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There is the scenario where rekindled love really seems to work, it is if you met someone generally when you were pretty young fell in love with them and then had to break up, not because of a problem with the relationship but because of an intervening factor, like parental disapproval or moving. When these people get back together later, they tend to fall very hard for each and more interestingly they have a really low divorce rate under 2% if they later marry. This is the scenario where I think it works.
There is the scenario where rekindled love really seems to work, it is if you met someone generally when you were pretty young fell in love with them and then had to break up, not because of a problem with the relationship but because of an intervening factor, like parental disapproval or moving. When these people get back together later, they tend to fall very hard for each and more interestingly they have a really low divorce rate under 2% if they later marry. This is the scenario where I think it works.
I think it is possible and have seen it happen, my best friend being one of the couples. Her and her husband rekindled and reignited after 8 years apart and they are still together over 20+ years later.
But, if you are already having doubts and questioning the situation, then maybe it isn't the right choice for you. This isn't something that can be forced.
I think it is possible and have seen it happen, my best friend being one of the couples. Her and her husband rekindled and reignited after 8 years apart and they are still together over 20+ years later.
But, if you are already having doubts and questioning the situation, then maybe it isn't the right choice for you. This isn't something that can be forced.
You know, I know it's true too. My own sister rekindled with her husband after 5 years apart. And my own parents also rekindled after 10 years apart and stayed together until my father passed away. I don't know why I forgot about them. Still, I can tell that none of them had let the other person leave their heart like I did. So I truly do think my situation is different.
You know, I know it's true too. My own sister rekindled with her husband after 5 years apart. And my own parents also rekindled after 10 years apart and stayed together until my father passed away. I don't know why I forgot about them. Still, I can tell that none of them had let the other person leave their heart like I did. So I truly do think my situation is different.
So this is not about igniting a fire for the first time, it's about RE-igniting a fire that was once there a while ago. The story goes, you met the first time, there was FIRE and then things ended and you both went your separate ways and had other relationships, but those didn't work out either, and now the other person wants to reunite again but you are unable to because you've already gone through the process of replacing that person in your heart/mind, and this feeling just can't be restored. Anyone else ever feel this way if an ex tries to come back when you both are single again? Like you just don't feel anything for them anymore, not because they did anything wrong to you, but because someone else took up their space in your heart? I only have space for one guy at a time and it's not recyclable.
Am I crazy or what? I just wonder how some people are able to keep recycling. I feel like they must not have felt real love for one or the other then.
If it isn't a mutual feeling, I would think it doesn't have much of a chance. If both parties are interested yes, go for it if others aren't involved. You could test the waters just once to see if there is chemistry and if not, leave well enough alone. I would be clear up front it's a test and only a test. No misleading anyone.
If it isn't a mutual feeling, I would think it doesn't have much of a chance. If both parties are interested yes, go for it if others aren't involved. You could test the waters just once to see if there is chemistry and if not, leave well enough alone. I would be clear up front it's a test and only a test. No misleading anyone.
Thanks. We actually did that before - got back together and tested the waters and it ended up flopping. Each time it flops my feelings for him die a little. To the point that if someone new came along, they would have a way better chance than he does because I'll have a higher opinion of the new person. I just know that once I fall in love with someone else, I can't fall back in love with the old person again. I know this because I have tried it before. On the other hand, he got with someone else and when that ended he wanted to get back with me and he just picked up right where he left off and I was amazed. I don't get that. I don't get how someone can do that. I can't do that.
Thanks. We actually did that before - got back together and tested the waters and it ended up flopping. Each time it flops my feelings for him die a little. To the point that if someone new came along, they would have a way better chance than he does because I'll have a higher opinion of the new person. I just know that once I fall in love with someone else, I can't fall back in love with the old person again. I know this because I have tried it before. On the other hand, he got with someone else and when that ended he wanted to get back with me and he just picked up right where he left off and I was amazed. I don't get that. I don't get how someone can do that. I can't do that.
IMO, you shouldn't want to do that.
Personally, if it didn't work the first time, it's not going to work subsequent times, and you end up being filler for someone else's wants or needs in that moment. Put them in the file of "somebody I used to know" and move on.
I think of people from my past...granted most were not long term or serious relationships...but it depends on how I felt about them during the relationship, as it ended, and after it ended.
My very first boyfriend as a young teenager, I felt all kinds of infatuated young love for. But I was maturing FAST and we broke up, once I started high school, and I dated a few other guys...later found myself alone and I don't remember who reached out to whom, but he got back into my life for a short time. Actually moved into our house. I don't think it took long for me to push him out of my life, and I remember feeling utterly disgusted with everything about him by the point I did. How did I not notice the first time around, this little thing and that little thing that later filled me with revulsion? I don't know. I think I was just high on the idea of being desirable to "an older man" (lol he was 19, but he had a TRUCK though!)
And sometimes that thing that is called by different names, lust, infatuation, limerance, NRE (New Relationship Energy) or whatever you want to call it, the initial zing...it can last up to 2 years according to some sources I have read. And you might think that you are in love, but then it wears off and reality comes home to roost, and you just don't love that person as much as you thought. So it ends, and no, it does not come back.
But the few guys where I developed very intense feelings and they flaked out on me or broke up with me while I was still blazing with high passion? I generally remained interested and if they'd caught me at the right point when I was available, I'd have taken up with them again. Of course, then, the reality of them and my different perspective at a different time in life, might mean I would simply be disappointed, looking for a feeling that is actually attached to a memory, not the person I have in front of me here and now. I only recall getting a sort-of chance at that with one or two boyfriends, also from my teenage years, who came back to my life/bed as FWB or hookups, and I still wanted them...but they left me wanting. They did not come back to really BE with me, just to have a bit of fun. I was willing to make do with that at the time though, and maybe if they had tried to rekindle an actual relationship, it would not have worked.
Thanks. We actually did that before - got back together and tested the waters and it ended up flopping. Each time it flops my feelings for him die a little. To the point that if someone new came along, they would have a way better chance than he does because I'll have a higher opinion of the new person. I just know that once I fall in love with someone else, I can't fall back in love with the old person again. I know this because I have tried it before. On the other hand, he got with someone else and when that ended he wanted to get back with me and he just picked up right where he left off and I was amazed. I don't get that. I don't get how someone can do that. I can't do that.
You may think that's what he wants but I don't think that's what he wants.
But I'm like you, once it's been snuffed, it stays snuffed.
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