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Thanks. We actually did that before - got back together and tested the waters and it ended up flopping. Each time it flops my feelings for him die a little. To the point that if someone new came along, they would have a way better chance than he does because I'll have a higher opinion of the new person. I just know that once I fall in love with someone else, I can't fall back in love with the old person again. I know this because I have tried it before. On the other hand, he got with someone else and when that ended he wanted to get back with me and he just picked up right where he left off and I was amazed. I don't get that. I don't get how someone can do that. I can't do that.
Sometimes it just doesn't make sense so don't try to figure it out. Ahhh new info. You already tried a second time and it didn't work. Third time isn't the charm, don't do it.
I knew a couple who had this happen to them. They were married almost 5 years, divorced (no kids), and ran into each other again a few years later. Married a year later Will be celebrating their 50th in a few months. Not saying it's good for everybody, but it does happen.
There's a lot of different variables that depend upon the players involved. The factors can be physical, emotional or the business side of the relationship (finances, day to day living, personal taste, etc.). 9/10 most relationships will be difficult to re-establish because there was something fundamentally wrong. I get along with the father of my kids just fine. We are polite and even in the marriage rarely had a fight. However, he just feels like a brother. The annoying brother I want to get away from. We married young and he is completely opposite me in personality and taste. I think we were young enough that hormones made up for so much that was lacking. So, to make a long story short, I think it really depends on the factors, what you want to rehash. I think it will take a counselor to get things off on a new foot.
I think of people from my past...granted most were not long term or serious relationships...but it depends on how I felt about them during the relationship, as it ended, and after it ended.
My very first boyfriend as a young teenager, I felt all kinds of infatuated young love for. But I was maturing FAST and we broke up, once I started high school, and I dated a few other guys...later found myself alone and I don't remember who reached out to whom, but he got back into my life for a short time. Actually moved into our house. I don't think it took long for me to push him out of my life, and I remember feeling utterly disgusted with everything about him by the point I did. How did I not notice the first time around, this little thing and that little thing that later filled me with revulsion? I don't know. I think I was just high on the idea of being desirable to "an older man" (lol he was 19, but he had a TRUCK though!)
And sometimes that thing that is called by different names, lust, infatuation, limerance, NRE (New Relationship Energy) or whatever you want to call it, the initial zing...it can last up to 2 years according to some sources I have read. And you might think that you are in love, but then it wears off and reality comes home to roost, and you just don't love that person as much as you thought. So it ends, and no, it does not come back.
But the few guys where I developed very intense feelings and they flaked out on me or broke up with me while I was still blazing with high passion? I generally remained interested and if they'd caught me at the right point when I was available, I'd have taken up with them again. Of course, then, the reality of them and my different perspective at a different time in life, might mean I would simply be disappointed, looking for a feeling that is actually attached to a memory, not the person I have in front of me here and now. I only recall getting a sort-of chance at that with one or two boyfriends, also from my teenage years, who came back to my life/bed as FWB or hookups, and I still wanted them...but they left me wanting. They did not come back to really BE with me, just to have a bit of fun. I was willing to make do with that at the time though, and maybe if they had tried to rekindle an actual relationship, it would not have worked.
This is interesting, Sonic.
Maybe it IS just a case of one person feeling like there is still Unfinished Business.
But then again, I have felt that way about a previous ex. Like I was not ready to be done with him at all and he ended things prematurely (in my eyes) and after some time I was forced to move on and did. And of course low and behold, this person tries to come back later, and that feeling of longing and wanting that I still had right after the breakup and up to a year or two later, was COMPLETELY gone by then. Mostly because I had replaced him with someone else in my heart (only cuz I had to). But he had not done the same thing when he moved on. I'm not sure if it even works the same for other people. It's all confusing and strange to me.
I know two couples who parted ways and then got back together after years.
My stepmom's parents. They divorced, he stayed in New York, she went to Virginia. He remarried, she did not. His second marriage ended in divorce, he came to Virginia to be near family, they started reconnecting and got back together. They remained together some decades until both died. They were older people (60s+) when they got back together.
My Dad and Stepmom. They had some rough times after my little brother grew up and the nest was empty. Failed business ventures, drug and alcohol issues were involved, and she left him to go tend to her aging parents who moved to Florida, eventually. She stayed engaged with that, living down there with them and helping them, until they passed. As far as I know, neither she nor my father started seeing anyone new, but they were parted for a few years. Like maybe 5 tops. After they passed, she returned to him and they just bought a house together. They never divorced, so there was no need to remarry, they were just separated a while...then...not.
I don't know that great passion was involved in either of these cases. But there was deeper feelings of love and belonging that drew these people back together. Love comes in a number of different shapes and flavors, I think, so if it's there...it can work. But in both of those instances, the first round of the relationship lasted a very long time. Over a decade. So that more familiar and familial sense of love was like a foundation that was still there for them to rebuild on.
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The factors can be physical, emotional or the business side of the relationship (finances, day to day living, personal taste, etc.). 9/10 most relationships will be difficult to re-establish because there was something fundamentally wrong. I get along with the father of my kids just fine. We are polite and even in the marriage rarely had a fight. However, he just feels like a brother. The annoying brother I want to get away from. We married young and he is completely opposite me in personality and taste. I think we were young enough that hormones made up for so much that was lacking. So, to make a long story short, I think it really depends on the factors, what you want to rehash. I think it will take a counselor to get things off on a new foot.
