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I'm in a sexless marriage. My wife has a low sex drive but that's not the reason why we have a sexless marriage. We haven't had traditional sex in well over a year now. She has severe back problems and scoliosis. If her shoulders are flat on the bed then her hips are turned and vise versa. If she's on top it causes pain in her hips and back. I do masterbate her but she now stops me before achieving full orgasms due to the intense pain it causes her afterwards from the muscle spasms in her back and hips. So until there is a miracle cure we have to settle for hugs, kisses, caresses, and masterbation. If you truly love someone then not having sex isn't that important.
This sounds an awful lot like sex to me. I don't think the other posters are getting any of that from their spouses.
I feel like I should clarify a few things about my situation.
First, it isn't as though I walk around resentful and angry all the time about the lack of sex. I rarely even think about it anymore. So, it's not like it has had a big impact on our relationship. I did mention that I haven't pursued anything on the side for over a year now. (Self-congratulatory comment here).
Second, I'm really not angry about the situation any more. He does everything else he can think of to make me happy. He will go to the store at 10pm if I casually mention that I'm craving gruyere cheese to go with my Zinfandel wine. And he does make me happy in every other way. He is still very affectionate and cuddly (this caused problems early on, because I thought he was coming onto me, when it really was just cuddles and affection).
In the past year, I have purposely gained some weight so that I am less tempted by other men. I know this sounds crazy, but it does help me stay faithful. I'm grateful to have this forum to get all of this out. If my friends/family/co-workers knew about any of this, they would be shocked to say the least.
I feel like I should clarify a few things about my situation.
First, it isn't as though I walk around resentful and angry all the time about the lack of sex. I rarely even think about it anymore. So, it's not like it has had a big impact on our relationship. I did mention that I haven't pursued anything on the side for over a year now. (Self-congratulatory comment here).
Second, I'm really not angry about the situation any more. He does everything else he can think of to make me happy. He will go to the store at 10pm if I casually mention that I'm craving gruyere cheese to go with my Zinfandel wine. And he does make me happy in every other way. He is still very affectionate and cuddly (this caused problems early on, because I thought he was coming onto me, when it really was just cuddles and affection).
In the past year, I have purposely gained some weight so that I am less tempted by other men. I know this sounds crazy, but it does help me stay faithful. I'm grateful to have this forum to get all of this out. If my friends/family/co-workers knew about any of this, they would be shocked to say the least.
Which just shows how wrong what you did is. When you're not doing anything wrong, you have nothing to be ashamed/scared of.
As for your flings, if your kids were to find out they may lose a lot of respect for you and again, you may damage your relationship with them.
This isn't necessarily true. I can't provide statistics, just my own history. My dad had a long-term affair that was found out about when I was 20 years old. While it was a bit startling initially, when I really thought about it, I could understand why. He was in a sexless marriage (unfortunately, my mother almost seemed proud of this) with a woman who belittled him constantly. And while I wasn't too thrilled with his choice of partner on the side, I could certainly understand his reasons.
My Dad had a mistress for over 20 years because my Mom did not want to have sex anymore. She wanted him to be her provider, but no longer her lover. They finally shared this part of their life with me when I was in my late teens. I was not mad at my father, more disappointed in both of them-but they agreed on it. I believe my Dad wanted my mother to desire him, but she no longer had any physical ties with him and preferred that he be with another woman as long as he did not leave her. My mom did not have to work and her primary concern was herself. Spoiled she was and strange was their relationship. She told me she thought of my father as a brother more than her lover. WOW!! Fortunately, my father was financially able to take care of both the women and the children very well, but I always believed that he would have done it differently had my Mom not denied him one of his greatest pleasures. I always wondered why my Dad did not leave my Mom. I did find out from my ex-husband that my Dad told him that leaving her was not an option, because he knew my Mom would try to take him for everything he had and that it was not worth it when he was permitted to have an affair outside of his marriage. I also know that he adored and loved my mother very much.
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