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Sorry guys. Everybody is capable of it. Just because you say you're not doesn't mean a cotton-picking thing. Now that's not to say that you're looking to do it. It's also not to say that the circumstances wouldn't have to be a lot more unusual than for somebody who took their vows less seriously. But I have no illusions that all people are fallible, and that includes you and me.
In fact, we had a close friend who, over dinner about five years ago, practically said word-for-word what mari4him said. I mean, this woman was a Sunday school teacher, involved in lots of charities, was the first person to volunteer, etc. etc. This woman was the very model of propriety. She followed all the rules and, like Mari, put all those little boundaries around herself.
So what happened? Her husband, a really good guy, got a position where he traveled a lot--sometimes weeks at a time. At the same time, her mother passed away from cancer. Slowly over time, we noticed just subtle changes in her personality and her dress. Not flashy, but not nearly as conservative. She started working out. And, when her younger child could drive, she wasn't volunteering at the schools nearly as much. She confided in my wife that she was bored with the housewife routine, but didn't want to work, either.
A few months after that, she was caught in the middle of a really torrid affair with some guy she met online. Evidently, out of boredom, she started going online to a message board just like this one. Over time, she befriended one guy, started sharing confidences and, at some point, crossed over the line. She started heaping blame on her poor husband for her lonliness, and eventually met the guy during one of his visits to town. The next thing she knew, she was in his hotel room shucking clothes. That's the story she told her friends.
Now she and her husband are patching it back together. I don't know if it will last. We hope it will. But, as I said before, this woman was about the last woman in the world we would have suspected of banging somebody not her husband.
The reality is that I use my brain before I do something. I have all too often heard people say "It just happened", thats BS. We all have control of our own actions unless someone spikes your drink and so forth. Its against my sense of morality. I have been put in situations where alot of people would have cheated. I have been divorced twice and before the divorce was final, I had plenty of opportunities. Even before the divorce was filed the first time, one of his best friends made it known loud and clear that he wanted to be with me but just because I knew our marriage had problems didn't mean I would do something like that.
I have to wonder if your attitude isn't like this because you have cheated and you need to believe that everyone is the same as you are.
Oh, I believe whole heartedly with you on this. The belief and statement is not enough merely on it's own. It has to carry with it a determination and active participation in it's avoidance for it to be accomplished.
In a way, I guess I can see where you may have been coming from in as much as someone that simply says "they never will" but really out of a cockiness I guess, without any real substance behind it. However, for those that have truly considered it and it's implications and determine that "they never will", it is a far different situation.
The first are the one's that may get blindsided by it because of their misguided belief. The second, however, take the precautions to assure they won't be blindsided.
I personally am like Ms. Martha in my views on it. I avoid situations that could lead to such temptations or appearances. I do not entertain male friendships that do not involve my husband. I do not hold intimate conversations with men. I do not participate in girls night out at happy hour with single friends, or married for that matter. I avoid being in any private area with a male, other than my husband. I refrain from any conversation with a male that I would not have in the presence of my husband. I feel if I wouldn't say or do something in the presence of my husband, then I have no business doing or saying it in his absence. I don't entertain flirtations and draw the line very clearly should someone try to cross it. I cut it off right at the onset before it has any opportunity to go any further. I am extremely open with my husband and there are no "private" area's of my life. I am an open book to him. He has full access to my phone, my email and every account that I may have. There is no secrecy between he and I.
For the record, the same above goes for him and how he carries himself with females.
The key to not cheating on your SO, in my opinion, is not allowing any room for such activity to occur. Period.
Yep. You're absolutely right. Of course, I'm in a profession that's 90% women, so it's really, really hard to operate under your guidelines. I have female clients, female colleagues, and female vendors. I have to travel with them, eat with them, and have the occasional glass of wine with them. In the natural course of being in this profession for twenty-odd years, I have cultivated friendships with them. And, quite frankly, there are times when you are thrust into situations that are unavoidable. The most notable time for me was being on an eight-day photo shoot to LA, where you have a lot of time on your hands with an extremely attractive and witty person. Let me tell you, there were a lot of cold showers taken by me on that trip.
There have been several occasions where, during the course of my career, I have encountered women who have been flirtatious, or have actually made outright passes at me. For example, the married woman who, over dinner, invited me to have sex with her outright. Or the married woman who took my hand and held it in the hotel elevator as we retired for the evening to our respective rooms. Or the single woman who suggested that we spend a weekend at her beachside condo to work on our presentation. And those are just representative incidents. There have been plenty others.
But, at the same time, I don't just have an overweening sense of invulnerability. That means I turn down that third glass of wine. Or, if things are getting too friendly, I feign tiredness and turn in early.
Was I tempted? On two occasions, I have to admit to it because there was absolute chemistry. Did I have a fantasy or two about the women in question? You bet I did. Did I succumb to temptation? Nope, but it wasn't easy.
The reality is that I use my brain before I do something. I have all too often heard people say "It just happened", thats BS. We all have control of our own actions unless someone spikes your drink and so forth. Its against my sense of morality. I have been put in situations where alot of people would have cheated. I have been divorced twice and before the divorce was final, I had plenty of opportunities. Even before the divorce was filed the first time, one of his best friends made it known loud and clear that he wanted to be with me but just because I knew our marriage had problems didn't mean I would do something like that.
I have to wonder if your attitude isn't like this because you have cheated and you need to believe that everyone is the same as you are.
Please don't be stupid and indulge in pop psychology. Thanks.
Was I tempted? On two occasions, I have to admit to it because there was absolute chemistry. Did I have a fantasy or two about the women in question? You bet I did. Did I succumb to temptation? Nope, but it wasn't easy.
Jeez, cpg, you must be really hot! Let's see a pic!
The business field I was in several years ago, I traveled too with a lot of men and was put in those same situations every day, but I just never had the desire to act on any of them . And we've been together over 18 years and our relationship still it has not gotten "old" to me.
Jeez, cpg, you must be really hot! Let's see a pic!
The business field I was in several years ago, I traveled too with a lot of men and was put in those same situations every day, but I just never had the desire to act on any of them . And we've been together over 18 years and our relationship still it has not gotten "old" to me.
No, that would be crossing the line. Plus you live only 90 miles away in a city where I do bidness. The last thing I need is you tossing your panties or your room key into my driveway, you Jezebel you.
No, that would be crossing the line. Plus you live only 90 miles away in a city where I do bidness. The last thing I need is you tossing your panties or your room key into my driveway, you Jezebel you.
OMG, that is too funny!!! How did you know I did stuff like that? Good luck with your "bidness"
I guess so sierra! Looks like I gotta hop on 65 South right now with my panties in hand.
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