Scary Frightening topic! The unmarried 40 year old

[nichirenx]

Originally Posted by shania

I, too, am worried that being 47 and never married is a "dealbreaker" for guys my age. I was in a LTR for about 10 years right out of high school, practically, but not quite, living with the guy who left me for his best friend from Jr. High when I was 27. I was pretty devastated by this and didn't want to date for a couple years. In the meantime, I went back to school to get my degree, got a new job that required 14 hour days, and took care of both my parents through terminal illnesses in my thirties and early forties. I was so focused on family responsibilities (lost my mom when I was 41 and my dad when I was 45) as well as work responsibilities that I just had no energy to really date. Hung out with some guys as friends but that was it. During that time, I also gained weight, which I lost about two years ago, trying to get my life back on track. I then was in a long distance relationship for one year but it didn't work out, and now I'm trying online dating for the first time.

But while I get a lot of guys looking at my profile, very few are contacting me. I had 128 views yesterday, but no takers. I've had male and female friends look at my pics and profile and they think "they're great", so I'm wondering if it's my unmarried status that causes alarm. Even had a friend offer to go to Vegas with me, marry me one day and divorce me the next, just so I could honestly say I'm "divorced." I don't plan on doing something that crazy, but not sure how I can communicate that there's nothing wrong with me; in fact, I really have less baggage to bring to a relationship than someone who's been divorced one or more times.

The other reason I think the "never been married" info might be scaring guys away is because the first question guys ask me on a date is "How come you've never been married?" and they say this like they just can't believe it. One guy told me, "What'd you do? Turn everybody down?" ...like I was so picky I wouldn't settle for anyone. The truth is I was in love twice and it just didn't work out. Can I just say that and is that enough of an acceptable answer when a guy asks? Should I address it in my profile and try to explain the reason? Should I lie on my profile and say "divorced" on my status and then just tell the truth right away when a guy emails or takes me out? Or do I just give up? It's very discouraging.

Interesting.
Even though I am not really looking a looked through some profiles.
And i have seen some really interesting ladies 40 and older.
One who was 52 caught my eye.
But alas my age was far below her preference and I do understand it.

A couple of the few people I call true friends are women in their late 40's to early 60's. And they are more fun to socialize with than women I know who are in their 20's and 30's.

[nichirenx]

Originally Posted by Karmakin

This may sound wrong and insulting towards men, but it is how I see it.

I understand a female not getting married. Women find their happiness in children and friends. Women are finally getting to a point where they don't depend on men for financial reasons. We also don't need them to have children, as we have adoption and artificial insemination. Not saying that men are not capable of making them happy, but I think that women can get along better emotionally without a man, than a man getting along better emotionally without a female.

Men find their happiness in sex, ownership, and "power." They take extreme pride in getting paid and having an attractive spouse. They usually need someone to take care of them as well, as a lot of men can't seem to take care of themselves until a female comes along.

I am not saying that all men and women fall into these categories perfectly.

I find a single man in his 40's to be strange. Maybe it's wrong, but it holds true for me. I have more understanding for a female being single in her 40's because as I stated before, men are not what women hold closest to their hearts, it's children and friends. Whereas men hold women closest.

I would have been asexual if the neighborhood guys I grew up with were not all about macho.
If you were not chasing the girls you were a 'sissy'. We really did not know what gay was at that time living in an urban ghetto, but some guys did act like girls normally acted then.

So I went in for the peer pressure and from then through college tried to get every woman I found attractive who was to my knowledge not married or engaged.

After that I realized that I found women attractive more so like a very expensive home. Nice to look at but takes a lot of work to maintain.
If I do not die before I reach 40 I'll be unmarried too.

Since my first marriage was annulled after eight months, I really do not count that.

[Umbria]

Originally Posted by moonshadow

Oh!

It's become apparent I need to marry asap!!!

I had no idea I was so neurotic, so ugly, such a loser!

I can't thank you paragons of manhood for pointing it out to me!

Thanks very much!

I'd better get out there and find me a husband pronto before I am destined to live my life in mediocrity for all eternity! I wonder if that bloke that asked me way back, the one that turned out to be a world travelled, high flying alcoholic is still interested? He'd do! Wouldn't he? I mean we could be married, so I'd have cred and be socially acceptable and he'd be hammered most of the time so I wouldn't see much of him anyway.

We can't have people running around thinking less of me for being unwed at 40. I can't cope with that kind of rejection.

This is still the best post I've read yet!!