Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Hello, I am a somewhat older male having a situation that I've not experienced before, and I'm wondering if anyone has feedback (especially females that may have been in the situation of the girl I'm dating, that maybe can tell me what was going through your mind).
I have been on 4 dates with a girl I really like, and they all go amazingly well and we hit it off every time. She openly uses "future talk", as in "we should go there sometime," or "maybe we can try that place". That's all well and good, but in between dates (which are about a week apart so far), she almost never texts or calls. If I text her, she does not move the conversation forward - she keeps it to short answers that really don't call for any reply...and if I do reply, I feel like I'm looking needy since it doesn't seem like she is looking for a reply.
I won't go into her personal life, but she is an extremely busy person, much busier than I am and I would say busier than most people...and so I understand that can be part of it for sure. However, I have always been under the impression that if you're really into someone, you will make time to at least reach out and say "thinking of you", or "how's your day?", or at least make some sort of an effort. To add to the confusion, I have yet to get any type of major flirting on in person dates, and zero on calls or texts. Yes, there have been some very short kisses/pecks, handholding, etc. - but not much.
SO here's the question - I'm pretty positive she's interested at this point, especially since she keeps suggesting places to go. I'm 90% certain she isn't dating anyone else (but not 100%). I don't think she would have time, and on top of that, as far as I know I have hung out with her on every free day or at least we've tried to make plans on every free day. So, why is she so distant/hesitant to show any type of affection or positive feedback?
Man up - best advice honestly. Women decide who their interested in- become LESS available and she if she comes running- if she doesn’t then it’s over.
I don't conclude she's distant or hesitant. It could be that since she's a very busy person, maybe she thinks of you from time to time but isn't one for texting etc. Some people might think, 'If I keep mooning over this person I won't get any work done...I better stay focused.' And some are anti-PDA.
I would encourage you to look at this not as a matter of right and wrong or good and bad, but rather, one of compatibility. It sounds like you wish for more signs, indications, ramping up the action, and so on. There's nothing wrong with that. But if she isn't that way...?
True story, I knew a guy who pursued a woman and "won" her hand in marriage, so to speak. They hit a deal breaker and divorced in about a year. I wondered if one wanted kids and the other didn't. Or if one wanted to move and the other didn't. Or if their religious beliefs clashed. Or if there was a professional issue. Turns out, it was none of these---it was about me time vs. us time. "When we went to see my family, the men all went golfing and the women all went shopping. She didn't like that. She wanted to be with me all the time."
OP, if you're looking for something long-term, would the status quo be workable for you?
IF YOU TEXT her and she replied with a brief response,it could be she is busy texting everyone else or just busy engaged in whatever during the day and checking messages to see if there is any.
You said she is busy,what does she do for a living?
may be you should wait till till she comes home and text her say after dinner?
I don't conclude she's distant or hesitant. It could be that since she's a very busy person, maybe she thinks of you from time to time but isn't one for texting etc. Some people might think, 'If I keep mooning over this person I won't get any work done...I better stay focused.' And some are anti-PDA.
I would encourage you to look at this not as a matter of right and wrong or good and bad, but rather, one of compatibility. It sounds like you wish for more signs, indications, ramping up the action, and so on. There's nothing wrong with that. But if she isn't that way...?
True story, I knew a guy who pursued a woman and "won" her hand in marriage, so to speak. They hit a deal breaker and divorced in about a year. I wondered if one wanted kids and the other didn't. Or if one wanted to move and the other didn't. Or if their religious beliefs clashed. Or if there was a professional issue. Turns out, it was none of these---it was about me time vs. us time. "When we went to see my family, the men all went golfing and the women all went shopping. She didn't like that. She wanted to be with me all the time."
OP, if you're looking for something long-term, would the status quo be workable for you?
Thanks for the response. The status quo for communication is actually completely fine with me, and I don't have a problem with the cadence, it's more that I'm confused because it isn't what I have come to know as the typical behavior of someone interested in a relationship, so I'm trying to make sure I'm not mis-reading the situation.
IF YOU TEXT her and she replied with a brief response,it could be she is busy texting everyone else or just busy engaged in whatever during the day and checking messages to see if there is any.
You said she is busy,what does she do for a living?
may be you should wait till till she comes home and text her say after dinner?
Thanks - I tend to text her on weekends/after work...but point well taken. She has a lot of activities after work, along with multiple kid obligations, and since I have a lot more free time I'm probably a lot more aware of the lags in texts. Maybe she doesn't even notice the breaks. That's foreign to me lol.
You said you are older and you are dating a girl? Do her parents know? So she's busy with what - prom planning committee and drama club?
Sarcasm aside, WOMEN are not all the same. Some have no problem with separate vacations and some are needy. Some can't be parted from their phone, some look at it like a leash and don't like constant contact. Four dates isn't much when you think about really knowing a person. Maybe ask her how she feels about frequency of contact.
Do you mind that she is a busy person? If this becomes a relationship are you going to be trying to change that or are you content with it?
You said you are older and you are dating a girl? Do her parents know? So she's busy with what - prom planning committee and drama club?
Sarcasm aside, WOMEN are not all the same. Some have no problem with separate vacations and some are needy. Some can't be parted from their phone, some look at it like a leash and don't like constant contact. Four dates isn't much when you think about really knowing a person. Maybe ask her how she feels about frequency of contact.
Do you mind that she is a busy person? If this becomes a relationship are you going to be trying to change that or are you content with it?
Thanks - good advice. I'm totally fine with it, it just hasn't been my experience in the past, so it's throwing me off a bit. It feels to me like mixed signals, although from the feedback here it sounds like I'm just overreacting.
And the "girl" is my age, don't get too worried about my poor choice of words lol.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
