Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
There's a simple concept in dating, if one person is putting in a lot more thought and effort into courtship/relationship than the other, there's a good chance there's no genuine attraction outside of a friend zone type of thing.
The OP is correct in his assessment that it doesn't matter how busy one is; if someone is truly attracted to another, they are not going to cease meaningful conversation in between dates. I mean, think about it. How busy does one have to truly be that they cannot spend even a few minutes a day in sending texts or making a phone call back and forth? Being too busy to communicate is only a legitimate excuse if the other person has no attraction to the other.
Feel me? This ain't hard and not worth over thinking.
If the OP is okay with being in the friend zone and strung along on endless dates on his dime, then stay the course. If he wants someone that respects him and treats him like a potential boyfriend, then best to cut the losses and move on.
Hello, I am a somewhat older male having a situation that I've not experienced before, and I'm wondering if anyone has feedback (especially females that may have been in the situation of the girl I'm dating, that maybe can tell me what was going through your mind).
I have been on 4 dates with a girl I really like, and they all go amazingly well and we hit it off every time. She openly uses "future talk", as in "we should go there sometime," or "maybe we can try that place". That's all well and good, but in between dates (which are about a week apart so far), she almost never texts or calls. If I text her, she does not move the conversation forward - she keeps it to short answers that really don't call for any reply...and if I do reply, I feel like I'm looking needy since it doesn't seem like she is looking for a reply.
I won't go into her personal life, but she is an extremely busy person, much busier than I am and I would say busier than most people...and so I understand that can be part of it for sure. However, I have always been under the impression that if you're really into someone, you will make time to at least reach out and say "thinking of you", or "how's your day?", or at least make some sort of an effort. To add to the confusion, I have yet to get any type of major flirting on in person dates, and zero on calls or texts. Yes, there have been some very short kisses/pecks, handholding, etc. - but not much.
SO here's the question - I'm pretty positive she's interested at this point, especially since she keeps suggesting places to go. I'm 90% certain she isn't dating anyone else (but not 100%). I don't think she would have time, and on top of that, as far as I know I have hung out with her on every free day or at least we've tried to make plans on every free day. So, why is she so distant/hesitant to show any type of affection or positive feedback?
You are on the back burner - move on if you value your time and yourself
Or... it could be a race/cultural thing perhaps? Although I dont know what race/culture she is, some can be pretty cool (as in cold fish) and unemotional. What works for same race/culture doesn't always work for different ones.
There's a simple concept in dating, if one person is putting in a lot more thought and effort into courtship/relationship than the other, there's a good chance there's no genuine attraction outside of a friend zone type of thing.
The OP is correct in his assessment that it doesn't matter how busy one is; if someone is truly attracted to another, they are not going to cease meaningful conversation in between dates. I mean, think about it. How busy does one have to truly be that they cannot spend even a few minutes a day in sending texts or making a phone call back and forth? Being too busy to communicate is only a legitimate excuse if the other person has no attraction to the other.
Feel me? This ain't hard and not worth over thinking.
If the OP is okay with being in the friend zone and strung along on endless dates on his dime, then stay the course. If he wants someone that respects him and treats him like a potential boyfriend, then best to cut the losses and move on.
Agreed. That "girl"/woman/lady probably is playing hard-to-get. The OP needs to be straightforeward to express his opinion to that lady how he feels and requests an honest answer if they both want to be exclusive, then both need to give time to and communicate with each other better.
At the "older" age, when people want a good relationship, they should be honest and giving effort to make things work. And everything needs to be two-way street.
If an older "girl", or guy, acts like a teenager or a 20 something and plays hard-to-get and just wants to take take take, doesn't want to give (even time and texts or phone calls), foreget about her/him. Move on.
Maybe she likes you but does not want to seem to over
eager?
I thought men don’t like desperate women?
She may be the type to let the man do all the calling and texting at the begging to gauge his interest level?
It's very hard to be in a relationship with somebody like that. Do you (I mean anyone, not you specifically) want to walk on eggshells, play guessing games or have to read somebody's mind all the times? Why does someone (no matter male or female) have to do all the work for the other to get all the attention and privileges?
Last edited by AnOrdinaryCitizen; 11-27-2022 at 08:35 AM..
There's a simple concept in dating, if one person is putting in a lot more thought and effort into courtship/relationship than the other, there's a good chance there's no genuine attraction outside of a friend zone type of thing.
The OP is correct in his assessment that it doesn't matter how busy one is; if someone is truly attracted to another, they are not going to cease meaningful conversation in between dates. I mean, think about it. How busy does one have to truly be that they cannot spend even a few minutes a day in sending texts or making a phone call back and forth? Being too busy to communicate is only a legitimate excuse if the other person has no attraction to the other.
Feel me? This ain't hard and not worth over thinking.
If the OP is okay with being in the friend zone and strung along on endless dates on his dime, then stay the course. If he wants someone that respects him and treats him like a potential boyfriend, then best to cut the losses and move on.
Agreed. No flirting in person or via text, 4 dates and a short peck, no conversations in between to ask questions, talk about your day….just no. I don’t picture her telling anyone “I really like this guy!”
To the OP. The only one who can clear up your confusion is the girl you are dating.
Her answer is the one that counts...none of these speculations here count.
Sounds like you are the safe guy and she is getting the tingle from Bad Boy guy. Sorry brother. This is how it is now. Women have choices and spin plates.
My take is that this woman might be a little introverted, and may not be really comfortable with texting nor initating phone calls. Instead of texting her, I might give her some phone calls to just see if she responds better to that. I also agree with Katnan's suggestion to actually talk with her about this.
I do think this woman is interested, she talks with you about future plans and seems to want to go on more dates with you in the future. But is this woman meeting your needs? It sounds like you want a lot of contact early on in the dating process and this woman isn't really providing that. This woman also may not have a lot of time for a relationship.
I would say that there are plenty of other women who would do a better job of communicating and might generally have more time for you. To me you are just 4 dates in here. This is the time where you get to decide if this woman is offering what you are looking for. Depending on how much I was interested in this woman, I might give this relationship more time to develop or I might just think I want someone who is more emotionally available to me.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
