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You have to go through the mourning process as horrible as it is and believe when others tell you that time really does heal (no cliche) and that you have a full new life ahead with new adventures, thoughts of which at the moment give you no pleasure. But just wait it out.
Thankyou - again
Those are a really comforting set of thoughts and Artsy guy too..oh what a sweet lot you are!
I feel better for expressing it outside my usual circle - where I feel a bit embarrassed to wail..
I second the journaling. I am in the process of divorcing after 11 years of marriage after my husband told me he cheated on me. Perhaps my situation is different b/c I had anger to help me get through it but the journaling really did help. I read that you should journal whenever you feel like it, and don't worry about readability or anything else. Just let it out. AND don't read what you wrote until 2 -3 weeks has passed. You'll be amazed when you read back what you wrote a few weeks before and see how your perspective has changed. It does get easier.
Another thing, for me anyways, I felt physically ill. I was nauseous and I didn't feel like eating. Of course, I felt more sick because I didn't eat. So if you have the same issue, just try to eat whatever sounds good whenever it sounds good.
One more thing - I felt much worse and far more emotional if I didn't sleep well (which was usually the case early on). I got some OTC sleeping pills and took one - or maybe even just a half of one - to help me get some sleep. I felt so much better the next day if I got a good night's sleep. (Of course be carefull because I guess the OTC ones can be addictive).
take the pain, its natures way of teaching not to do it again.
Some of us are lousy practitioners and keep flunking even if we have a PhD on the subject. Theory and practice are totally different. I've said many times when I dare preach that I don't do as I preach.
It's been over a month..I am a sensible woman..but I just can't seem to shake off the notion that I'm never going to meet anyone 'better' than him..
Friends say - keep busy - I am..but it is not working..
This really isn't like me and I don't know what to do about it.
I am afraid it was one of those situations of not knowing a good thing until you've lost it - but well and truly lost it you have..we used to work together and he has moved on to a new job. We live in a big city and so are unlikely to just run in to each other..and perhaps, that is a good thing..we were on off together for about eighteen months..
I haven't contacted him - I just have to move on..but how to get rid of this gnawing sense of loss? Ugh...
I know it's gonna sound cold and harsh to you right now, but there is a saying that more tears have been caused by dreams that did come true as opposed to those that didn't. I'm a firm believer as I've had quite a few dreams come true.
You see that red flag up there - on & off?! Those are switches for appliances and gadgets. You don't want them in your relationships. Thank him for saving you from yourself long term.
Hello Newbie too! Yes - sleeping is a problem - (I'll have to force myself to go to bed in a mo) - as you might have guessed it is the early hours over here..I had just been dealing with pushing these thoughts away all day and had had enough..but this has helped me - so perhaps a livejournal might help..I will try that..
Sierra - it's Ok - you are right..but, the hardest part is that the on/off came, partly, from me and I never really explained to him why..he is a proud man and I think he retaliated.
He isn't perfect..he wasn't always completely honest, he was hopeless at telling me exactly what he was thinking and feeling..but he thought more deeply and fairly than anybody I have ever met...and I am annoyed that I fell in love with him..I knew from the start that he was capable of being a heartbreaker..but I seriously let my guard down..I wish he hadn't tried to persuade me it was a good idea..
Well I'd better go to bed and try to stop thinking about it - I hadn't expected to do this at all (was looking for advice for starting a new life) but this has helped - really!
If you have problems eating then try nutritional drinks. They have all the vitamins and protein you need in order to survive.
Quote:
Originally Posted by newbie too
I second the journaling. I am in the process of divorcing after 11 years of marriage after my husband told me he cheated on me. Perhaps my situation is different b/c I had anger to help me get through it but the journaling really did help. I read that you should journal whenever you feel like it, and don't worry about readability or anything else. Just let it out. AND don't read what you wrote until 2 -3 weeks has passed. You'll be amazed when you read back what you wrote a few weeks before and see how your perspective has changed. It does get easier.
Another thing, for me anyways, I felt physically ill. I was nauseous and I didn't feel like eating. Of course, I felt more sick because I didn't eat. So if you have the same issue, just try to eat whatever sounds good whenever it sounds good.
One more thing - I felt much worse and far more emotional if I didn't sleep well (which was usually the case early on). I got some OTC sleeping pills and took one - or maybe even just a half of one - to help me get some sleep. I felt so much better the next day if I got a good night's sleep. (Of course be carefull because I guess the OTC ones can be addictive).
Try meditating and learn from your experience- good or bad. Trust that this is all an educational opportunity and that the right person for you will come along if you can move past and gain knowledge from this. I agree with the "journaling" or diary writing recommendation from the pp. Once I was so heartbroken over a relationship I literally thought I could die from the heartache. This went on for about 6 months. I kept journaling and meditating and learned so much from all that was wrong with that relationship without blame then guess what? I met my husband (now 13yrs very happily married). I can only see the positive now in that horrendous breakup and am so thankful that the previous relationship failed. I learned through the sadness how to identify what was really important to me in a future relationship. I know it's so sad to lose someone you loved but it WILL absolutely get better over time. Chocolate and wine helps too!
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but the journaling really did help. I read that you should journal whenever you feel like it, and don't worry about readability or anything else. Just let it out. AND don't read what you wrote until 2 -3 weeks has passed. You'll be amazed when you read back what you wrote a few weeks before and see how your perspective has changed. It does get easier.
