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Or, perhaps her feelings *are* important to him, and he's carefully keeping his distance so as not to give her the wrong impression that he has more feelings/wants more than he does. He might be trying not to lead her on.
Agree 100%. It's not likely, but the only way to find out is to have a conversation and ask him before dumping him and blocking his number without explanation and leaving him wondering what the hell just happened to something he thought was really good all along. The knee-jerk advice on this site is rarely good.
Agree 100%. It's not likely, but the only way to find out is to have a conversation and ask him before dumping him and blocking his number without explanation and leaving him wondering what the hell just happened to something he thought was really good all along. The knee-jerk advice on this site is rarely good.
Yea I agree. He’s actually a really good guy. Like he is very respectful and we have formed a friendship. It’s not just a booty call. A casual hookup yes but I still think the way we have been seeing eachother warrants a conversation. I wouldn’t feel right ghosting him like that. I’ve been distancing myself a bit this week with texting. Going to have a conversation next time we meet.
Agree 100%. It's not likely, but the only way to find out is to have a conversation and ask him before dumping him and blocking his number without explanation and leaving him wondering what the hell just happened to something he thought was really good all along. The knee-jerk advice on this site is rarely good.
I wouldn't call the advice being given "knee-jerk". Per the OP's own words, he is only interested in having sex with her every couple of weeks. There is no in between anything. She invited him to stay over this past weekend and he didn't seem open to the idea. He was out drinking with friends and never reached out to her (and I agree .. if you are interested in someone and out drinking, the odds are pretty high that you will call or message that person). The fact that he didn't, especially in conjunction with everything else, speaks volumes.
I think many young guys have at least one experience throughout their lives where they casually sleep with an older woman. I did and at least a couple of my friends did the same. It was fun and it was a different experience at that time. With that said, at no point did I ever feel like I was in love with that person. Both myself and my friends ultimately ended up with women our own age.
I'm sure there are anomalies that exist, but I think the very vast majority of 20 year old men want 20 year old women. The OP is 37 years old. The guy is just barely not a kid anymore. The odds that this will develop into anything more than just a short-lived booty call are astronomically low to non existent.
I had a friend that married a guy 17 years younger. It only lasted about two years before a divorce. The French president and his wife have gone the distance, tho.
I think the OP needs to seek out other relationships. An emotional investment in this young man isn't likely to pan out. But at least she's not traveling to Florida for this one. OP's posting history shows a life full of turmoil.
Yea I agree. He’s actually a really good guy. Like he is very respectful and we have formed a friendship. It’s not just a booty call.
Wait until he gets a steady girlfriend and let's see just how good of a guy and friend he truly is. I'm reasonably confident you'll be dropped pretty quickly and understandably so.
Quote:
Originally Posted by phillygirl123
A casual hookup yes but I still think the way we have been seeing each other warrants a conversation. I wouldn’t feel right ghosting him like that. I’ve been distancing myself a bit this week with texting. Going to have a conversation next time we meet.
I don't see anyone telling you to "ghost him". Many of us are just saying that a face-to-face isn't necessary since all you really are to him is a side piece anyway. You're wanting to have this face to face conversation because you are holding out hope that he just might feel the same. Keep in mind, he's being "respectful" and a "good guy" because you are giving him no strings attached sex.
It's your life and I do wish you well, but don't be too surprised when you don't end up with the outcome that you are seeking. Honestly, based on your own description, the blatantly obvious is right in front of you.
Wait until he gets a steady girlfriend and let's see just how good of a guy and friend he truly is. I'm reasonably confident you'll be dropped pretty quickly and understandably so.
I don't see anyone telling you to "ghost him". Many of us are just saying that a face-to-face isn't necessary since all you really are to him is a side piece anyway. You're wanting to have this face to face conversation because you are holding out hope that he just might feel the same. Keep in mind, he's being "respectful" and a "good guy" because you are giving him no strings attached sex.
It's your life and I do wish you well, but don't be too surprised when you don't end up with the outcome that you are seeking. Honestly, based on your own description, the blatantly obvious is right in front of you.
Someone said to block him. I am torn between having a face to face to be honest. We have gotten close. Even though it’s just casual I talk with him more than my best friends. I genuinely think he is a good person but I do agree if he found someone his own age I’m sure he would drop me.
I know he just thinks of this as casual and nothing more but I do think he cares about me. I guess I feel that in person would be easier to have a conversation and explain why I am ending it and also to end on an amicable note.
See, the thing is this isn't a real FWB because they aren't really friends , they're sexual partners.
If they were really friends OP would be going with him to meet friends, they'd have a good evening then go back to her place to spend the night. Wake up the next morning, etc. etc.
But he doesn't even want to end the night with her. Says a lot. OP probably hasn't met any of his friends either.
And I agree, OP wants to have The Talk in the forlorn hope he'll take her in his arms and take it to the next level.
She should recognize what this is, a booty call, and call it a day.
See, the thing is this isn't a real FWB because they aren't really friends , they're sexual partners.
If they were really friends OP would be going with him to meet friends, they'd have a good evening then go back to her place to spend the night. Wake up the next morning, etc. etc.
But he doesn't even want to end the night with her. Says a lot. OP probably hasn't met any of his friends either.
And I agree, OP wants to have The Talk in the forlorn hope he'll take her in his arms and take it to the next level.
She should recognize what this is, a booty call, and call it a day.
I mean I would say we are friends but I feel like if he invited me
To meet his friends that would be relationship type. We have gone out together numerous times just not with his friends. I wouldn’t invite him with my friends either. I feel like considering it’s casual that would just be weird. I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that.
I’ve been casually seeing this guy for almost 3 months. It started out as a perfect casual relationship. He’s 23 and I’m 37 so I figured this would be just a fun hookup since we have a huge age difference. He works night shift and doesn’t always get weekends and I have a son part time so our schedules are kinda tough. He texts me everyday but we only hang out every other week.
I recently started getting really emotionally invested. He is just such a good guy it was hard to not fall for him. He’s just very easygoing and respectful. Always asking about my life and offering to pay for everything.
We went out last weekend and had such a good night together. It may have just been me but I felt serious sparks the next day. We just had so much fun. We were just all over eachother at the bar. Like the physical chemistry is intense. He was saying how the night before he was supposed to hang with friends but he wanted to hang with me. He gave me his sweatshirt and we walked home holding hands. We then cuddled on my roof in the rain. He was saying how romantic it was. Had a very passionate night after and cuddled all night. He was also saying at the bar how much fun he was having and we talked about doing it again the next weekend.
Meanwhile it’s now the next weekend and he has off but didn’t ask to hang. I was tempted to ask him but didn’t want to come off as needy. So now I’m wondering if he’s just not in to me besides a casual hookup or he is also not wanting to come off as needy or just hasn’t considered it due to our age difference or that I have a child.
Feel like our relationship has progressed slowly but I really am not sure what he is thinking. Do I need to bring up this convo or is there sometbing I can say casually to see where he stands ? I’m scared to ruin what we have if I tell him how I really feel now.
Actions speaks louder than words. If you are questioning where your relationship is going , scared and confused then it just indicates that he is not into you and time to hit the road.
I mean I would say we are friends but I feel like if he invited me
To meet his friends that would be relationship type. We have gone out together numerous times just not with his friends. I wouldn’t invite him with my friends either. I feel like considering it’s casual that would just be weird. I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that.
A friendship is a relationship, just not a romantic one.
It's not like you'd go with him to "meet" his friends, like a gf, like a significant introduction or something. Haven't you ever brought along a friend when you're meeting other friends? No big "meeting" just hanging out. Nothing weird about it.
When people are friends they know each other's friends. Sure, you two might tell each other things and chat but there's more to friendship than that.
And that's the issue here. This isn't a FWB bc you're not friends.
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