Would you cheat on your current or future SO if you'd get away with it? (dating, female)
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Yep. You're absolutely right. Of course, I'm in a profession that's 90% women, so it's really, really hard to operate under your guidelines. I have female clients, female colleagues, and female vendors. I have to travel with them, eat with them, and have the occasional glass of wine with them. In the natural course of being in this profession for twenty-odd years, I have cultivated friendships with them. And, quite frankly, there are times when you are thrust into situations that are unavoidable. The most notable time for me was being on an eight-day photo shoot to LA, where you have a lot of time on your hands with an extremely attractive and witty person. Let me tell you, there were a lot of cold showers taken by me on that trip.
There have been several occasions where, during the course of my career, I have encountered women who have been flirtatious, or have actually made outright passes at me. For example, the married woman who, over dinner, invited me to have sex with her outright. Or the married woman who took my hand and held it in the hotel elevator as we retired for the evening to our respective rooms. Or the single woman who suggested that we spend a weekend at her beachside condo to work on our presentation. And those are just representative incidents. There have been plenty others.
But, at the same time, I don't just have an overweening sense of invulnerability. That means I turn down that third glass of wine. Or, if things are getting too friendly, I feign tiredness and turn in early.
Was I tempted? On two occasions, I have to admit to it because there was absolute chemistry. Did I have a fantasy or two about the women in question? You bet I did. Did I succumb to temptation? Nope, but it wasn't easy.
I'll give you that work environment can make it very tough at times, and sometimes you just can't help what that work environment is based on the career you have. In such cases, however, I do believe that avoiding those temptations is still possible through the use of maintaining conversations and interactions at a professional level. I believe the dangers come in once a professional relationship with a member of the opposite sex dives into personal life communications that goes above and beyond "yes I am married and have 3 children" and into "yeah my wife and I argue about that same stuff too, sometimes I feel she just doesn't appreciate or respect me" for example. There are still lines not to cross, even when your career tosses you into situations such as what you described.
Personally, I know some women/men can just be flat out forward, but in most cases, people just pick up on the vibes we put out. They can sense whether or not they will be crossing a line should they so much as attempt to be forward. Also, should they attempt to be forward, I have no problem with being equally outright forward myself in saying they have crossed a line and making it clear that I don't fool around. If they didn't or couldn't have enough respect for me as a married woman, then they deserve my response and outright rejection.
I was recently described as a "snack" by a roomful of women. Draw your own conclusions.
You must be a sadist, too! MLV could be stuffed, but some of us are on a diet and dangling yummy snacks before the eyes of hungry people is not humane... I already got the idea from the long post...
I'll give you that work environment can make it very tough at times, and sometimes you just can't help what that work environment is based on the career you have. In such cases, however, I do believe that avoiding those temptations is still possible through the use of maintaining conversations and interactions at a professional level. I believe the dangers come in once a professional relationship with a member of the opposite sex dives into personal life communications that goes above and beyond "yes I am married and have 3 children" and into "yeah my wife and I argue about that same stuff too, sometimes I feel she just doesn't appreciate or respect me" for example. There are still lines not to cross, even when your career tosses you into situations such as what you described.
Personally, I know some women/men can just be flat out forward, but in most cases, people just pick up on the vibes we put out. They can sense whether or not they will be crossing a line should they so much as attempt to be forward. Also, should they attempt to be forward, I have no problem with being equally outright forward myself in saying they have crossed a line and making it clear that I don't fool around. If they didn't or couldn't have enough respect for me as a married woman, then they deserve my response and outright rejection.
I think there's a lot of validity in what you say, and I've really had to watch what and how I interact with others as a result. My wife claims that people are just drawn to me. I'm the guy that people walk up to and ask directions. I'm the guy that kids walk up to in the grocery store or the mall when they can't find their parents. She says I have a knack for relating to just about anybody, and I'm more interested in talking about them than talking about me. So, she's not surprised when these things happen. I always tell her, by the way. She says when I don't tell her that she would begin to worry. According to Mrs. CPG35223, "I don't care where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home."
Sorry, Claire. You are Exhibit A. I've known any number of people just like you who would have been appalled at the thought. And yet they wind up in affairs.
How old are you?
Sure, anyone is capable of it. I'm physically able to cheat - but I. Won't. Do. It.
I'm 46 years old, and have been married for 6+ years. I've been in a few long-term relationships before my marriage. Not once did I ever even entertain the thought of cheating - even when I was nearing the end of a horrible relationship, and was given the opportunity.
Just because you and the people you know don't have the moral fortitude not to cheat, does not mean no one does. You do NOT speak for me, and I can tell you with 100% certainty that I will never cheat on my husband. Like I said, if it got to that point, I would end my marriage first. I could never live with the guilt, even if there was no way he would ever find out.
Please don't be stupid and indulge in pop psychology. Thanks.
You seem awfully defensive, maybe you just barely dodged the temptation but at any rate, your terse language is telling whether you want to admit that to yourself or not.
No, that would be crossing the line. Plus you live only 90 miles away in a city where I do bidness. The last thing I need is you tossing your panties or your room key into my driveway, you Jezebel you.
Where'd ya'll live? I think I'm far away enough to see the wrap of the snack!
You seem awfully defensive, maybe you just barely dodged the temptation but at any rate, your terse language is telling whether you want to admit that to yourself or not.
No, my language was terse because your post was insulting. Look, judging by your ongoing catalog of bitter rants, I know you're the self-styled paragon of virtue on the board. And I also know that you carry your past wounds on your sleeve for everybody to see, mainly because you nurse them on a daily basis. And I know that you're exceptionally cynical about everybody else. But just because you view all people and all things through a distorted prism doesn't make them that way. The fact is, I am human, I have faced temptation, and I thought enough to admit as much to the board. And you can either take what I say at face value, or you can stick it where the sun don't shine.
This thread has so many errors in it because so many of us define "cheating" in different ways. Some would say that the viewing of pornography without the other partner there would be cheating, some view dancing and flirting with another person cheating, some view conversations with an anonomous person through an online source cheating, some would view scrolling the personal adds of *ahem* craigslist cheating, and then there are those that only view an act as cheating if intercourse is involved. So it's a very gray area.
I personally think all the above would constitute as cheating in some form, but I know there are those that disagree with this and that's fine. The thought of actually having a sexual encounter with someone who I am not involved with seems very dark and ugly, regardless if I can "get away with it" or not.
This thread has so many errors in it because so many of us define "cheating" in different ways. Some would say that the viewing of pornography without the other partner there would be cheating, some view dancing and flirting with another person cheating, some view conversations with an anonomous person through an online source cheating, some would view scrolling the personal adds of *ahem* craigslist cheating, and then there are those that only view an act as cheating if intercourse is involved. So it's a very gray area.
I personally think all the above would constitute as cheating in some form, but I know there are those that disagree with this and that's fine. The thought of actually having a sexual encounter with someone who I am not involved with seems very dark and ugly, regardless if I can "get away with it" or not.
I think for the purpose of discussion here, I think we're really talking about making the beast with two backs.
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MLV could be stuffed, but some of us are on a diet and dangling yummy snacks before the eyes of hungry people is not humane...
