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I wonder if you guys can help me with a situation I'm currently having with my husband or at least give me some insight on it or his thinking.
He comes from a fairly large family. There are 7 siblings and he's the youngest. They all worship the ground their parents walk on. Both mom and dad are still alive. Dad is 86 and mom just turned 80. My husband is 54 years old. Anytime his mom calls him to come do anything he always goes over to the house even though the three older brothers still all live at home.
Here's the deal. Many years ago before I met him his mom went out and got her dream car, a brand new Honda Accord. She worshiped that car. Anytime she'd drive it she kept a whisk broom down in the door pocket to sweep out any dirt she may have put in it. She is the typical old lady. She only drove it to church, the grocery store, or to the doctor. Earlier this year she had an accident and the car was totaled so she asked my husband to deal with the insurance company and all that to replace the car. Again, when it was totaled she had only put 85k miles on it and it was over 20 years old that tells you how much she drove it.
When dad retired from working he bought a brand new Silverado truck as his retirement truck. He drove it until his health went down and when he stopped driving he gave his truck to one of my husband's sisters. She already had her own car but he had always said he was giving his truck her her. Again, close family so no one complained or tried to get the truck.
My husband dealt with their insurance company and over the course of a few weeks finalized the claim, received the settlement money, and went through the process of getting their mom a new car. The family decided that mom didn't need to worry about trying to make payments on another brand new car so he took the money and found a much newer Honda Accord with all the bells and whistles on it and they just took that settlement money and bought it. No car payments. While looking for the replacement my husband would show me cars he was looking at but since it wasn't a car for me I honestly didn't care. He made a selection and we, he and I, went to the car lot and he test drove it and liked it. He and the salesman asked me if I wanted to take it for a spin and I declined. He then took him mom back a few days later and they made the purchase.
About a month or so later my husband came home and told me that he was at his parent's house speaking with his mom and he asked her what she planned to do with the car either when she is no longer able to drive or she passes away. He said that she told him he could have the car. He said that he spoke to another sister of his and she said that since he handled everything for her in regards to the wreck and the replacement that really no one else deserved the car. When he told me he was getting it I became somewhat excited about it and I told him I couldn't wait to drive it. At that point he told me to pump my brakes. He said she was giving him the car not us the car. Just like his dad gave his sister his truck mom was giving him her car. The sister alternates driving her car one week while the trick stays parked then she'll park her car and drive the truck for a week. He said he was planning on doing the exact same thing with the Honda. Now granted, it may be a few years before he actually gets the car but knowing it's going to be here at some point and my husband is hesitant on letting me drive it I have an issue with that. I told him he needed to give me a key to it and he said that when he picked it out I didn't want to drive it because it wasn't a car for me. But now that it will eventually be mine he says it's like I'm already staking claim to it.
He said that he will treat this car just like his mom treated it and her prior car. This will not be an everyday driver car. It may sit there a few days until he decides to move it. I have my own car and he has an SUV so he said that I should be happy driving the car I went to the dealership and pick out and am paying for. In his mindset not everything in a marriage is shared property. His mom is giving him the car and not us. He bought his SUV a little more than 4 years ago and since he's had it I've probably driven it less than 20 times.
Now he did say I could drive the Honda on occasion but it's not going to be just a spare car in the driveway for me to decide which one I want to drive that day. He said that if there was something wrong with my car I could use it but I'm not going to just take him mom's car because I want to drive it to the mall or anything like that. And again, this is a 2009 Honda Accord not a classic Corvette or Mustang and it's definitely not a high end luxury car.
Do you think he's being a bit selfish? Do we not share everything in a marriage so doesn't that make that car ours?
When he told me he was getting it I became somewhat excited about it and I told him I couldn't wait to drive it.
In the context of that same conversation, if my spouse responded the same I would probably become annoyed and might be a little bearish in my response as well.
From his POV, receiving the car means his mother's health has declined to the point she cannot drive. That's nothing to be excited about. You were not excited to drive it when offered a test drive.
He also might had planned to sell the car and give her the money (it does belong to her after all - he did not buy her the car). It seems that your assumption the car would become yours might have hit him the wrong way.
FWIW, your prelude to the meat of your story kinda hints that you're resentful of the time and energy he spends caring for his parents. That might be a standing issue between the two of you and if not, he probably senses the resentment.
I wonder if you guys can help me with a situation I'm currently having with my husband or at least give me some insight on it or his thinking.
He comes from a fairly large family. There are 7 siblings and he's the youngest. They all worship the ground their parents walk on. Both mom and dad are still alive. Dad is 86 and mom just turned 80. My husband is 54 years old. Anytime his mom calls him to come do anything he always goes over to the house even though the three older brothers still all live at home.
Here's the deal. Many years ago before I met him his mom went out and got her dream car, a brand new Honda Accord. She worshiped that car. Anytime she'd drive it she kept a whisk broom down in the door pocket to sweep out any dirt she may have put in it. She is the typical old lady. She only drove it to church, the grocery store, or to the doctor. Earlier this year she had an accident and the car was totaled so she asked my husband to deal with the insurance company and all that to replace the car. Again, when it was totaled she had only put 85k miles on it and it was over 20 years old that tells you how much she drove it.
When dad retired from working he bought a brand new Silverado truck as his retirement truck. He drove it until his health went down and when he stopped driving he gave his truck to one of my husband's sisters. She already had her own car but he had always said he was giving his truck her her. Again, close family so no one complained or tried to get the truck.
My husband dealt with their insurance company and over the course of a few weeks finalized the claim, received the settlement money, and went through the process of getting their mom a new car. The family decided that mom didn't need to worry about trying to make payments on another brand new car so he took the money and found a much newer Honda Accord with all the bells and whistles on it and they just took that settlement money and bought it. No car payments. While looking for the replacement my husband would show me cars he was looking at but since it wasn't a car for me I honestly didn't care. He made a selection and we, he and I, went to the car lot and he test drove it and liked it. He and the salesman asked me if I wanted to take it for a spin and I declined. He then took him mom back a few days later and they made the purchase.
About a month or so later my husband came home and told me that he was at his parent's house speaking with his mom and he asked her what she planned to do with the car either when she is no longer able to drive or she passes away. He said that she told him he could have the car. He said that he spoke to another sister of his and she said that since he handled everything for her in regards to the wreck and the replacement that really no one else deserved the car. When he told me he was getting it I became somewhat excited about it and I told him I couldn't wait to drive it. At that point he told me to pump my brakes. He said she was giving him the car not us the car. Just like his dad gave his sister his truck mom was giving him her car. The sister alternates driving her car one week while the trick stays parked then she'll park her car and drive the truck for a week. He said he was planning on doing the exact same thing with the Honda. Now granted, it may be a few years before he actually gets the car but knowing it's going to be here at some point and my husband is hesitant on letting me drive it I have an issue with that. I told him he needed to give me a key to it and he said that when he picked it out I didn't want to drive it because it wasn't a car for me. But now that it will eventually be mine he says it's like I'm already staking claim to it.
He said that he will treat this car just like his mom treated it and her prior car. This will not be an everyday driver car. It may sit there a few days until he decides to move it. I have my own car and he has an SUV so he said that I should be happy driving the car I went to the dealership and pick out and am paying for. In his mindset not everything in a marriage is shared property. His mom is giving him the car and not us. He bought his SUV a little more than 4 years ago and since he's had it I've probably driven it less than 20 times.
Now he did say I could drive the Honda on occasion but it's not going to be just a spare car in the driveway for me to decide which one I want to drive that day. He said that if there was something wrong with my car I could use it but I'm not going to just take him mom's car because I want to drive it to the mall or anything like that. And again, this is a 2009 Honda Accord not a classic Corvette or Mustang and it's definitely not a high end luxury car.
Do you think he's being a bit selfish? Do we not share everything in a marriage so doesn't that make that car ours?
Help.
When you say "It's just a car" to a Real Car Guy, them's fighting words, so pick your battles carefully!
Do you drive as well and skillfully as he does? Be honest here.
Its not JUST a car. Its his Mother's car. One she loved. One he worked hard to pick for her. And his Father and Mother's health have declined. He may lose them soon. Its a symbol of his Mother.
his mom is still driving the car. Can't you guys take a pill chill and not already divide her assets? She is not dead yet.
^Exactly.
I would hide the keys myself..
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pickleball23
When he told me he was getting it I became somewhat excited about it and I told him I couldn't wait to drive it. At that point he told me to pump my brakes.
Help.
Yeah, you do need to pump your brakes. Your attitude toward the issue in your post comes across as both insensitive and materialistic (to me).
Its not JUST a car. Its his Mother's car. One she loved. One he worked hard to pick for her. And his Father and Mother's health have declined. He may lose them soon. Its a symbol of his Mother.
Agree. There's so much more than a car tied up in this. OP you are the one coming off as rather selfish, jealous, and resentful. You didn't have any interest until this potential heirloom might benefit you. There's a word for that.
Last edited by Parnassia; 10-10-2023 at 03:40 PM..
I wonder if you guys can help me with a situation I'm currently having with my husband or at least give me some insight on it or his thinking.
He comes from a fairly large family. There are 7 siblings and he's the youngest. They all worship the ground their parents walk on. Both mom and dad are still alive. Dad is 86 and mom just turned 80. My husband is 54 years old. Anytime his mom calls him to come do anything he always goes over to the house even though the three older brothers still all live at home.
Here's the deal. Many years ago before I met him his mom went out and got her dream car, a brand new Honda Accord. She worshiped that car. Anytime she'd drive it she kept a whisk broom down in the door pocket to sweep out any dirt she may have put in it. She is the typical old lady. She only drove it to church, the grocery store, or to the doctor. Earlier this year she had an accident and the car was totaled so she asked my husband to deal with the insurance company and all that to replace the car. Again, when it was totaled she had only put 85k miles on it and it was over 20 years old that tells you how much she drove it.
When dad retired from working he bought a brand new Silverado truck as his retirement truck. He drove it until his health went down and when he stopped driving he gave his truck to one of my husband's sisters. She already had her own car but he had always said he was giving his truck her her. Again, close family so no one complained or tried to get the truck.
My husband dealt with their insurance company and over the course of a few weeks finalized the claim, received the settlement money, and went through the process of getting their mom a new car. The family decided that mom didn't need to worry about trying to make payments on another brand new car so he took the money and found a much newer Honda Accord with all the bells and whistles on it and they just took that settlement money and bought it. No car payments. While looking for the replacement my husband would show me cars he was looking at but since it wasn't a car for me I honestly didn't care. He made a selection and we, he and I, went to the car lot and he test drove it and liked it. He and the salesman asked me if I wanted to take it for a spin and I declined. He then took him mom back a few days later and they made the purchase.
About a month or so later my husband came home and told me that he was at his parent's house speaking with his mom and he asked her what she planned to do with the car either when she is no longer able to drive or she passes away. He said that she told him he could have the car. He said that he spoke to another sister of his and she said that since he handled everything for her in regards to the wreck and the replacement that really no one else deserved the car. When he told me he was getting it I became somewhat excited about it and I told him I couldn't wait to drive it. At that point he told me to pump my brakes. He said she was giving him the car not us the car. Just like his dad gave his sister his truck mom was giving him her car. The sister alternates driving her car one week while the trick stays parked then she'll park her car and drive the truck for a week. He said he was planning on doing the exact same thing with the Honda. Now granted, it may be a few years before he actually gets the car but knowing it's going to be here at some point and my husband is hesitant on letting me drive it I have an issue with that. I told him he needed to give me a key to it and he said that when he picked it out I didn't want to drive it because it wasn't a car for me. But now that it will eventually be mine he says it's like I'm already staking claim to it.
He said that he will treat this car just like his mom treated it and her prior car. This will not be an everyday driver car. It may sit there a few days until he decides to move it. I have my own car and he has an SUV so he said that I should be happy driving the car I went to the dealership and pick out and am paying for. In his mindset not everything in a marriage is shared property. His mom is giving him the car and not us. He bought his SUV a little more than 4 years ago and since he's had it I've probably driven it less than 20 times.
Now he did say I could drive the Honda on occasion but it's not going to be just a spare car in the driveway for me to decide which one I want to drive that day. He said that if there was something wrong with my car I could use it but I'm not going to just take him mom's car because I want to drive it to the mall or anything like that. And again, this is a 2009 Honda Accord not a classic Corvette or Mustang and it's definitely not a high end luxury car.
Do you think he's being a bit selfish? Do we not share everything in a marriage so doesn't that make that car ours?
Help.
The idea is when Mom is no longer able to drive husband gets the car. Just let it go it's his mom's car one day it might be yours but that's not now and it doesn't matter. Cross that bridge when you come to it.
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