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Once we get older, our social circles get a little larger and looser. People have jobs and whatnot to keep them busy. Meeting people who know people you know is pretty ordinary. It’s good to be able to ask if the person you want to date is cray-cray. It’s also good to know if he has a few kids he’s left behind. That’s called society. Knowing people keeps all of us accountable in one way or another.
People who gossip about private matters aren’t good people either.
People don't "hold each other accountable," are you kidding? People will act like everything is okay so as to avoid the awkwardness of conflict/making a scene, or not having to choose between their friends/take sides. BTDT.
And really, in the end what else can you do? Your friend Bob cheats on your friend Jenny and starts bringing new girlfriend Sue around-- what are you going to do, shout "GET THAT HARLOT OUT OF HERE, YOU CHEAP TWO-TIMER!" every time he shows up?
Drop him as a friend? People aren't going to do that. (Especially if he was their friend before Jenny was.) We've all seen the threads here by people who won't end a friendship or relationship even if they're being treated badly because they would feel "mean;" most people aren't going to cut someone off over a situation they don't know all the particulars of that didn't even happen to them.
But why does your circle (and many others posting) have such a gossipy, jealous tone? People used to date almost exclusively within their admittedly broad social circle. People didn't seem to have so many negative issues though people were certainly breaking up with each other.
Were people's "real life" circles bigger than now, so didn't seem so contraining? Did people mind their own business better and were they more discreet?
People might have been more discreet.
The dirty laundry was kept hidden. People didn't want to embarrass themselves or family. I don't know if it was better or not. Maybe in some ways and not others.
I think of people going bonkers on airplanes or shooting people because they got cut off in traffic or shooting up schools and wonder when people started losing self control.
Well unless you already know 100% you want to marry the person you are about to date, it doesn't necessarily make you a player or non-committal type to date someone and then have it not work out for whatever reason.
I dated within my friend group once and it didn't work out. We used to have fun going to the same parties of the same mutual friend, we dated a bit, it didn't work out, and now its kind of like....awkward. If I'm invited to a party, I don't want to see him there. Just because its weird knowing this guy saw me naked and stuff. It put my friend in an awkward situation after, like she had to choose which friend she invites to the party.
I don't know, it just seems kind of incestuous. I prefer to date outside my circle, and then there is the opportunity of further expanding your circles too, if the relationship works out, you get more friends, more contacts, etc. If it doesn't, you can make a clean break and don't have to worry about seeing them at social events and the awkwardness of that.
Hilarious !!!
Moon girl you gave me a real laugh out loud !!!
I'm still pulling for Bill to change his ways
and get back with Kate
LOĹLLLLL
Had a conversation either here or another discussion about dating in social circles and how some people are not all that for it. The reason stated is because it basically keeps you behaving appropriately. Keeps you in check. There's a certain amount of accountability.
And guess what, a lot people don't like that...right?
This is why people prefer to date total strangers.
Just to give an extreme example to get the point across.
Bill meets Sue through his group of friends, Bill sleeps with Sue and then never calls her (one-night stand) Sue has hurt feelings and this gets back to others in the group and, well, Bill is hated and ostracized for his behavior.
That said I have to wonder since people tend to be anti-dating within the social circles and prefer strangers, it kind of makes you wonder it's players think like this, or non-committal types.
I could be way off, but there is something to how dating in your social circles keeps you in check?
That's a surefire way to limit your dating pool. My wife and I were complete strangers when we met at a party thrown by--get this--a woman who was my blind date a month earlier. Had I followed your theory, I would have never me her.
I'm sure that there is probably some merit to what the OP is saying. When it's more personal so to speak people tend to act politer and whatnot. Not just in the dating arena but across all of life.
Go over to the POC forum and because of the anonymity of the the Internet people can say some really foul things that they probably wouldn't say in mixed company in person.
I want to know who a person is before I go out with him.
Best way to meet compatible potential dating partners is in a large circle of nice people.
If things didn't work out and an old beau is there, yeah he might have seen me naked while we were together.
And? Why is that a deal breaker?
From the day I was born, the doctor who delivered me, my pediatrician, the family members who changed and dressed me, taking off wet swim suits at girl scout camp, first marriage, second marriage.
Lots of people have seen me naked over the years.
Not awkward, it's normal life and no reason to avoid being around people.
Last edited by RubyandPearl; 04-26-2021 at 12:17 PM..
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RubyandPearl
I wouldn't dream of going out with a stranger.
I want to know who a person is before I go out with him.
Best way to meet compatible potential dating partners is in a large circle of nice people.
If things didn't work out and an old beau is there, yeah he might have seen me naked while we were together.
And? Why is that a deal breaker?
From the day I was born, the doctor who delivered me, my pediatrician, the family members who changed and dressed me, taking off wet swim suits at girl scout camp, first marriage, second marriage.
Lots of people have seen me naked over the years.
Not awkward, it's normal life and no reason to avoid being around people.
Good grief! It ain’t all about who saw you naked. Did any of them people you name dropped have a deep romantic connection with you where you made mistakes, shared secrets, knew each other’s flaws? Would you like that information to be broadcast to your friends and loved ones?
I sure as hell would not after I had to learn the hard way how quick someone will badmouth you and how people will take sides against you even quicker. At least with a stranger, I don’t have to worry about an ex who was a stranger turning my long time partners against me.
I sure as hell would not after I had to learn the hard way how quick someone will badmouth you and how people will take sides against you even quicker. At least with a stranger, I don’t have to worry about an ex who was a stranger turning my long time partners against me.
I never had that experience in any of my three main friend groups that I was in at different phases of my life.
If you move to a new area, you probably don't have a circle of friends to provide a dating pool, so you have to go it alone, at least until you make friends who are dateable or can introduce you to someone who is. That has usually been my situation - new to area - and unwilling to spend the time needed to make such friends; I just started dating, and that led to making new friends.
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It ain’t all about who saw you naked. Did any of them people you name dropped have a deep romantic connection with you where you made mistakes, shared secrets, knew each other’s flaws? Would you like that information to be broadcast to your friends and loved ones?
