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I am beginning to think that those who want to jump into NOW, not go through a little planning and the like (ie, let's meet for coffee somewhere to have a face to face and talk and if we decide No, then we can go our separate ways, knowing no further than each other) are not worth going after for a relationship.......for to me, it seems that is not what they are interested in.
Am I correct.........or is that just the way that people are, believe these days? Are my beliefs of the way it should be part of ....... "you have kept alive traditions that were dead before you were born.".
I am beginning to think that those who want to jump into NOW, not go through a little planning and the like (ie, let's meet for coffee somewhere to have a face to face and talk and if we decide No, then we can go our separate ways, knowing no further than each other) are not worth going after for a relationship.......for to me, it seems that is not what they are interested in.
Am I correct.........or is that just the way that people are, believe these days? Are my beliefs of the way it should be part of ....... "you have kept alive traditions that were dead before you were born.".
There are a bazillion people on this planet, not really something to generalize.
Some people met and married within months. Think the 1930s through 1950s. Others take their time. These days, there are so many options for meeting and starting a relationship, that you can't generalize. Some of those who want to meet quickly want to see if there is real attraction that you can't establish through messaging or even video chats. It's too subtle in many cases.
I used to want to chat a long time before meeting. Now, I prefer to meet ASAP. There are more fakes and flakes online these days, so establishing baseline reality is more important that it used to be.
........I used to want to chat a long time before meeting. Now, I prefer to meet ASAP. There are more fakes and flakes online these days, so establishing baseline reality is more important that it used to be.
My baseline is first 2 days, at least, of Net chat. Then meeting in public for coffee. Then, if it checks out, meeting at his place or being together for an evening.
Yes, there are fakes and flakes......but there are real dangers in reality, too! I am not going to walk into anyone's den blindly.
I can't imagine bothering with online dating but hey, that's a big thing now. I know a couple people that met that way. One couple met within a couple days of contact, one took months but it was an Ireland (him) U.S. (her) situation.
I'd want to meet and get it over with. Preferably while actually doing something fun or interesting rather than sit there over drinks or coffee.
I don't think there is a right or wrong way. What works for some will not work for others. Some of us want lemon tarts, some want chocolate cake. Are preferences aren't all the same. There's no right or wrong in meeting sooner or later.
Yeah, you know Ted Bundy was a real person, and there are probably a few of them still out there. That said I have never met anybody really problematic. But I am a guy.
Tamara, I think your approach makes sense, meet in a public place for coffee or a similar "light" date.
For most of my dating life, I was wanting to "smoke out" the ladies who claimed to be child free but "oh he'll change his mind when he meets me!" . Now at age 65 I would hope to be done with that...
My baseline is first 2 days, at least, of Net chat. Then meeting in public for coffee. Then, if it checks out, meeting at his place or being together for an evening.
Yes, there are fakes and flakes......but there are real dangers in reality, too! I am not going to walk into anyone's den blindly.
Correct me if I'm wrong but are you saying after you meet in public you go to their home or allow them to yours? In this day and age that can be quite dangerous. Personally no man I have dated has been inside my home or has my address except for the man I am currently seeing. My home is my sanctuary and a few are invited inside.
There's no right or wrong; no one answer for everyone. Each couple and situation is unique.
Better to just appreciate the unique chemistry and what it might offer, than focus on timing and time constraints, which would be a recipe for trouble.
Last edited by Thoreau424; 05-05-2023 at 11:41 AM..
Correct me if I'm wrong but are you saying after you meet in public you go to their home or allow them to yours? In this day and age that can be quite dangerous. Personally no man I have dated has been inside my home or has my address except for the man I am currently seeing. My home is my sanctuary and a few are invited inside.
PRECISELY
The only people invited to my home are my trusted friends. I invite no date home for that is my Fortress of Solitude, my sanctuary. Between those out after one's money (had one try to scam me already), those who would find vulnerabilities to hurt me with, and those cheating on others (and hence, don't want to be a target as "the other woman"), it is something to be very much avoided.
Further, there are a few things to requiring them to provide the place. The first is it neutralizes some of the possibilities that they are cheating on someone. The next is the showing of are they someone or a no one. I've had some prospectives, never met, who wanted me to come over the back fence and through their bedroom window. If I am not going thru the front door, forget it! Finally, there is avoiding my "Anne Boleyn" effect. That is, Anne is there with the men of her family before her marriage to the king. They are interrogating her of what has gone on, on how it can be used to advance THEIR cause.
EXCUSE ME? Who is being scr**ED here? What are you bringing to the party?
AHEM! So many I talk to seem to be like that, asking me to provide all. I don't know if they are scamming, if they think they are God's gift and "the meek" should cater to their every need, or if they are that immature......I just know I won't have anything to do with them.
The only people invited to my home are my trusted friends. I invite no date home for that is my Fortress of Solitude, my sanctuary. Between those out after one's money (had one try to scam me already), those who would find vulnerabilities to hurt me with, and those cheating on others (and hence, don't want to be a target as "the other woman"), it is something to be very much avoided.
Further, there are a few things to requiring them to provide the place. The first is it neutralizes some of the possibilities that they are cheating on someone. The next is the showing of are they someone or a no one. I've had some prospectives, never met, who wanted me to come over the back fence and through their bedroom window. If I am not going thru the front door, forget it! Finally, there is avoiding my "Anne Boleyn" effect. That is, Anne is there with the men of her family before her marriage to the king. They are interrogating her of what has gone on, on how it can be used to advance THEIR cause.
EXCUSE ME? Who is being scr**ED here? What are you bringing to the party?
AHEM! So many I talk to seem to be like that, asking me to provide all. I don't know if they are scamming, if they think they are God's gift and "the meek" should cater to their every need, or if they are that immature......I just know I won't have anything to do with them.
Sounds like you've had some bad experiences. Problematic to have such distrust before even having a date!
Now it was rare for me to ask someone out the first time I met them. I wanted to get to know them a little first. But I think that had more to do with being a relatively shy introvert than a serious vetting process. As I recall, those first timers I would usually meet at a neutral place, but the vast majority of dates I would pick her up at her place.
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. Now at age 65 I would hope to be done with that...
