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You have a right to your opinion. I have a right to respond to your opinion to disagree with it, yes even as an atheist myself. My view on relationships is simple, be enough by yourself whether you can get a relationship or not. I live by that damn creed on the daily.
An he can put food on the table because of the job provided by the woman.
And we can go round and round.
How many men do you think can fix that heating system? All those other men pick up the phone to call another man (or woman) to fix it for them. Why do you find it derogatory when a woman calls a repairman?
You assume a great deal. It was not meant to be derogatory, but your bias always finds its way to the forefront.
You assume a great deal. It was not meant to be derogatory, but your bias always finds its way to the forefront.
That's what happens when you follow the crowd.
And you don't think you assume much?
Exactly how was that meant to be? "I imagine many women can fix the heating system... by picking up the phone and calling a man."
Does it not imply that the only way many women can fix a problem is to rely on a man to do it for her. Or how are you going to spin that one.
Disagreeing with your opinion or seeing an alternative view hardly substantiates following the crowd. Quite the opposite actually.
Let me just add this observation of a man who is much smarter than all of us, and I believe a man is pragmatic and a woman is about imagination. Don't sell yourself short... Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world.
~A. Einstein~
Apparently he understood women quite well.
I was not really assigning any value judgments to it. I just get annoyed at absolutes, and at generalizations that I've observed to be frequently untrue.
I have seen both men and women behave in irrational ways. Sometimes it's cute, sometimes it's destructive, sometimes it's endearing, sometimes it's isolating. Depends on how it manifests. There are plenty of men into illogical belief systems that tap into emotions and feelings. There are plenty of women who, should we choose to do so, can stand toe to toe with the most logic based vocations out there. And who have very high executive function in evidence in how they otherwise organize our lives and responsibilities.
Hell, an excessive degree of problem solving has actually been a liability and a detriment in my life. By always being right there to solve my sons' problems as they grew up, they came to rely on me overmuch and now struggle to make smart choices and solve their own problems. People around me tend to learn that if they chuck their messes into my lap, I will sort them out. Sometimes I don't mind...but sometimes it is a problem.
About fixing things... My husband has had a very different upbringing than I have. He had family he could count on, and often did. I've felt like I was on my own to deal with various challenges my entire life. I can't recall a time where I felt secure that anyone would properly solve any problem I had, unless I did it myself. And since the advent of the internet, I feel like just about anything I need to fix, if I don't know how, then the info is out there. It's only a question of time & effort, versus just paying someone to deal with it because I am busy. But it will always be a choice between those two things. My husband is always the first one to suggest paying someone to do anything, I always first consider if I can DIY it for less or free. To the extent he fusses at me for lifting things I shouldn't lift and trying to fix things I'm not qualified to fix.
I am a well paid senior analyst. He is retired with a decent inheritance. I do the planning, budgeting, the taxes, and the management of the trusts. Oddly one of the things that I really value about him though is that he's NOT as serious and driven as I am. He is a calming presence. He gives me the space and permission to relax and rest, where otherwise I might drive myself into the ground. At least for now and until old age starts to really impair him, he is one of few areas of my life that always relieves my stress rather than adding to it. I used to have one of those husbands who could lift heavy stuff and fix things, but he would be so obnoxious and awful the whole time because I dared ask anything of him that I'd sure regret it. I'd rather a man who didn't do it at all, than one who did so but made me pay with a weekend of misery listening to him gripe and moan and yell. Like I've said throughout the thread...I don't need a man to be the solution, if he can simply manage to not be the problem.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980
Why do short men have to be psychoanalyzed?
Why can’t a short Man be an abusive jerk because some people are abusive jerks like anyone of any size
Why does it have to be him overcompensating for his size?
Why does anyone have to be psychoanalyzed?
We were talking about how men who are big and/or tall feel like the size of their body makes them appear threatening to strangers, regardless of their intent or their behavior. Someone rightly pointed out that real threats come in all shapes and sizes and that they had encountered some nasty pieces of work wrapped up in small bodies. And it is a particular archetype of man that I've encountered who DOES feel like he has to overcompensate for his size. When I was a teenager living in a town right by/on a Marine base for a while, there was a very short Puerto Rican guy who drove a sportscar and went around threatening people in a way that was damn near comical, at least my grandpa found him to be hilarious. He was a customer of my grandparents' barber shop. Literally laid into my teenage boyfriend with one of those "if you hurt her, I'll do xyz to you" rants one day out of nowhere. I have no idea if he had the bite to back up his bark or not.
To be honest though, in a way I don't find that an unreasonable adaptation to one's circumstances. If I were a short man in a highly macho environment full of dudes trying to physically dominate each other all the time, I'd probably develop a real tough guy act (with perhaps the skills to back it) just to cope. Like the smaller dude in a home full of rowdy brothers, even.
A person is a blend of their nature and their nurture. The point of this line of discussion was not that people should be over-scrutinizing short men, but rather that people shouldn't be making assumptions about others based on something like their stature. Rather, judge by behavior. But someone who feels generally vulnerable in their environment, when encountering a stranger of just about any kind, is right to be looking out for themselves.
Hell...funny thing... I've lived in some REALLY sketchy places. I've encountered some wild characters when I was young and poor and living rough in Cincinnati. The one time I was actually attacked in a way that I was afraid for my life by strangers, you know who it was? Not tall men or short men. Not men at all. Boys. Children. A small group of pre-pubescent boys. I was walking home, 8 months obviously pregnant and these kids came out of nowhere and were throwing chunks of concrete and brick at me and chasing me down an icy sidewalk. Bunch of white kids in the poor white area of the "East End." I used to think it was wild that my older relatives were so scared of the mostly black "ghetto" neighborhood I later lived on the edge of, 'cause I could walk through there late at night and no one ever threatened me. I always felt like if I was respectful and minded my business, others there would do the same, surely you did not see boys throwing bricks at a pregnant woman there. A lot of people have some really wrong ideas about who is dangerous in this world. Anyone might be...most folks, I think, thankfully aren't.
Hell...funny thing... I've lived in some REALLY sketchy places. I've encountered some wild characters when I was young and poor and living rough in Cincinnati. The one time I was actually attacked in a way that I was afraid for my life by strangers, you know who it was? Not tall men or short men. Not men at all. Boys. Children. A small group of pre-pubescent boys. I was walking home, 8 months obviously pregnant and these kids came out of nowhere and were throwing chunks of concrete and brick at me and chasing me down an icy sidewalk. Bunch of white kids in the poor white area of the "East End." I used to think it was wild that my older relatives were so scared of the mostly black "ghetto" neighborhood I later lived on the edge of, 'cause I could walk through there late at night and no one ever threatened me. I always felt like if I was respectful and minded my business, others there would do the same, surely you did not see boys throwing bricks at a pregnant woman there. A lot of people have some really wrong ideas about who is dangerous in this world. Anyone might be...most folks, I think, thankfully aren't.
I will have to agree with you on this one.
Teenage or preteen kids - esp boys can be the most troublesome / dangerous individuals.
Especially when they are in a group. For some reason the combined testosterone edges them to do really stupid, mean things.
A lot of times it is because of a poor upbringing. Horrible parents are horrible role models.
If your parents are racist, profanity loving, drinking irresponsible role models... well that kinda rubs off on their kids.
So when they are out with their buds, the "bad attitudes" mixed in with a feeling of young bravado is a recipe for violence / criminal behaviour.
Sorry you had to deal with such a group of idiots and glad you came out okay.
I was not really assigning any value judgments to it. I just get annoyed at absolutes, and at generalizations that I've observed to be frequently untrue.
I have seen both men and women behave in irrational ways. Sometimes it's cute, sometimes it's destructive, sometimes it's endearing, sometimes it's isolating. Depends on how it manifests. There are plenty of men into illogical belief systems that tap into emotions and feelings. There are plenty of women who, should we choose to do so, can stand toe to toe with the most logic based vocations out there. And who have very high executive function in evidence in how they otherwise organize our lives and responsibilities.
Hell, an excessive degree of problem solving has actually been a liability and a detriment in my life. By always being right there to solve my sons' problems as they grew up, they came to rely on me overmuch and now struggle to make smart choices and solve their own problems. People around me tend to learn that if they chuck their messes into my lap, I will sort them out. Sometimes I don't mind...but sometimes it is a problem.
About fixing things... My husband has had a very different upbringing than I have. He had family he could count on, and often did. I've felt like I was on my own to deal with various challenges my entire life. I can't recall a time where I felt secure that anyone would properly solve any problem I had, unless I did it myself. And since the advent of the internet, I feel like just about anything I need to fix, if I don't know how, then the info is out there. It's only a question of time & effort, versus just paying someone to deal with it because I am busy. But it will always be a choice between those two things. My husband is always the first one to suggest paying someone to do anything, I always first consider if I can DIY it for less or free. To the extent he fusses at me for lifting things I shouldn't lift and trying to fix things I'm not qualified to fix.
I am a well paid senior analyst. He is retired with a decent inheritance. I do the planning, budgeting, the taxes, and the management of the trusts. Oddly one of the things that I really value about him though is that he's NOT as serious and driven as I am. He is a calming presence. He gives me the space and permission to relax and rest, where otherwise I might drive myself into the ground. At least for now and until old age starts to really impair him, he is one of few areas of my life that always relieves my stress rather than adding to it. I used to have one of those husbands who could lift heavy stuff and fix things, but he would be so obnoxious and awful the whole time because I dared ask anything of him that I'd sure regret it. I'd rather a man who didn't do it at all, than one who did so but made me pay with a weekend of misery listening to him gripe and moan and yell. Like I've said throughout the thread...I don't need a man to be the solution, if he can simply manage to not be the problem.
Why does anyone have to be psychoanalyzed?
We were talking about how men who are big and/or tall feel like the size of their body makes them appear threatening to strangers, regardless of their intent or their behavior. Someone rightly pointed out that real threats come in all shapes and sizes and that they had encountered some nasty pieces of work wrapped up in small bodies. And it is a particular archetype of man that I've encountered who DOES feel like he has to overcompensate for his size. When I was a teenager living in a town right by/on a Marine base for a while, there was a very short Puerto Rican guy who drove a sportscar and went around threatening people in a way that was damn near comical, at least my grandpa found him to be hilarious. He was a customer of my grandparents' barber shop. Literally laid into my teenage boyfriend with one of those "if you hurt her, I'll do xyz to you" rants one day out of nowhere. I have no idea if he had the bite to back up his bark or not.
To be honest though, in a way I don't find that an unreasonable adaptation to one's circumstances. If I were a short man in a highly macho environment full of dudes trying to physically dominate each other all the time, I'd probably develop a real tough guy act (with perhaps the skills to back it) just to cope. Like the smaller dude in a home full of rowdy brothers, even.
A person is a blend of their nature and their nurture. The point of this line of discussion was not that people should be over-scrutinizing short men, but rather that people shouldn't be making assumptions about others based on something like their stature. Rather, judge by behavior. But someone who feels generally vulnerable in their environment, when encountering a stranger of just about any kind, is right to be looking out for themselves.
Hell...funny thing... I've lived in some REALLY sketchy places. I've encountered some wild characters when I was young and poor and living rough in Cincinnati. The one time I was actually attacked in a way that I was afraid for my life by strangers, you know who it was? Not tall men or short men. Not men at all. Boys. Children. A small group of pre-pubescent boys. I was walking home, 8 months obviously pregnant and these kids came out of nowhere and were throwing chunks of concrete and brick at me and chasing me down an icy sidewalk. Bunch of white kids in the poor white area of the "East End." I used to think it was wild that my older relatives were so scared of the mostly black "ghetto" neighborhood I later lived on the edge of, 'cause I could walk through there late at night and no one ever threatened me. I always felt like if I was respectful and minded my business, others there would do the same, surely you did not see boys throwing bricks at a pregnant woman there. A lot of people have some really wrong ideas about who is dangerous in this world. Anyone might be...most folks, I think, thankfully aren't.
The problem is most people see it as just short men being a-holes and overcompensating for their size rather then a defense mechanism from past situations.
If you stick up for yourself you’re a jerk with a Napoleon complex if you do nothing you get harassed. You can’t win
If a big dude uses his size to bully/intimidate that’s fine apparently. I don’t see many women complaining about them and saying I’m gonna avoid dating strong athletic guys because they may use it to hurt people but one or two bad experiences with short men and they stay away forever and say most have a chip on their shoulder
Teenage or preteen kids - esp boys can be the most troublesome / dangerous individuals.
Especially when they are in a group. For some reason the combined testosterone edges them to do really stupid, mean things.
A lot of times it is because of a poor upbringing. Horrible parents are horrible role models.
If your parents are racist, profanity loving, drinking irresponsible role models... well that kinda rubs off on their kids.
So when they are out with their buds, the "bad attitudes" mixed in with a feeling of young bravado is a recipe for violence / criminal behaviour.
Sorry you had to deal with such a group of idiots and glad you came out okay.
I should note, though the relevance is limited, I am not a POC, I am a white woman. This was not a racially motivated attack, it was just a bunch of feral children being a menace.
My point was rather that I did have racist relatives growing up, I recall feeling so disgusted and disappointed overhearing some of the things my grandparents said. And even my beloved great aunt would lock her car doors driving through a predominantly black neighborhood, though she would prefer to avoid it altogether if possible...but not worry as much about the run down nightmare of Appalachian-descended "dancing with snakes" and animal hoarder types of the poor white area... But having experience with both, I felt far safer around the poor people of color than the poor white people. As a white person.
Again, point being, if we are counting on any kind of bias or judgment about appearances to decide who is a threat and who isn't, we're probably being pretty stupid. I tend to instead just try to recognize situations in which I need to be more aware of EVERYONE around me...versus those where I don't.
Unfortunately though? If I am in one of those situations and I'm just being particularly alert and aware in general, any person who gets the stranger-danger treatment vibe or whatever might think that it's personal against them. And this was my message to the OP...it isn't. It is that person, probably, feeling anxious about their situation, and you just happening to be the dude who wandered into it. At least, assuming he was not doing anything weird.
The problem is most people see it as just short men being a-holes and overcompensating for their size rather then a defense mechanism from past situations.
If you stick up for yourself you’re a jerk with a Napoleon complex if you do nothing you get harassed. You can’t win
If a big dude uses his size to bully/intimidate that’s fine apparently. I don’t see many women complaining about them and saying I’m gonna avoid dating strong athletic guys because they may use it to hurt people but one or two bad experiences with short men and they stay away forever and say most have a chip on their shoulder
I prefer to avoid anyone who exhibits bullying behaviors regardless of their stature.
The husband that I mindfully chose, when I had the wherewithal to make an intelligent choice about it as a mature adult, is...5'7"? I think? He is a peaceful and non violent man. He has nothing to prove to anyone, does not engage in tough guy posturing, does not bully anyone, and has excellent self control. He also does not leap to get defensive and prickly and fight over nothing. He's great.
But the thing is, if you go around behaving badly, people are likely to extend their negative judgment of you beyond your acts and into your appearance as well. If I know an overweight person who is kind and sweet and awesome, I will defend them ferociously against anyone who tries to insult their appearance. But if someone is a mean, nasty, horrible individual by their words and actions, and someone mocks their appearance, I am far less likely to defend them and may even find it funny. I think that's a pretty common human thing, though I know a lot of very politically correct types who are trying to do away with all body shaming regardless. Maybe that's a good move.
But there really is a difference between sticking up for yourself, and being a jerk or a bully. Regardless of how you're built.
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