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Did Tom actually ever, in that brief conversation years ago, state that it would be in the sum of $1000 a month? Was a sum spoken of at all? And if not, where does she justify this amount from now if all he said is he would give her some money? I mean, $300 a month would then honor his commitment to her of giving "some" money.
Still doesn't make sense to me but I guess it makes a difference in regards to the amount that she is now demanding if that is specifically an amount he stated he would give. I still believe she is unreasonable and that as a mother, she should be desiring that money to go towards providing her grandchildren a good life rather than adding to her assets.
Nope, Tom never promised ANY amount of money, the $1,000 was his own Mother's idea. Now, why she insisted that he gives her money when she actually has more money than Tom does... beats me
Nope, Tom never promised ANY amount of money, the $1,000 was his own Mother's idea. Now, why she insisted that he gives her money when she actually has more money than Tom does... beats me
Beats me too. I agree that the wife should put her foot down on this one, but more importantly that Tom puts his foot down with his mother and lets her know that his offer was an act of appreciation and generosity, that he never intended for it to be thrown in his face, nor used to discredit him among other family members. If he still feels like giving the $300, he can do that, but he should not allow himself to be manipulated or guilted into giving anything more than what he and his wife feel comfortable giving.
Why Tom's poor wife is being dragged into this mess I have no idea. Tom needs to take the bull by the horns and tell his Mother that she is way out of line.
She needs to know that he meant to give something out of love and that demanding money from him has taken away the warm feeling he had hoped for by making the gesture.
She needs to be told that if the gesture is going to be made at all it will bo on Tom's terms and not hers.
I would not be happy if I was Tom's wife and being blamed for a mess that is between Mother and son, and nothing to do with her at all.
Tom should send mom 50 bucks a month for a year and call the promise fulfilled! He should let his mom know that is contingent upon his continuing to make at least his current income and no major unforeseen expenses.
He should also ask his mom how she came up with the sum of $1000 per month (for how long?) since they hadn't discussed any amount?
If the original promise was to pay when he "makes it" and he hasn't made it yet and there was no promise for any particular amount then, since there was no specific agreement, I would say he owes greedy mommy nada!
Any rational grandma not in financial straits would be foolish to pursue this.
Feel free to e-mail her this comment.
It amazes me that his mother is demanding $1000 a month rather than saying to him "it's okay son, don't worry about even the $300, you have 2 children now, just give them the best life you can, which is what we did for you".
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It sounds to me that Tom's mother is unhappy he eventually married. It sounds like she is trying to make trouble. It is very hard sometimes to meet our parents' expectations. Sounds like his mother needs to get over herself.
But, I am sure, if they have no money problems and are quite wealthy (his parents), the last thing Tom wants to do with his parents is stir the pot.
He should invite them to dinner, all by himself so they can talk freely about this. I mean, Tom's father, may not even know about it.
It also sounds like Tom was very involved with his family prior to getting married and maybe his mom just needs some TLC. Maybe she just needs attention. Does Tom's wife ever just call up her MIL and ask her to go shopping or to lunch? (Might be a nice way to start).
Tom could also point out that he is working hard trying to emulate the same, wonderful life his parents gave him, etc. If his parents gave him such a nice life, that must be something there between the ears. Maybe?
I am one of those children who had to help my parents financially. Did I want to? No. Was I put in a difficult situation? Always. Started at age 15 - over 30 years later - still doing it. I guess I still have a problem with the "Honor Thy Mother and Father" thing.
Maybe Tom and his family could give his parents some TIME, that priceless gift (and I am not being sarcastic).
It sounds to me that Tom's mother is unhappy he eventually married. It sounds like she is trying to make trouble. It is very hard sometimes to meet our parents' expectations. Sounds like his mother needs to get over herself.
But, I am sure, if they have no money problems and are quite wealthy (his parents), the last thing Tom wants to do with his parents is stir the pot.
He should invite them to dinner, all by himself so they can talk freely about this. I mean, Tom's father, may not even know about it.
It also sounds like Tom was very involved with his family prior to getting married and maybe his mom just needs some TLC. Maybe she just needs attention. Does Tom's wife ever just call up her MIL and ask her to go shopping or to lunch? (Might be a nice way to start).
Tom could also point out that he is working hard trying to emulate the same, wonderful life his parents gave him, etc. If his parents gave him such a nice life, that must be something there between the ears. Maybe?
I am one of those children who had to help my parents financially. Did I want to? No. Was I put in a difficult situation? Always. Started at age 15 - over 30 years later - still doing it. I guess I still have a problem with the "Honor Thy Mother and Father" thing.
Maybe Tom and his family could give his parents some TIME, that priceless gift (and I am not being sarcastic).
So are you saying that Tom's is the "Raymond" and his Mom is "Raymond's Mother" in "Everybody Loves Raymond"?
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