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The big guy could easily use his appearance to intimidate if he was that kind of person. Like Harvey Weinstein - even if he wasn't a predator he was known for using his imposing size and temperament to bully people. When short men bulk up with roids so much that they are ridiculously wide why are they doing that, it is not for their health or looks. They want a way to look more imposing, while more likely damaging their health.
The eyes, definitely. They eyes tell a lot. Seeing a switch in expression to darkness or a flash in the eyes is jarring. I believe most women know about this innately, or they learn.
I am open to talking to anyone too and always give people a chance unless they come out of the gate giving a bad vibe. Then I try to remove myself from the situation, if possible.
I guess I have just never had any man try to intimidate or bully me by using his physical size, but then most unsafe encounters for me have been sexual, by average-sized men. The only men who ever physically tried to assault me were my exes. I'm not a violent person until someone throws the first punch. I'm not a petite person either.
Thankfully for me encountering threatening men is not a common occurrence. I quite enjoy the company of most of them, at least in small doses.
Yes, I have learned not to engage with "crazies". At least IRL.
I guess I have just never had any man try to intimidate or bully me by using his physical size, but then most unsafe encounters for me have been sexual, by average-sized men. The only men who ever physically tried to assault me were my exes. I'm not a violent person until someone throws the first punch. I'm not a petite person either.
Thankfully for me encountering threatening men is not a common occurrence. I quite enjoy the company of most of them, at least in small doses.
Yes, I have learned not to engage with "crazies". At least IRL.
My point was that there is an element of the sexual stuff that is more about bullying than it is sex. You are talking about bullying as though it cannot be sexual. I'm saying that for some guys, the exercise of power is more the point than trying to get laid is. When they know they don't really stand a chance but they are aggressively persisting just to see you get scared. I lump this, and online trolling sometimes, and just generally antisocial "I feel powerless and frustrated in my entitlements so I'm looking for someone to push around where I think I can get away with it" together...it's petty, nasty, bully behavior.
And no, it's not men of any particular large physical size who do this. In fact, a smaller man is probably more likely to look for people weaker than him that he can try to push around so he can feel like a man.
In any instance where a man was being sexually inappropriate, or assaulting you like your ex, or whatever...ask yourself, would he have done that if you were a man of equal size and strength to him? And did he think he could get away with it because you were of lesser power to him in some way?
When I was about 20, I worked nights in a convenience store near a college in Iowa. This one frat boy jerk used to come in constantly, and he openly propositioned me, begged me to give him his number, go home with him, have sex with him, go on a date with him. He just would not stop. I told him that I was married with kids at home, he said, "what your man doesn't know won't hurt him." After I told him no a bunch of times, even saying, "It will never, ever be yes." (To which he replied, "I'll never stop until it is.") he started lurking outside waiting for me to go smoke or take out the trash. I got to a point where I'd watch the cameras for him and when he showed up, I'd let my coworker know and vanish into the back. He seemed to find that hilarious and would loudly ask about me and loiter around. I eventually had to get him banned from the store.
He might have hoped for a date initially. But after a while, my discomfort was the POINT of what he was doing. He liked to see me upset. That is bullying. It is also sexual harassment, but the bullying is the motivation. Also, he was not particularly big or tall. He was one of those clean cut, "country club" looking college guys.
And to touch on something else, I am not generally intimidated by large men who are just out in public living life. Acting normal. That's why I wonder if the obsessive overthinking and rejection sensitive dysphoria some of these dudes have going on, has got them feeling so nervous around women that they are transmitting it in their body language and "acting weird" without meaning to. I will be more anxious around someone who is visibly nervous for no apparent reason, than some calm person just chillin' on the bus. You know?
My point was that there is an element of the sexual stuff that is more about bullying than it is sex. You are talking about bullying as though it cannot be sexual. I'm saying that for some guys, the exercise of power is more the point than trying to get laid is. When they know they don't really stand a chance but they are aggressively persisting just to see you get scared. I lump this, and online trolling sometimes, and just generally antisocial "I feel powerless and frustrated in my entitlements so I'm looking for someone to push around where I think I can get away with it" together...it's petty, nasty, bully behavior.
And no, it's not men of any particular large physical size who do this. In fact, a smaller man is probably more likely to look for people weaker than him that he can try to push around so he can feel like a man.
In any instance where a man was being sexually inappropriate, or assaulting you like your ex, or whatever...ask yourself, would he have done that if you were a man of equal size and strength to him? And did he think he could get away with it because you were of lesser power to him in some way?
When I was about 20, I worked nights in a convenience store near a college in Iowa. This one frat boy jerk used to come in constantly, and he openly propositioned me, begged me to give him his number, go home with him, have sex with him, go on a date with him. He just would not stop. I told him that I was married with kids at home, he said, "what your man doesn't know won't hurt him." After I told him no a bunch of times, even saying, "It will never, ever be yes." (To which he replied, "I'll never stop until it is.") he started lurking outside waiting for me to go smoke or take out the trash. I got to a point where I'd watch the cameras for him and when he showed up, I'd let my coworker know and vanish into the back. He seemed to find that hilarious and would loudly ask about me and loiter around. I eventually had to get him banned from the store.
He might have hoped for a date initially. But after a while, my discomfort was the POINT of what he was doing. He liked to see me upset. That is bullying. It is also sexual harassment, but the bullying is the motivation. Also, he was not particularly big or tall. He was one of those clean cut, "country club" looking college guys.
And to touch on something else, I am not generally intimidated by large men who are just out in public living life. Acting normal. That's why I wonder if the obsessive overthinking and rejection sensitive dysphoria some of these dudes have going on, has got them feeling so nervous around women that they are transmitting it in their body language and "acting weird" without meaning to. I will be more anxious around someone who is visibly nervous for no apparent reason, than some calm person just chillin' on the bus. You know?
Wow, what a jerk... sorry you had to go through that nonsense.
Just curious... are you of a short / small stature?
I think that anyone (yes including men) that are short / skinny are easier targets for bullies.
The taller / more mass you are, the lesser the chance of bullies targeting you.
And I agree, that jerk kept on harrassing you because of his little ego got bruised. I swear people like that need to be straightened out. Sorry I know violence is not the answer, but I don't know what else would make jerks like that understand.
My point was that there is an element of the sexual stuff that is more about bullying than it is sex. You are talking about bullying as though it cannot be sexual. I'm saying that for some guys, the exercise of power is more the point than trying to get laid is. When they know they don't really stand a chance but they are aggressively persisting just to see you get scared. I lump this, and online trolling sometimes, and just generally antisocial "I feel powerless and frustrated in my entitlements so I'm looking for someone to push around where I think I can get away with it" together...it's petty, nasty, bully behavior.
And no, it's not men of any particular large physical size who do this. In fact, a smaller man is probably more likely to look for people weaker than him that he can try to push around so he can feel like a man.
In any instance where a man was being sexually inappropriate, or assaulting you like your ex, or whatever...ask yourself, would he have done that if you were a man of equal size and strength to him? And did he think he could get away with it because you were of lesser power to him in some way?
When I was about 20, I worked nights in a convenience store near a college in Iowa. This one frat boy jerk used to come in constantly, and he openly propositioned me, begged me to give him his number, go home with him, have sex with him, go on a date with him. He just would not stop. I told him that I was married with kids at home, he said, "what your man doesn't know won't hurt him." After I told him no a bunch of times, even saying, "It will never, ever be yes." (To which he replied, "I'll never stop until it is.") he started lurking outside waiting for me to go smoke or take out the trash. I got to a point where I'd watch the cameras for him and when he showed up, I'd let my coworker know and vanish into the back. He seemed to find that hilarious and would loudly ask about me and loiter around. I eventually had to get him banned from the store.
He might have hoped for a date initially. But after a while, my discomfort was the POINT of what he was doing. He liked to see me upset. That is bullying. It is also sexual harassment, but the bullying is the motivation. Also, he was not particularly big or tall. He was one of those clean cut, "country club" looking college guys.
And to touch on something else, I am not generally intimidated by large men who are just out in public living life. Acting normal. That's why I wonder if the obsessive overthinking and rejection sensitive dysphoria some of these dudes have going on, has got them feeling so nervous around women that they are transmitting it in their body language and "acting weird" without meaning to. I will be more anxious around someone who is visibly nervous for no apparent reason, than some calm person just chillin' on the bus. You know?
I understand what you are saying. I am just separating the two. I think most bullying of women by men has sexual overtones and I don't think size necessarily has anything to do with it. Everyone's experience is different. Of the 3 experiences I had (that I really felt threatened) it was a one-time ordeal. I did have a few guys "infatuated" with me but it was harmless stuff although I did have someone (men) speak to them but not at my request. A situation of men making women feel safe I guess.
And I agree, that jerk kept on harrassing you because of his little ego got bruised. I swear people like that need to be straightened out. Sorry I know violence is not the answer, but I don't know what else would make jerks like that understand.
The repercussions and definitions for sexual harassment today are certainly harsher. Of course, they were once pretty much non-existent. Not that I think it makes all men understand.
It is too bad things often have to swing too far in the opposite direction to try to correct past socially accepted misconduct.
Wow, what a jerk... sorry you had to go through that nonsense.
Just curious... are you of a short / small stature?
I think that anyone (yes including men) that are short / skinny are easier targets for bullies.
The taller / more mass you are, the lesser the chance of bullies targeting you.
And I agree, that jerk kept on harrassing you because of his little ego got bruised. I swear people like that need to be straightened out. Sorry I know violence is not the answer, but I don't know what else would make jerks like that understand.
Yeah, I'm 5'3", about 120 lb. And uh...how to say this without being too tmi... He was not the only guy harassing me at that time in my life, one of my bosses (an assistant manager) also was really inappropriate, trying to get me to have a threesome with him and his wife. One thing about that point is that I was nursing a baby, and so I'll just say that my um...assets were artificially inflated. lol I believe my husband put it as, "oh my god, they're bigger than your head!" after I had our first kid. And I did not have any persisting pregnancy weight, so my figure was more interesting to guys who have that preference, than it usually otherwise is. I guess.
Still no excuse to be an ass like that, but I was drawing more eyes. Figure it gives me sympathy rather than envy for the gals who rock those "huge tracts of land" on the regular, they are more trouble than they're worth.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares
The repercussions and definitions for sexual harassment today are certainly harsher. Of course, they were once pretty much non-existent. Not that I think it makes all men understand.
It is too bad things often have to swing too far in the opposite direction to try to correct past socially accepted misconduct.
True. I can think of a few different situations I either saw or experienced personally in the 90s that I would be calling a lawyer about in the present day.
What makes me mad is that I could see when the "me too movement" arose...first of all, it had a wonderful purpose. The point of it was just that too many people think that bad behavior is really rare and the territory of totally maladjusted criminal types, and that isn't true. It just isn't. I think that it is valid to wish for men to know just how often we experience this stuff. But secondly, the thought that I instantly had was that there are going to be people who will weaponize this. Warp it, twist it, make it about their own agendas, make false accusations... Humans are humans, some are good, some are bad, gender makes no difference in that. There will always be bad ones looking to find the advantage in what should have been a good thing.
I understand what you are saying. I am just separating the two. I think most bullying of women by men has sexual overtones and I don't think size necessarily has anything to do with it. Everyone's experience is different. Of the 3 experiences I had (that I really felt threatened) it was a one-time ordeal. I did have a few guys "infatuated" with me but it was harmless stuff although I did have someone (men) speak to them but not at my request. A situation of men making women feel safe I guess.
Definitely, I hate it but it helps to have guys who have your back and might have a talk with men who are bothering you.
The size thing is just something that is what it is. Not many people will mess with a big guy. It can gain a person instant respect in that regard. As a very petite woman I feel I'm at the bottom of the hierarchy. My second to last most recent male bully wasn't much bigger than me. I hate to say napoleon syndrome but very aggressive nature and quick temper. He made some remarks about my small size as weakness.
I'm not necessarily fearful of these bullies getting violent, just that they feel they can push me around in ways they would not with other men and sometimes it can get weird. In my past I've had male authority figures say creepy things to me, not sexual, but really strange things that none of the guys I told could understand. Of course I'm going to be intimidated, those people have power. Then you have to ask is this person mentally unbalanced, or just playing a game and weaponizing their power for fun. And finally, does that make them dangerous, there's the uncertainty.
Definitely, I hate it but it helps to have guys who have your back and might have a talk with men who are bothering you.
That's definitely a point as to how a man can make a woman feel safe--listen to her and respect her choices. A woman shouldn't have to make up a fake boyfriend or husband for a guy to take "no" for an answer.
Definitely, I hate it but it helps to have guys who have your back and might have a talk with men who are bothering you.
The size thing is just something that is what it is. Not many people will mess with a big guy. It can gain a person instant respect in that regard. As a very petite woman I feel I'm at the bottom of the hierarchy. My second to last most recent male bully wasn't much bigger than me. I hate to say napoleon syndrome but very aggressive nature and quick temper. He made some remarks about my small size as weakness.
I'm not necessarily fearful of these bullies getting violent, just that they feel they can push me around in ways they would not with other men and sometimes it can get weird. In my past I've had male authority figures say creepy things to me, not sexual, but really strange things that none of the guys I told could understand. Of course I'm going to be intimidated, those people have power. Then you have to ask is this person mentally unbalanced, or just playing a game and weaponizing their power for fun. And finally, does that make them dangerous, there's the uncertainty.
Perhaps it is because you are petite or perhaps because I am not. I think I'm shrinking in my dotage but in my day I was tall for a girl 5'10 1/2 wearing a man's size 8 shoe (that is not really tall anymore). And I may have a mean resting face.
Perhaps it is because you are petite or perhaps because I am not. I think I'm shrinking in my dotage but in my day I was tall for a girl 5'10 1/2 wearing a man's size 8 shoe (that is not really tall anymore). And I may have a mean resting face.
Maybe, but it shouldn't be that way. We aren't in the jungle fighting for food and nesting spots. Size shouldn't have much to do with how we treat people at this point in our civilization. Then again neither should gender, age, etc.
Lol, as for shrinkage I don't measure my height anymore, I don't even want to know.
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