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Long story short, I've been dating a girl for about 6 months who is quite expensive (for me). I pay for most things when we go out to the tune of probably 600-700 dollars a month for entertainment. Her birthday is coming up in December, she really wants to go to a hockey game and tickets are ~$150 each in addition to a nice dinner and I'm sure other stuff. I hate hockey. Haven't watched a single game all the way through in my life. To add, Christmas is coming I'm going to be buying presents for like 7 nieces and nephews plus 6 or 7 adults. I make decent money, (we both do) but I am the opposite of a spender. Currently debating if I want to continue the relationship after the holidays because of spending differences (among other reasons), so I'm questioning whether I should find a way to get out of going/spending a lot of money on her or just suck it up and pay because it's her birthday and the holidays.
She's nice and the relationship has been fine for the most part, so I don't want to bail on her right before birthday and during the holiday, but this month will hurt more than most Decembers. And because I've been planning a trip in January and trying to save a bit as well, it will impede the budget I have for that. What do you think?
I will say that sometimes in a relationship you do or go places that aren't always your preference, because it makes your partner happy. Beyond that though, the $$$ is a bigger issue. $700 a month on entertainment that you are solely footing the bill for sounds like a big incompatibility.
You can find another woman who is "nice" and "fine" that doesn't have such expensive tastes on your dime.
I don't know why you can't adjust her expectations. "Honey, December is an expensive month, what with Christmas, and my trip in January. Those hockey tickets just aren't feasible right now."
You say she's nice, and you like her...so why not just curb the spending some?
Why can't you just be honest with her and tell her money is tight because of the holiday season so maybe she can choose between dinner or a hockey game?
$150 per ticket sounds like a lot for a hockey game during the regular season, unless you're getting amazing seats.
I don't know why you can't adjust her expectations. "Honey, December is an expensive month, what with Christmas, and my trip in January. Those hockey tickets just aren't feasible right now."
You say she's nice, and you like her...so why not just curb the spending some?
Something tells me she may not know about his January trip if he's planning on breaking up with her before then.
Something tells me she may not know about his January trip if he's planning on breaking up with her before then.
Oh...yeah...I can see that. But still...I don't understand when all things being equal...THIS is what would cause a break up. I could see it if they'd argued about it before, and she's been unreasonable, but it sounds like she doesn't even know that he's feeling a budget crunch, and he's afraid to just communicate with her.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Personally, I think you know on one level that this relationship isn’t sustainable long term with such different financial views. I’d rip the band aid off now and concentrate your resources elsewhere.
Several hundred every month is a LOT! I know you wanted to make a good first impression & spend the $ at the beginning, but she's obviously extravagent, but that's not all her fault since you both make good $, so she probably innocently thinks that's how you like to live life too. But, she'll keep wanting extravagent things/outings if you don't stop it fast. The longer you allow it to go on, the more she'll expect it.
Here's what I'd do if I were you:
If you really, really, really like this girl & she's marriage material, then go ahead & do the hockey outing since it's her b-day & all OR NOT & just get a very nice gift & if she's disappointed definitely break up then & there. But whether you do the hockey game OR if she's just fine w/ your alternate gift, I'd have a talk w/ her & be honest about how this is more than you usually like to spend for dates. If she's not materialistic & really likes you too, she won't mind at all. It's more about that you two are together having fun. But if she gets all mad or doesn't like it, etc., you know she's not the lady for you anyway.
Now, if you don't care for her that much & could take her or leave her, then don't waste your money on that pricey hockey game. You could give her a nice gift & break up after her brithday (like a few weeks later & don't spend too much more...I'm talking having pizza delivered at home), so you don't look like a total bad guy breaking up w/ her right before her b-day.
Main thing is: Don't pretend to be someone you're not because YOU'RE the one who'll be miserable. If she OR whoever else likes you for you, how much you spend won't matter at all. It's all about togetherness & having fun together.
Last edited by Forever Blue; 12-01-2022 at 03:00 PM..
You are spending way too much on her - that's entirely on you. YOU put that on yourself. Stop paying for everything and stop doing all these expensive things.
Then tell her you have a huge family and Christmas is expensive for you and how about not giving each other gifts? That's what I am doing with my partner.
I went to an ice hockey game last night. $64 for two tickets for the San Diego game, right behind the players bench.
Anyway, if you break up with her, do it now, don't wait and spend more time and money. I find it more cruel to pretend than be honest and break up before Christmas.
I don't like it when people spend $$$$ and then they complain that they spent $$$$.
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