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Ok so he came over yesterday and I hadn’t decided what I wanted to do yet. But I think I’ve made my decision now. We had a really good time. Like we talk for hours. Obviously good sex too. just in person it seems too relationship like and it’s leading me down the wrong path. We hold hands, cuddle, he makes comments that he could kiss me all night etc. But at the end of the day he’s clearly setting the casual relationship boundary.
He went out to meet friends after and I said if he wants somewhere to crash he can come stay over after. I live in city and he lives in suburbs. He didn’t seem too into that idea and then didn’t hear from him that night. I feel like when you like someone and your drunk you think about them and want to see them. Just very clear from that that he doesn’t like me. And I mean that’s ok In casual but I guess not ok because I want more. I don’t want to hang every other week. I want someone who wants to hang more.
So now next step is to figure out how I’m ending it. Can I do this over text ? Since we just hung out it would be another 2 weeks until next time.
If your true intent here is to break it off and move forward, I think a phone call would suffice. I am reasonably confident (and per your own words above) this is pretty clearly a booty call to him. I don't think it necessarily warrants a face to face discussion. More than likely, he will tell you that you're special to him, he enjoys the time he spends with you, etc. (without ever really committing to anything). Being as though you want more, you'll likely read more into his words than what is intended. You'll end up sleeping with him again and then be disappointed as he continues to keep you at arm's length.
He's 23, you're 37. He's a very young adult that is biding his time and enjoying himself until something more serious and someone closer to his own age comes along. If you're good with this being a booty call, continue. If you're not, you should end it now and move on before becoming even more attached. Good luck!
If this were to become serious, what would your family think about you getting serious with somebody barely into adulthood? What would they think about you bringing him into your child's life? Would you have to make up a story about how the relationship started?
I guess it just feels like the lines are getting blurred between hookup and more. .
This happens a lot, unfortunately.
There was a recent thread on here about why people hate on FWB type relationships. The reason is a lot of times one party develops feelings (more often but not always, the woman), and the other party doesn't.
FWB arrangements are riskier than they look on the surface.
In one of your posts you said a casual hookup is nothing to be ashamed of. It's not about shame. It's about not getting hurt. Sure, there is always some risk involved in any kind of relationship. But all too often, the risk isn't worth the reward for a FWB relationship, especially for women.
Last edited by mysticaltyger; 04-30-2023 at 10:52 PM..
don't think it necessarily warrants a face to face discussion. More than likely, he will tell you that you're special to him, he enjoys the time he spends with you, etc. (without ever really committing to anything). Being as though you want more, you'll likely read more into his words than what is intended. You'll end up sleeping with him again and then be disappointed as he continues to keep you at arm's length.
Very good point. It is best she does not see him again, or she does the hurt will continue.
Very good point. It is best she does not see him again, or she does the hurt will continue.
Unfortunately, I don't think her true intent is to break it off with him. I think she wants to tell him that her feelings are starting to become more than just friendly and she is hopeful that he is going to say the same.
I get the feeling that this will likely be a lesson that is learned the hard way.
Last edited by Moonlight Drive; 05-01-2023 at 07:22 AM..
Unfortunately, I don't think her true intent is to break it off with him. I think she wants to tell him that her feelings are starting to become more than just friendly and she is hopeful that he is going to say the same.
I get the feeling that this will likely be a lesson that is learned the hard way.
Yeah, me too.
I was in my 30s when I did something like that, and it was painful. I dragged it out way, way, way too long. Hopefully, she will not try to drag it out as long as I did.
Unfortunately, I don't think her true intent is to break it off with him. I think she wants to tell him that her feelings are starting to become more than just friendly and she is hopeful that he is going to say the same.
I get the feeling that this will likely be a lesson that is learned the hard way.
Yep but those are often the lessons that we learn the most from.
I don't know how phillygirl met her "friend" but at approaching forty, she should know herself better.
And a 23 yo young man is just that--young. Tells the tale.
Unfortunately, I don't think her true intent is to break it off with him. I think she wants to tell him that her feelings are starting to become more than just friendly and she is hopeful that he is going to say the same.
I get the feeling that this will likely be a lesson that is learned the hard way.
Sadly, you are right. It a very common trend with women in a the FWB not really satisfied with it, and really want more out of the arrangement. Men on the other hand, generally tend to be less emotionally attached in the FWB situation and less likely to want more out of the arrangement.
He doesn’t have to care, like, or respect you to get laid. He doesn’t need to focus on stay over afterwards or going to your place late at night as he is drunk and unable to go to his home due to that because your feelings aren’t important to him.
He benefits from taking advantage of your feelings for him. You lose because you stress and overthink.
You’re not going to get him to like you, and you’re probably not a big fan of yourself right now.
The best thing you can do is dump him and block his number. Plus, if it a fwb website you met him I would get rid of it, and if you on non-FBW single sites make it clear in your profile you are not a booty call or after something casual and after a relationship.
If I was in your shoes in the 2 weeks' time you expected to meet him, I would instead make plans, such as go on a holiday far away from where you and he meet, even if is by yourself.
He doesn’t have to care, like, or respect you to get laid. He doesn’t need to focus on stay over afterwards or going to your place late at night as he is drunk and unable to go to his home due to that because your feelings aren’t important to him.
Or, perhaps her feelings *are* important to him, and he's carefully keeping his distance so as not to give her the wrong impression that he has more feelings/wants more than he does. He might be trying not to lead her on.
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