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JeepGirl118, I will echo others in saying that you did the right thing not lending the money. Speaking from some familial experience, a pretty large sum of money was loaned by a variety of family members to some other family members in need a number of years ago. and (you guessed t) things went really badly -- promised made were not kept, etc. It was caused a permanent rupture...very sad.
Cherish those -- and what -- you have and don't let money mess things up.
Best wishes for a peaceful holiday.
Selfishness??? How selfish can someone be to think that another person should be your bank? When you were loosing your business, it wasn't your cousin's fault, and if you couldn't get money from a financial institution, the business should close anyway. Nobody really knows how much money someone else has available to them. My brother always said that the difference between the rich and the poor is that the rich have bigger loans. Your cousin could've turned you down for a lot of personal reasons he didn't want to share.
Now, if family turned you down for a place to sleep or eat if you can't afford it, it's another story, but nobody owes anyone a living.
I know exactly how much money my cousin has. I wouldn't have asked otherwise. You don't know why my business was going under. Or the lkind of relationship I had eith my cousin. And yes if you have it and don't give it, it's selfish. There is no way I would have turned him down if the situation was reversed.
I know exactly how much money my cousin has. I wouldn't have asked otherwise. You don't know why my business was going under. Or the lkind of relationship I had eith my cousin. And yes if you have it and don't give it, it's selfish. There is no way I would have turned him down if the situation was reversed.
I just could not agree with this post less. If someone has money, that in NO WAY obligates them to hand out money to ANYONE for any reason unless they want to. Money ruins relationships as your story shows only too well.
Jeepgirl - it sounds like you have been dealt a really crappy hand when it comes to family - both birth and adopted. I am so sad for you that you have to go through this, but maybe this is the time to give up on family that you can't control, and concentrate on your own family unit with your son. That way you know this cycle will be broken and you and your son will always have a wonderful relationship with each other.
Happy holidays and try not to let it effect you too much.
I know exactly how much money my cousin has. I wouldn't have asked otherwise. You don't know why my business was going under. Or the lkind of relationship I had eith my cousin. And yes if you have it and don't give it, it's selfish. There is no way I would have turned him down if the situation was reversed.
Do you also know exactly how much debt your cousin has? And I agree with the others, no one is obligated to hand over their money to you for any reason. The fact that you have diminished your relationship with your cousin because you feel entitled to share his money says a lot more about you than him.
Do you also know exactly how much debt your cousin has? And I agree with the others, no one is obligated to hand over their money to you for any reason. The fact that you have diminished your relationship with your cousin because you feel entitled to share his money says a lot more about you than him.
I agree with this completely.
My stepdaughter is a grown woman, married with two children. She and her husband frequently ask us to "loan" them money. We did so a couple of times, but of course, it was never paid back. They have borrowed thousands from other relatives because they couldn't pay their bills, and instead of paying them back, they go out and buy ATVs and go-karts, and other non-essential things.
We no longer lend them money. They apparently no longer speak to us.
They, and some other family members, are under the mistaken impression that we have a lot of money. We just built our first home a couple of years ago, after scrimping and saving for five years to do so. Yes, we built a nice home, and furnished it with some nice things, but we worked hard and saved our money to do so. We don't blow a lot of money on dining out, taking trips, etc. We live a pretty simple life. We have some savings and a 401(k) (who knows how much the latter will be worth in a few years). but we're not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination.
In fact, we need to save every penny we can, because we know that we can't (and won't) rely on the kids to be of any help in our old age. (We're currently in our mid-40s.)
Earlier this year, my husband quit his day job and took his side business full-time. Unfortunately, some people believe that if you have your own business, you must be rolling in dough. In fact, the opposite is true. We have to pay ALL of the taxes (both the employee and employer portions), as well as our own insurance, and any overhead involved. There's also no guaranteed salary coming; if he doesn't work, he doesn't get paid. However, the kids look at us as Mr. & Mrs. Moneybags, when nothing can be further from the truth.
Even if we were rolling in dough, we wouldn't be handing it out anymore - simply because of their sense of entitlement. It's galling. We work hard for our money, and we are under no obligation to give it to anyone - especially to people who have repeatedly demonstrated a complete refusal to even attempt to manage their money in a responsible manner.
Sorry Jeepgirl. I would feel exactly the same way you do about this...how incredibly ballsy of them to ask this of you. I hope things calm down...and that you guys figure out a way to reconnect. Have a very Merry Christmas!
One thing I would note is that perhaps you got hit up for money and some of the others in the family don't know about it and that person has lied about you to them? Just find out if the rude person that asked you for money is the black sheep or just one of the flock. Maybe the rest aren't like that...but definitely just play it cool and go from there.
My dad's cousin borrowed money from anyone in the family that would float him some cash....complete scumbag. The rest of the family are REALLY good people. <shrug>
First, Merry Christmas to everyone! My favorite time of year and I am very excited about it!
Update on my biological family that was planning to come down here tomorrow for Christmas. This past weekend, I was asked for money to help one of them out of a bad situation, I had to say no, just based on the fact that I have yet to meet them in person. The situation and lack of funds on their end canceled Christmas on Sunday, unfortunately after I had everything all set and ready.
I have been given the cold shoulder since I declined to loan money.
This is beyond an extreme turn-off to me. After being given the cold shoulder, my desire to meet them has been sucked down to ground zero. It's told me a lot about them.
Thing is that I can't wrap my mind around. . . why do people get mad at a person that will not loan them money? Is their cold shoulder routine a manipulation tactic? In their minds, am I supposed to bow down and grovel for their attentions by "re-thinking?" Sorry, I won't. My head is on straight. What nerve. WTH is wrong with people? What motivates the silent treatment? Has this ever happened to you?
I may not be back on much in the next couple of days with the holiday, my son and I have a lot planned, but I will get back on to check responses as much as I am able to.
I know exactly how much money my cousin has. I wouldn't have asked otherwise. You don't know why my business was going under. Or the lkind of relationship I had eith my cousin. And yes if you have it and don't give it, it's selfish. There is no way I would have turned him down if the situation was reversed.
if you cry about not being lent money you are the one who is selfish
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I would feel exactly the same way you do about this...how incredibly ballsy of them to ask this of you. I hope things calm down...and that you guys figure out a way to reconnect. Have a very Merry Christmas!
