why does it upset us? (doctor, people, like, control)
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I am the same person if i am speaking to you in person or over the net,why would there be a difference?
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
Nuance. There's a whole host of communication that takes place in person that one doesn't see in a message board. Tone of voice, facial expression, inflection, all add meaning to the discussion at hand.
Case in point? I tend to speak plainly, but almost never tick people off in person. I just say what's on my mind, but do it in a way that doesn't cause offense. My wife says I have a knack for saying what other people can't. But on here, it can definitely come off the wrong way.
About the only difference that I can see between how I am here on the boards and how I am in real life is this...
1 - I am more apt to jump in with my opinion here on the boards than in real life. In real life I can be a bit more shy and reserved and usually only as free with my opinion once I feel comfortable in the environment.
2 - I am more apt to express myself a bit better here on the boards than in real life. In real life I don't have a backspace key anywhere near my mouth where the words come out, therefore, editing to make sure it is clear and concise is not an option.
But as far as my personality, my opinion, my views, and how I try to conduct my communications/conversations, there is little difference. I try to show respect to other's whether I agree with their opinion or not. I, however, also try to gain the understanding (while not necessarily the acceptance or agreeance with them) from others of my opinion and views as well.
Nuance. There's a whole host of communication that takes place in person that one doesn't see in a message board. Tone of voice, facial expression, inflection, all add meaning to the discussion at hand.
Case in point? I tend to speak plainly, but almost never tick people off in person. I just say what's on my mind, but do it in a way that doesn't cause offense. My wife says I have a knack for saying what other people can't. But on here, it can definitely come off the wrong way.
Totally agree with you on this. However, I don't think this would mean that someone necessarily is different on these boards than they are in real life. It does however mean that how other's may interpret what they say can be different from reading it here on the boards vs. if they were having a real life face to face conversation that involved all those other modes of communication as well.
Therefore, peoples interpretation of someone's personality may be different from what that person really is like, but whether that person is the same way in real life as they are on the boards is a matter that is seperate and based on the individual person themselves. At least in my opinion.
It's really irritating when a stranger's words on a screen can get right under your skin and hijack your peace of mind. It holds you hostage because it touched a hot button inside you. We all have them and we aren't usually aware of them until it explodes. That's because the hot button is something about ourselves that we don't like and we spend a great deal of time and energy hiding.
Even a few words on a screen can expose the hot button and make us feel naked, humilated and ashamed. We get upset because we have failed to hide it well enough. Those words got through the protective shield and found our vulnerable spot.
Try asking yourself what that hot button is for you, and if you can own it as part of you rather than pretend it's not there, those pesky words that some stranger wrote won't bug you nearly as much.
I don't think it's unusual for anyone to feel involved with what's going on with someone else on a message board. After all, people claim to fall in love with people they "meet" online and apparently they do as many go on to get married. And even before computers people would correspond by letters and grow close to people they had only met briefly or not at all. There are many examples of young people meeting right before or during a war and carrying on a years' long relationship through correspondence.
a minister once said, words can kill, just as though you took a gun to someone's head, words can have the same effect....
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Why posts get under your skin
