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Oh come on. There's a way to get along w/ someone WITHOUT flirting back & looking like a loose floozy. At work or any professional setting you've ever been to, you try to make the best of it w/ your boss & coworkers (since you have to work w/ those people M-F), I'm sure & you don't flirt w/ them, so you KNOW HOW to do the right thing IF you really wanted to.
You obviously like to play the game w/ them & the 2 of them seem to be in cahoots too, so if the 3 of you all want to keep going, go right ahead. Just don't flirt around w/ the friend & then ask us how to stop or lessen it after you've done it. I wouldn't want to be a part of ANY of their BS. I'm a no-fuss, no nonsense person.
You're 68, aren't you tired of these immature games?! This must be about that pedopihle Larry character still.
I have no idea how old you are. I was talking about my situation, my age.
After this crappy comment from you I'm done with you. I was attempting to be helpful.
OP, I think you are taking offense where none is intended. Your responses have been really salty. If you didn't want responses, why start the thread? And if you think the thread has gone on too long, why do you keep it going?
Hey, OP? I'm not going to read most of this thread, I'm just going to address your first post, K? Because I've been in plenty of situations with flirty friends and the fun of flirting even when you mean nothing by it and all that.
Sometimes, yeah, there comes a point where it stops being fun and starts feeling boundary pushing. And that's where I pause the guy for disclaimer time. I tell him, "Hey, look, I'm finding it fun to talk to you, but I want to make sure we're clear about something. Some people flirt socially for fun, and some flirt with INTENT. I want you to understand that what I've done is the first thing, just meaningless social banter for fun. I am not in fact interested in any kind of foolin' around with you, I'm happy with Mr. C here and don't want to mess up a good thing. I'm telling you this so you don't feel like I'm sending mixed signals or playing games... The flirting is fun and flattering but I don't really have anything more to offer you."
I personally don't think that it makes anyone a bad person to acknowledge that some flirty attention is fun and it feels good. But at some point I think it becomes unkind to get a man think "what if...?" and at some point he might push too far without knowing that he's doing so, and you definitely do need to have good boundaries with a flirty friend. Those men are the ones in particular that I never interact with in private. I see them at social gatherings around lots of other people, or not at all. Because I believe that were I to allow us to be in a private space together, he would then think that I was willing and had deliberately created the opportunity for something to happen....
Like I think that a person can manage these connections. But yeah. Boundaries.
And don't for one second, EVER, let anybody tell you that men in general only interact with you because you are life support for a vagina, seriously...and I mean this...especially if a partner says such a thing, it actually reveals that HE has issues with women, in my opinion. I had an ex who wanted me to believe this about other men, and in fact it was more true of him than it was of them. Partners who say things that hurt your self esteem, are better off walked away from and shut out of your life, because it will tend to get worse before it gets better. But as others have pointed out, other than that, self esteem issues you may be carrying would be best addressed by you, for you. With therapy or friend groups you can process with or journaling or self help books or whatever works best for you.
Thank you. I don't have self esteem issues and I don't need therapy. Managed to survive many years without it. But your post was polite, so that's ok.
I explained somewhere in this massive thread that one of my texts to Mr. Mania said that flirting is innocent fun. I think that sent him the correct message. And when he invited me to play at his gig, I said I might go if Mr. Cutie was going. That was the last flirt I got from Mr. Mania, so I think he understands now.
As for Mr. Cutie telling me Mr. Mania goes after anything with a vagina and a pulse -- of course that was an exaggeration. And he said Mr. Mania has hundreds of girlfriends, which I kind of doubt. But aside from that, Mr. Cutie assumed all the flirting was a joke. It didn't seem to bother him.
Mr. Mania liking me can be taken as a compliment. And then let go of and forgotten. If I see him again, I will make sure to be cooler.
OP, I think you are taking offense where none is intended. Your responses have been really salty. If you didn't want responses, why start the thread? And if you think the thread has gone on too long, why do you keep it going?
Good luck with whatever you choose.
I don't like the snotty comments. I should have just ignored them. But I want people to know when they are being bullies. It won't sink in though. Bullies are the kind of people who always think they are better than, and their bullying is always justified.
Thank you. I don't have self esteem issues and I don't need therapy. Managed to survive many years without it. But your post was polite, so that's ok.
I explained somewhere in this massive thread that one of my texts to Mr. Mania said that flirting is innocent fun. I think that sent him the correct message. And when he invited me to play at his gig, I said I might go if Mr. Cutie was going. That was the last flirt I got from Mr. Mania, so I think he understands now.
As for Mr. Cutie telling me Mr. Mania goes after anything with a vagina and a pulse -- of course that was an exaggeration. And he said Mr. Mania has hundreds of girlfriends, which I kind of doubt. But aside from that, Mr. Cutie assumed all the flirting was a joke. It didn't seem to bother him.
Mr. Mania liking me can be taken as a compliment. And then let go of and forgotten. If I see him again, I will make sure to be cooler.
None of this is a big deal.
Good!
I'm glad to hear that.
I've had tons of flirty friends. The only time I've ever seen it lead to anything like infidelity was in a case where the person who is partnered but flirting, is unhappy in the relationship and seriously about to find an exit strategy regardless.
But again, I know how to have boundaries. I think you do, too.
The only reason I questioned if sometimes you might feel a little shaky in the self esteem department, is that you seemed to be feeling a big prickly in response to some of these comments, and your username of course was mentioned, which is...well. Maybe it has meaning not known to me, none of my business. Certainly disregard that bit if it does not apply.
Anyhow.
Ya know, when other women flirt with my husband, I do not want to be like "oh, she flirts with anything with a penis and a pulse." I want to be like, "of course she flirted with you. You're amazing!" I like it when my husband feels good, even if I did not make him feel that way. I like to see him receive validation. I don't think that his every good feeling must come from me.
Frankly I think that some people would rather a partner feel badly, than to see them get a good feeling from anyone else. I find that...kind of sad, I guess.
I've had tons of flirty friends. The only time I've ever seen it lead to anything like infidelity was in a case where the person who is partnered but flirting, is unhappy in the relationship and seriously about to find an exit strategy regardless.
But again, I know how to have boundaries. I think you do, too.
The only reason I questioned if sometimes you might feel a little shaky in the self esteem department, is that you seemed to be feeling a big prickly in response to some of these comments, and your username of course was mentioned, which is...well. Maybe it has meaning not known to me, none of my business. Certainly disregard that bit if it does not apply.
Anyhow.
Ya know, when other women flirt with my husband, I do not want to be like "oh, she flirts with anything with a penis and a pulse." I want to be like, "of course she flirted with you. You're amazing!" I like it when my husband feels good, even if I did not make him feel that way. I like to see him receive validation. I don't think that his every good feeling must come from me.
Frankly I think that some people would rather a partner feel badly, than to see them get a good feeling from anyone else. I find that...kind of sad, I guess.
That sounds like a good attitude to have. Mr. Cutie could have seen it as a sign that I might seem attractive to some men. But he didn't. Mr. Cutie is not so good for my ego, I admit, but that's another thing.
Do I have a serious self esteem problem, as indicated by my username? My username always gets mentioned by people trying to put me down. It's supposed to be a joke, because I'm retired and not usefully employed. If I really had a self esteem problem, I would have called myself MsWonderful.
But it is a fact that we unfortunately have a society that devalues its elders. So we have to live with that, and can try to laugh about it.
I was prickly in response to some, but only if they made a huge effort to put me down. I should have just ignored them. There are always a lot of bullies at online forums.
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