Is the term hand-holder derogatory? (advice, friends, feelings, difference)

[artsyguy]

I've heard the term hand-holder or "I'm not going to hold his or her hand through this" before several times and in each case it sounded real derogatory and implied the person needing advice or help was pathetic and the person making the comment was very cold and insensitive...uhhh your thoughts on this??

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by artsyguy

I've heard the term hand-holder or "I'm not going to hold his or her hand through this" before several times and in each case it sounded real derogatory and implied the person needing advice or help was pathetic and the person making the comment was very cold and insensitive...uhhh your thoughts on this??

It does have negative connotation, but everybody can use a hand once in a while... And give a hand, too!

[beowulf7]

I can think of much worse "*-holder" terms.

[Tzaphkiel]

As you describe it, it can be an insult, as in saying someone is too whiny or needy or pathetic. It can also be seen as an insult or deficiency on the part of the person saying it, they are insensitive, unwilling to feel or express emotion, terrified at seeing someone's vulnerability, hurt feelings, or reaching out, because they have no skills in being around someone else's pain, and don't want to "be there" for someone, they see any emotional demands as tiresome or burdensome. Sort of like friends who are there for the good times, but not the hard times.

So it can be good or bad, depending on situation. Asking for help is a sign of emotional strength and wholeness in a person. Staying helpless, making demands, and ongoing neediness are NOT, and it is very depleting to the people around them. Depends on the situation and people involved.

[Fat Freddy]

There is a difference between a "helping hand" and a "handout".

And "I want to hold your hand" doesn't mean the same thing as "I need a hand".

But you can't always tell the difference between the "Hand Jive" and a "Hand Job".

[SifuPhil]

Sometimes people are better off NOT being helped. They need to finally get up on their own, instead of relying on others.

[Capt. Dan]

In some places down south the term -hand holder- is the same as-p***y whipped. Probably just a southern idiom though.

[andreaspercheron]

I think that the term handholder is someone who really takes their time with you and overly tries to help a person out. Now, the person that NEEDS the handholding is an issue and yes it's negative. I know people that are "high maintenance" that need to be walked through every aspect of their life, that would in turn make me their hand holder LOL and I DONT like being that person!! Acckkk! (ok, I'm ok, all done now)

[Stace08]

"He/she needs a handholder" implies that they are incompetent. It's an observation. Derogatory means to belittle or diminish (I looked it up), so yes, I would say saying this about someone would belittle them.

[johnrex62]

I don't think the term itself is derogatory as often as it indicates resentment toward the situation. It often inidcates a position of providing unnecessary support simply to provide a comfort level, but it can sometimes also indicate a level of ineptness on the part of the person needing the support.