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She's traditional in that she expects or hopes the guy would pay for a lot of the outings vs an even split or the girl paying. Though it seems it is less to do with money, rather a willingness to provide in a situation where neither of us really need to be taken care of and are both pretty independent. Traditional and archaic mentality, similar to that of a guy wanting a girl to be able to provide by being good with kids and being able to cook or something, even though the guy can do those things just fine.
What tradition is that in 21 Century America?? Is she foreign?
If she is so "traditional" she would stay at home and cook/clean for you
It seems like her traditions are selective, whatever suits her.
Do you think she would be a great marriage material? Good with household chores (even if shared), good with budgeting, raising kids etc.
Are you two making any plans for the future? What are the goals?
That being said here is how you should handle it. Have a frank conversation with her, tell her you have been dating 6 months now and you have built some enduring memories as you have gotten to know each other through the tradition of “dating”. You both know you care for one another, but it is time to advance your relationship beyond mere dating and test the outer bounds of a deeper relationship. Meaning it is time for you to act more like a couple and see if this relationship is one that could potentially endure in the long run. You need to be around each other more like a couple, spend time in, cook dinner together, do laundry together and see the best and worst of each other in a slow measured way in order for each of you to determine if this is the relationship you really want. Then tell her, going out X-times a week is what people do to get to know each other a bit, but that is not a lifestyle that endures. You see your relationship as beyond the introductory phase. Then tell her you would like to scale back and act like real couples do and spend more time at home and reserve (Fri/Sat (or whatever)) for our date nights, like most couples, but still be together like a couple on other nights.
She either accepts it or it is time for the two of you to part ways – simple as that.
It's funny though, I've dated girls who have made much less money than I have, or been unemployed, and will still offer to pay or at least split the bill every time. In short, I think money tends to breed entitlement. When you're entitled, having someone pay for dinners all the time and expensive birthdays goes from a kind gesture to an expectation and obligation. Once you exist in it for so long you don't even realize it anymore. I think that is what is frustrating me and I'm not sure it can be reversed. Perhaps I've perpetuated that by not setting hard expectations or limits.
Sounds like you nailed the problem. Question is...do you know how to "fix it?"
Who is this relationship benefitting if it’s just for show?
What’s this strange rule about “making it through the holidays first”?
That’s why OP suddenly has a problem with being expected to continue to pay for things he did before, when he wanted a relationship.
Maybe the gf is thinking the same thing: “I suppose I’ll just keep having sex with him to make it through the holidays, I’m getting kind of resentful about it now that I know I’m dumping him next month.”
You created your own problem OP and there’s a very obvious solution to it.
Maybe because I try to be a good person and am considering her feelings despite my discontent. Despite my annoyances she is a good person as well, and I do actually like a lot of things about her, though it might not seem like it. Plus, everyone hates being alone on the holidays, especially when their birthday is a couple weeks before. And being expensive is of course relative. But when someone is admittedly "good at spending money", I'm just reading the writing on the wall.
I also understand that no one is perfect (I'm definitely not), and there's pretty much always something "wrong" or something I dislike about someone I have dated, and I think that is normal for most people. I am assessing my ability to resolve this particular issue now as we move into the holiday season, based on the information I have provided, and if my thoughts about this are unfounded or as you put it, childishly absurd.
I come here for different, and ideally objective, perspectives. It's also sometimes nice to just rant to anyone that will listen (or read). I'll take the collective feedback of the internet (including yours), along with everything else I know and feel and will hopefully make the best decision I can.
"Being a good person" and "considering her feelings" would be telling her NOW how you feel. Not having a charade of a relationship through the holidays only to dump her in January (or acting "distant" during them).
I assume that as "a good person" you won't be having any more sex with her as of now (if she is assuming this is a relationship).
OP is going to go through the holidays with her because OP doesn't want to be single through the holidays. There's parties to attend and he wants the arm candy.
OP is going to go through the holidays with her because OP doesn't want to be single through the holidays. There's parties to attend and he wants the arm candy.
I don’t get that impression at all. I think he doesn’t want to be a jerk by breaking up right before her birthday and Christmas.
The reality is there is never a good time to break up but I personally think it’s worse to pretend everything is fine until after her birthday and holidays are over.
I don’t get that impression at all. I think he doesn’t want to be a jerk by breaking up right before her birthday and Christmas.
The reality is there is never a good time to break up but I personally think it’s worse to pretend everything is fine until after her birthday and holidays are over.
Well...he's striking me as a guy TELLING us he's a nice guy, but I sense he's not all that nice.
Don't break up with her if she is a nice person and good to you. Just tell her you are not going to spend money anymore. If she likes you for you then she will get into your frame. If not she will do the breaking up for you. A win either way. She has zero leverage.
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