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OK I feel better about it. This is brand new territory for me. He's very sweet and the last thing I want to do is to contribute to any sad feelings that he has. I do feel stronger in the emotional area so I can handle myself around him.
How we met? He's been a stay at home dad for the last year and so we've met at playgroups...he's like one of the kindergarten moms.
OK wait, what do I do about the long extended Jerry Maguire hugs? I give people hugs when I greet them and leave them, and he seems to lengthen the hugging session. I do the pat, pat, pat on the back, but he still pulls me in for longer than I'm comfortable with. Should I just not hug him anymore?
OK wait, what do I do about the long extended Jerry Maguire hugs? I give people hugs when I greet them and leave them, and he seems to lengthen the hugging session. I do the pat, pat, pat on the back, but he still pulls me in for longer than I'm comfortable with. Should I just not hug him anymore?
Just tell him moony.
Tell him you're not comfortable, that you like giving him a hug but you don't need to be mauled.
Seems the guy is looking for comfort more than anything, a lot of guys do that in a seperation/divorce situation. I'd just make it really clear, that you like him, think he's a great friend and that he's bound to be a little raw at the moment and you'll support him and be there for him but as a friend and nothing more.
Tell him you're not comfortable, that you like giving him a hug but you don't need to be mauled.
Seems the guy is looking for comfort more than anything, a lot of guys do that in a seperation/divorce situation. I'd just make it really clear, that you like him, think he's a great friend and that he's bound to be a little raw at the moment and you'll support him and be there for him but as a friend and nothing more.
Yes, I agree with you and I've done that. I couldn't be more clear about it. I think I'll be less available for hugs and then be on gaurd when it happens, if he still persists, I'll have no other choice but to tell him I feel mauled when he hugs me.
My advise.. from a grown up male.. is to tell him where you stand with him and cut him off... evidently he doesnt know how to just be friends with someone.. it starts with the buying stuff for you and then ends up with... "why do you think I was buying all of that stuff and spending time with you? For my health.. your nothing but a tease". Tell him where you stand and that you can be only friends with him.. return the dang ring back to him...
Yes, I agree with you and I've done that. I couldn't be more clear about it. I think I'll be less available for hugs and then be on gaurd when it happens, if he still persists, I'll have no other choice but to tell him I feel mauled when he hugs me.
Yeah, I hate when you have to do that. Like state the obvious very clearly, be on guard and cautious.
It's a complicated business and I don't envy you being in the situation at all moony. It's no fun.
I've had a couple of male friends be that way and it's torturous trying to get to a level of understanding so that you're both happy and understanding the dynamics of the relationship. Good luck with it, some people don't understand or take it very well, I hope he gets with the program!
Friends with benefits has no appeal to me, unless they're health insurance benefits!
I have to agree with you there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by moonsavvy
OK wait, what do I do about the long extended Jerry Maguire hugs? I give people hugs when I greet them and leave them, and he seems to lengthen the hugging session. I do the pat, pat, pat on the back, but he still pulls me in for longer than I'm comfortable with. Should I just not hug him anymore?
Eww, he reminde me of an older man who had a thing for me. In spite of what I was saying, he didn't HEAR me and kept pushing himself on me in subtle ways. I finally had to tell him to go away and never speak to me again. In spite of me telling him how I felt, he still cherished the idea of marrying me and moving into my home. This was NEVER on my mind and I had told him that outright. Some people just don't hear something if it is what they don't want.
My advise.. from a grown up male.. is to tell him where you stand with him and cut him off... evidently he doesnt know how to just be friends with someone.. it starts with the buying stuff for you and then ends up with... "why do you think I was buying all of that stuff and spending time with you? For my health.. your nothing but a tease". Tell him where you stand and that you can be only friends with him.. return the dang ring back to him...
hmmm interesting. You think I need to return the ring? It was just a little mood ring, nothing extravagant. I don't think I need to give it back, that might cause unnecessary hurt feelings, it's just a little token IMO. The song was a bit over the top though, I did tell him in a very nice way that I did not want to hear it.
He's acknowledged that he is emotionally bleeding right now, so I think he is aware of his feelings. We talk about once a day for anywhere from 5-45 minutes. I am much more comfortable on the phone with him than in person, this I have learned.
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He's very sweet and the last thing I want to do is to contribute to any sad feelings that he has. I do feel stronger in the emotional area so I can handle myself around him. 
