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He’s whining about her birthday in a forum, but she’s inconsiderate? If he thinks she is inconsiderate and knows he wants to end the relationship (which is his call), do it. Why wait? It’s inconsiderate of him to string her along.
Perhaps he's a gentleman? Perhaps he will not end the relationship. In his post, he never mentioned her ever spending a dollar on him, although he states she makes good money. That is a red flag for me.
Long story short, I've been dating a girl for about 6 months who is quite expensive (for me). I pay for most things when we go out to the tune of probably 600-700 dollars a month for entertainment. Her birthday is coming up in December, she really wants to go to a hockey game and tickets are ~$150 each in addition to a nice dinner and I'm sure other stuff. I hate hockey. Haven't watched a single game all the way through in my life. To add, Christmas is coming I'm going to be buying presents for like 7 nieces and nephews plus 6 or 7 adults. I make decent money, (we both do) but I am the opposite of a spender. Currently debating if I want to continue the relationship after the holidays because of spending differences (among other reasons), so I'm questioning whether I should find a way to get out of going/spending a lot of money on her or just suck it up and pay because it's her birthday and the holidays.
She's nice and the relationship has been fine for the most part, so I don't want to bail on her right before birthday and during the holiday, but this month will hurt more than most Decembers. And because I've been planning a trip in January and trying to save a bit as well, it will impede the budget I have for that. What do you think?
Expensive GF.... are you "buying" her love??
Try this: go cheap for a while and see if she dumps you, and how fast.
Perhaps he's a gentleman? Perhaps he will not end the relationship. In his post, he never mentioned her ever spending a dollar on him, although he states she makes good money. That is a red flag for me.
There’s a huge distinction between being a gentleman vs. an idiot, particularly relative to his own choices. He states he is the (only) one spending money on the relationship; and, if true, it is clearly eating at him. Yet, he doesn’t want to address it as an adult face-to-face (or end the relationship); hence he whines about it in a forum in re: her birthday, no less! It substantially weakens his argument, from my perspective; the red flag is waving in his direction as well. She can’t force him to spend money he doesn’t want to spend, lol.
Location: Formerly Pleasanton Ca, now in Marietta Ga
10,394 posts, read 8,634,072 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VTsnowbird
If you're a saver, and she is perfectly happy spending her and your money as fast as it comes in - ask yourself, do I really want to hitch my wagon to this star? Money is one of the biggest problems that break up couples.
This is a huge issue. My girlfriend thinks money just will appear and I pay for everything. Hmmm, I guess she’s right.
At this point I’m taking steps to up my income to afford her. If it doesn’t work out, the so be it.
In the end I have to make sure I’m ok financially and can’t risk losing what I’ve got.
She has a lavish life style and always had. Used to have "supportive" relationships and likes to spend someone's money, not hers.
She is also "traditional" (whatever that means) and doesn't care about budget. Sure, why not. She is saving most her money, clever girl.
When his money is gone, she will find another sucker.
OP mentioned: "I've only been here under a year." Fresh immigrant from China?
If yes, he needs to get a reality check.
There’s a huge distinction between being a gentleman vs. an idiot, particularly relative to his own choices. He states he is the (only) one spending money on the relationship; and, if true, it is clearly eating at him. Yet, he doesn’t want to address it as an adult face-to-face (or end the relationship); hence he whines about it in a forum in re: her birthday, no less! It substantially weakens his argument, from my perspective; the red flag is waving in his direction as well. She can’t force him to spend money he doesn’t want to spend, lol.
I agree. Perhaps he'll chime in and give a tad more detail. But he seems to like her, so spend away....He could be one of those who always picks up the check. It could be that she has offered to pay but he can not bring himself to allow her to do so....I know a few like that.
You should've had a conversation about finances earlier, 1-2 months into the relationship rather than 6 months later. But it's not too late to have it now.
Is she reciprocating? Does she pay for some of your dates and dinners too? If you give her gifts, does she give you gifts back? etc.
You can base this on income. For example, if you both make similar income, split it 50-50. Or if you make more money than her, maybe split it 2/3 and 1/3. etc.
Tell her exactly what you told us in a honest yet polite way; that you enjoy spending time with her, but you need to cut back on spending and save a bit of money. A relationship is built on the foundation of honesty. You shouldn't be afraid to say that you're not into hockey or that you need to save money; assuming she loves you for who you are, she'll understand.
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