. They do come off as a bit jaded & cynical, so it's not really starting things off on the right foot, even if the person isn't darma prone. But I do understand the underlying frustration behind those phrases.
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