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Old 12-29-2008, 03:49 AM
 
Location: Southwestern Ohio
4,112 posts, read 6,524,069 times
Reputation: 1625

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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Just wondering...since you are the beekeepers friend and actually KNOW his wife, can't you have a heart to heart with her? Is it possible she doesn't know how much she is hurting him?

If that is not possible or totally fruitless, can you please have a heart to heart with him? He should not live like this and waste so much of his life being lonely and unhappy. Why he does it is something I cannot comprehend.
I have known forest from city data only ... though I've been on for some time. Unfortunately, I have never met either of them in person and we are separated by over 1,000 miles.

Though someday, it will only be a couple of hundred when I move to Maine. I would talk to her if he wanted me to, but I'm not sure how much I could help.
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Old 12-29-2008, 09:30 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,217 posts, read 100,772,237 times
Reputation: 40200
Quote:
Originally Posted by dramamama6685 View Post
I have known forest from city data only ... though I've been on for some time. Unfortunately, I have never met either of them in person and we are separated by over 1,000 miles.

Though someday, it will only be a couple of hundred when I move to Maine. I would talk to her if he wanted me to, but I'm not sure how much I could help.
Oh, I thought I'd read previously that you guys are friends who actually see each others families. Well, I still say, as his friend would you please try to help him either fish or cut bait? Nobody should be as miserable as he is.
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Old 01-01-2009, 06:31 AM
 
Location: Southwestern Ohio
4,112 posts, read 6,524,069 times
Reputation: 1625
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Oh, I thought I'd read previously that you guys are friends who actually see each others families. Well, I still say, as his friend would you please try to help him either fish or cut bait? Nobody should be as miserable as he is.
I agree. We will be heading up near-ish his way this September and I will do anything he asks(that's what friends are for, right?). I think it's more complicated by the fact that he really does love her and they still have 1 or 2 kids at home.
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Old 01-01-2009, 07:35 PM
 
Location: Maine
7,727 posts, read 12,390,517 times
Reputation: 8344
I've met Forest and his wife. She's a lovely person. Their kids are adults. I would never presume to "talk to her" about their relationship, it's none of my business. Could it possibly be that after many years of his being gone for long periods of time (in the service) that having him home all the time now, has affected their marriage? I do know that financially it would be difficult for them both to seperate, (as in any marriage). From what little I know of them, they are both hard working, decent people. She has had heart problems, possibly that has affected her as well. I'm sorry they're going through problems and hope they can get past it. Adult children at home can sometimes complicate matters it seems to me. My best wishes to all.
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Old 01-01-2009, 09:21 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,217 posts, read 100,772,237 times
Reputation: 40200
Quote:
Originally Posted by msina View Post
I've met Forest and his wife. She's a lovely person. Their kids are adults. I would never presume to "talk to her" about their relationship, it's none of my business. Could it possibly be that after many years of his being gone for long periods of time (in the service) that having him home all the time now, has affected their marriage? I do know that financially it would be difficult for them both to seperate, (as in any marriage). From what little I know of them, they are both hard working, decent people. She has had heart problems, possibly that has affected her as well. I'm sorry they're going through problems and hope they can get past it. Adult children at home can sometimes complicate matters it seems to me. My best wishes to all.

She may be a "lovely" person, but she's also being a very selfish one. She is hurting her husband with her constant rejection of him and her refusal to discuss the situation with her doctor. There IS help for people with her problems but she doesn't want to even try apparently. How much is a man supposed to take? If this had been the deal the day he married her that would be one thing - but she switched things up on him a year after marriage. Women like this don't deserve to keep nice guys like him in my opinion. How awful it must feel to be basically told "I love you, but I don't love you enough to actually work at showing you that love." He must be so lonely!
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Old 01-01-2009, 09:29 PM
 
Location: State of Superior
8,733 posts, read 15,949,038 times
Reputation: 2869
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
She may be a "lovely" person, but she's also being a very selfish one. She is hurting her husband with her constant rejection of him and her refusal to discuss the situation with her doctor. There IS help for people with her problems but she doesn't want to even try apparently. How much is a man supposed to take? If this had been the deal the day he married her that would be one thing - but she switched things up on him a year after marriage. Women like this don't deserve to keep nice guys like him in my opinion. How awful it must feel to be basically told "I love you, but I don't love you enough to actually work at showing you that love." He must be so lonely!
There are a lot of us out there like that....... these threads just scratch the surface.
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Old 01-01-2009, 09:34 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,217 posts, read 100,772,237 times
Reputation: 40200
Quote:
Originally Posted by darstar View Post
There are a lot of us out there like that....... these threads just scratch the surface.
I just do not get this. When you love someone the word "love" becomes a verb - an action word. You take the action you need to take to live that love.

Now, if there is something beyond your control keeping you from being able to be sexually intimate with your spouse, that's one thing. BUT, if there is something you can do that you aren't doing YOU ARE BEING UNLOVING TOWARD YOUR SPOUSE AND SELFISH. Unloving, selfish spouses don't have happy marriages, and a lot of times, they end up losing their spouse to someone else who will REALLY love them. It's just sad, sad, sad.
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Old 01-02-2009, 09:12 AM
 
Location: Maine
7,727 posts, read 12,390,517 times
Reputation: 8344
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
She may be a "lovely" person, but she's also being a very selfish one. She is hurting her husband with her constant rejection of him and her refusal to discuss the situation with her doctor. There IS help for people with her problems but she doesn't want to even try apparently. How much is a man supposed to take? If this had been the deal the day he married her that would be one thing - but she switched things up on him a year after marriage. Women like this don't deserve to keep nice guys like him in my opinion. How awful it must feel to be basically told "I love you, but I don't love you enough to actually work at showing you that love." He must be so lonely!
If indeed that is the case, I'm sorry. After 20 years or so, they're still together though. The time to work out a solution may have been a long time ago. I came upon this thread by accident, I don't normally frequent this area of the forums, I was just searching for a post by a friend to rep and came across this. It's hard to imagine (for myself) letting this situation stand this way for so many years. I wish the best to all.
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Old 01-02-2009, 11:26 AM
 
Location: Franklin, NC
77 posts, read 213,877 times
Reputation: 160
Having completely lost my libido at 56 (I'm 59 now) I would love to find a man to be with who also could care less about sex. It would be nice to find someone who is where I am sexually, so there could be harmony and not disappointment in that area. Do you think that's possible? Surely there must be some men who want a friend more than a sexual partner. Or am I nuts?
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Old 01-02-2009, 11:50 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,217 posts, read 100,772,237 times
Reputation: 40200
Quote:
Originally Posted by Betsy63 View Post
Having completely lost my libido at 56 (I'm 59 now) I would love to find a man to be with who also could care less about sex. It would be nice to find someone who is where I am sexually, so there could be harmony and not disappointment in that area. Do you think that's possible? Surely there must be some men who want a friend more than a sexual partner. Or am I nuts?
Betsy, I have a better idea - why not see your doctor and get that libido up where it's supposed to be?
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