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Selfishness??? How selfish can someone be to think that another person should be your bank? When you were loosing your business, it wasn't your cousin's fault, and if you couldn't get money from a financial institution, the business should close anyway. Nobody really knows how much money someone else has available to them. My brother always said that the difference between the rich and the poor is that the rich have bigger loans. Your cousin could've turned you down for a lot of personal reasons he didn't want to share.
Now, if family turned you down for a place to sleep or eat if you can't afford it, it's another story, but nobody owes anyone a living.
I so agree with you Rick. I would neither ask nor expect anyone to lend me money (except maybe my parents if I was desperate, as I know they would only do it if they could, and they know 100% that I would pay them back) espcialy for a business that might be on its way to going under. It is very true that some people perceive others to have money when maybe they actually have lots of debt. Many of the people I know that live a much more lavish lifestyle than I have way more debt than me. I choose to live relatively simply and do not try to impress anyone with new cars etc. but I have the peace of mind that I won't have creditors calling etc. and have some money to do the things I want.
One thing I do notice about friends that have a LOT of debt is that they often buy anything and everything they want, and spend lots of money, when I hold off, so to go and lend them money wouldn't really be fair to me or them. We learn from our mistakes and that's what life is all about. Taking responsibility for our actions builds much better character than getting bailed out.
Jeep, consider yourself fortunate. It is apparent that what you witnessed via the phone was not a first-time incident. The fact that you were not with them shortly after birth says many things, among them, they could not afford to keep you, or they were unfit, or both.
To add salt to the wound, this person rejected you again, even after 30+ years, and during the most caring time of the year, Christmas. What a present, huh? What type of a person would do that? Think of that along with the audacity to ask for money from a stranger as if it was no big deal.
It appears she has a violent life, I'm old enough to know that this behavior starts at a young age, so what you witnessed is merely a page of her book of her life. You don't need this parasitic lifestyle coming into yours and your son's.
You sound like a strong woman with her head on straight, these revelations may suck, but it appears you have the right attitude, and are handling this reasonably, and logically.
It also is helpful to know what other think, so this forum is also a good thing to bounce things from. Good luck.
PS. To the poster who has no problem sharing their wealth just because they have it, why not pay my taxes for 2008 as a gift? I would appreciate it, seriously!
Fabulous post, if I knew how tio give reps I would !
Jeepgirl,
You sound SO together and nothing like you might have turned out had you been in raised with these messed up individuals. I don't know any of your story besides what's in this post but I can tell that you really have a strong sense of self. I am sorry for your disappointment but can feel that you will be OK without them.
As one of the other posters metioned earlier, if they didn't have the money to come down, and had any class at all, they wouldn't have told you at the last minute that they couldn't make it, they would have gracefully declined and agreed to work toward a meeting in the future that they could save up for. Maybe they could cut out their tanning expense to save some money. For all you know they could be drug users, alcoholics or have some other kind of addiction (drama seems to be one of them). In my life I have found that the people who have the gall to ask someone who isn't extremely close to them, for money, have been addicted to something, and havn't managed their own money very well.
Merry Christmas to you and you son!
PS I once had someone I hardly knew (but happened to work with) ask me to lend her $10,000, and said she would pay me back $15,000 or something...I didn't obviously, and found out later that she had a gambling and coke problem.
Jeepgirl,
You sound SO together and nothing like you might have turned out had you been in raised with these messed up individuals. I don't know any of your story besides what's in this post but I can tell that you really have a strong sense of self. I am sorry for your disappointment but can feel that you will be OK without them.
As one of the other posters metioned earlier, if they didn't have the money to come down, and had any class at all, they wouldn't have told you at the last minute that they couldn't make it, they would have gracefully declined and agreed to work toward a meeting in the future that they could save up for. Maybe they could cut out their tanning expense to save some money. For all you know they could be drug users, alcoholics or have some other kind of addiction (drama seems to be one of them). In my life I have found that the people who have the gall to ask someone who isn't extremely close to them, for money, have been addicted to something, and havn't managed their own money very well.
Merry Christmas to you and you son!
PS I once had someone I hardly knew (but happened to work with) ask me to lend her $10,000, and said she would pay me back $15,000 or something...I didn't obviously, and found out later that she had a gambling and coke problem.
We had a gal like this at one of the law firms I worked for. She ended up embezzling $500,000+ from the firm that she had gambled away and purchased drugs with. All this on top of her salary!!!
We had a gal like this at one of the law firms I worked for. She ended up embezzling $500,000+ from the firm that she had gambled away and purchased drugs with. All this on top of her salary!!!
And she probably ended up with a little slap on the wrist and a fine, instead of being made to pay it back.
I never he was obligated, but since I'm the type of person who shares I have a major peoblem with people who don't.
Also, I have actually met and grew up with my cousin. If I had never laid eyes on him it would have never come up.
Just because YOU are the type of person who shares doesn't mean everyone is or should be....do you really believe everyone should be like you or you have a "major problem" with them? Ummm....really?
So. At 11:30PM last night, in the middle of playing the Game of Life with my son, I get a text with them accusing me of "ignoring them and Merry Christmas and they will leave me alone and not bother me anymore." - readers digest version.
I really do not like texting, so I call (which goes to VM), and leave a VM saying Merry Christmas, was the ignored not the ignorer.
I receive a text from one of them. . . (no, they could not be grown up enough to answer their phone) - "I lived without you for 33 years and I can go another 33." - And I responded back, "Wish you were that confident on Sunday."
No response back (just as I hoped).
Burning bridges with me is what they wanted for Christmas, I suppose. Because that did just that. I will not further be pulled into or play into their drama. I'm done.
Jeep, I'm so very sorry.
I've been wondering how things were going, was going to bump your other post up when someone else did.
I don't know, you know I am not surprised at what happened but I am surprised at how fast. I figured they'd be nice for a year, the bam.
I give you credit for calling back.
I agree with those that said lending them money would be like giving it to a stranger. Just because it's thought you share DNA, well even then, money is the root of all evil in families. I don't remember, were you sure these were your bio family? You didn't have a DNA test did you? and FWIW, I wouldn't lend family that much money unless I had something in writing about it getting paid back. Then again who has that kind of money especially right now? Where do they come off even asking for it?
I have to say that as much as you dislike your adoptive parents, they did a great job raising you.
I'm sorry.. and Merry Christmas. You have a lot to be thankful for.
Your son sounds like a wonderful kid!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
The cold shoulder isn't punishment for not making the loan. They just don't have the motivation to be nice anymore.
Gonna have to rep you for that. So very true.
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to save some money. For all you know they could be drug users, alcoholics or have some other kind of addiction (drama seems to be one of them). In my life I have found that the people who have the gall to ask someone who isn't extremely close to them, for money, have been addicted to something, and havn't managed their own money very well.
