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I have a profile up on a couple dating websites and yesterday this was the first paragraph in an e-mail I received...
"You have a fascinating profile. I remember seeing it when I first made the leap to sign up to this service a couple of months ago, but I think the 'never married' part kind of scared me. But I'm getting "braver" as I get closer to independence and a chance to find someone more compatible."
He then went on to write a few more paragraphs that were actually written pretty well. I don't really find the guy all that attractive (and really don't see myself dating someone who isn't divorced yet) but I would have considered at least a date or two to get to know him and maybe form some kind of friendship but the first paragraph really turned me off.
Am I overreacting by being irritated at the "scared me" comment? This is coming from a guy who isn't even divorced yet. He's separated after 18 years of marriage.
What the heck is "scary" about someone who has never been married? Either he thinks there's something "wrong" with me because I've never been married, or he thinks I'm so high maintenance and picky that no man will ever be enough for me. Both are wrong.
What do you think?
There is a school of thought that people aged 40 and up who've never been married are too set in their ways to adapt to living with a partner, they don't know how to give/take/flex, may be too rigid and thus not a good partner.
What the heck is "scary" about someone who has never been married? Either he thinks there's something "wrong" with me because I've never been married, or he thinks I'm so high maintenance and picky that no man will ever be enough for me. Both are wrong.
What do you think?
This is the general thought process in our society. It's inconceivable that a woman worth having would not make it to 40 without getting married or at least being in a long term relationship.
This is the general thought process in our society. It's inconceivable that a woman worth having would not make it to 40 without getting married or at least being in a long term relationship.
Well, I've been in long term relationships, lived with a guy, been engaged, been dumped, been the dumper, pretty much an all-around relationship history. What I don't do though is put all that info in an online profile, so all the person ends up seeing is that oh-so-scary "never married" label.
This is the general thought process in our society. It's inconceivable that a woman worth having would not make it to 40 without getting married or at least being in a long term relationship.
Well, I've been in long term relationships, lived with a guy, been engaged, been dumped, been the dumper, pretty much an all-around relationship history. What I don't do though is put all that info in an online profile, so all the person ends up seeing is that oh-so-scary "never married" label.
I'd be more than happy if I were them! Do they prefer a bunch of kids and/or psycho exes in tow?!
What you wrote scared him; what he wrote scared you. I think you both get scared too easily. Maybe you'd be just right for each other.
Seriously, I've had women tell me they'd not be interested in a guy over 40 who's never been married, because he's too used to living alone and set in his ways. It made some sense to me.
I almost married a 40-year-old never-married gal once. She was a sweetie and we got along great. She was too good for me.
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about someone who has never been married? Either he thinks there's something "wrong" with me because I've never been married, or he thinks I'm so high maintenance and picky that no man will ever be enough for me. Both are wrong. 
It made some sense to me.
