Quote:
Originally Posted by Rocko20
Well sorry for the breaking news, but unless the potential partner is famous, you're not going to be able to google search how many people they've slept with, what their net worth is, what their credit score is, how many bills they have, if they have a criminal record (it can be expunged or sealed), if they plan to get fat in the future, how they were raised, what kind of background they've had, if they're going to start snoring in the future, or if you're going to grow apart in the future.
You do the best you can with all the information they provide to you and the person you are presented with, but you cannot predict the future. The average marriage is 9 years, if you can beat that consider yourself lucky.
There are people out there who don't even know if they have STDs (asymptomatic), good luck trying to figure out anything else about them. That they don't want you to know.
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How many people they've slept with
I don't care, but can often get a vague sense just from how they interact socially. You can usually tell if someone is significantly more or less experienced than the average person. Or those who consider themselves to be, will find a way to tell you, if not the exact number, you'll have an idea. I've never had this be a big ? unknown ? thing going in with a new person, but I have later found out, for instance, that a person I'd pegged as just not very experienced, I was in fact their first. I was right but I was more right than I'd realized.
Net worth
Again, why do we need to know specifics on this? And a general picture will usually emerge if you know how to talk to a person.
Credit score and how many bills they have
You can easily pay a small fee to access someone's credit score but I think you need to have some basic info on them, probably their SSN, and they need to consent to it. How many bills they have, would be on there. This isn't something that I would do unless I was in serious talks about getting married or entangling finances, because if we aren't doing that, I don't need to know. My present husband did show me his credit report voluntarily and without even being asked, before we got anywhere near any of this, actually right before we moved in together. I shared my financial information with him as well, and because we do not completely mesh together 100% of our finances even now, we check in once annually on the state of our income, expenses, investments, debts, etc. I would have sex with someone without knowing this, but I sure as hell wouldn't marry them, and in hindsight...don't think I'd want to live with them, either. Landlords check your credit. It's reasonable to want to know if things are that serious.
Criminal record
This one is even easier to look into. You don't need anyone's consent to search their criminal background, but it costs a small fee. I did this before I allowed anyone to be around my children, or to come to my home, after I left my ex. My experiences had taught me to be protective of my home environment, peace and safety, and my kids. This is another area, though, where I listen to my gut...I'm really good at getting a sense of when someone has a "sketchy vibe" and there is ALWAYS a reason for it. I usually note the information and they tend to reveal it themselves in conversation very early on, as I'm also fortunate (I guess?) to be the kind of person people open up and tell stuff to.
If they plan to get fat in the future
Who does this?
How they were raised/background
Don't people share a lot of this kind of thing on early dates? I would normally have some idea of this very fast just talking to anyone.
If they're going to start snoring in the future
Seriously? LOL Though in fairness my husband and I sleep in separate bedrooms, not particularly because of snoring, though I admit I sometimes do...just because we keep different sleep schedules, like having our own space, and get better sleep in our own beds. And no, this does not negatively affect our sex life or time spent together.
If you're going to grow apart
Well, part of this in my opinion can be traced to people making too-serious commitments too young or too fast. But otherwise...there are times in life where it's "no risk, no reward."
STDs
This is one of many reasons that I will never mess around with "vanilla" dating, the mainstream dating pool and normal people in it, ever again even if I had cause to try and date. People who are part of the kink/BDSM/Leather/poly (alt-sexual) communities...as in, they not only are into whatever thing, but they are part of a club or social group, they've read the abundant materials, they've embraced the culture and ethics involved... accept a lot less assumptions, less stigma, more open and honest communication as what we are striving for in our lifestyles. In other words? It is completely normal to get tested and share results before taking any risks with a new partner, and it is also completely normal for people who are positive for something to disclose that. In the mainstream dating world, that is rare, and mainstream people are much more likely to react in overtly negative ways to disclosure. How you gonna expect someone to tell you the truth, if you punish them for telling you the truth? We have "fet-lebrities" (the famous people who write books and do talks and whatnot) in our community who are open about positive status for something like HIV or HSV, and I think they've led the way to destigmatize it in the community, going back to the gay leather communities during the AIDS crisis at its worst. Which is great, because you will be told, can make an informed decision, can say no without being a jerk, and won't just be exposed to whatever. I hate the game playing and assumption making so common in a lot of areas of normal dating culture, so I've found all of this to be very refreshing. Is it practiced 100% perfectly? No. But it's a lot better than the alternative. Seems the more common thing in mainstream dating is just to generally and vaguely judge people for having had many or few partners, with the "clean/dirty" moralizing and stigmatizing attached, which is effing stupid because a person can catch something the very first time they have sex, or have dozens of partners and get lucky and catch nothing.
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