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OK, Rance and Countryluvinwoman1, your entitled to your own opinion but, I am not trying to dump a friend what so ever, as a matter of fact she means a lot to me. Yes, I admit that it may have been a mistake that we slept together, but I never expected it and it just happened. Plus, I have considered getting to know her kids and yes I know that kids are very cool. Some of my closest friends,men and women, have kids and I get along with them very well. This is why I want to weigh my options in this situation, Because I don't want to loose a friend but at the same time, I don't know what kind of effect it would have on her kids if the relationship didn't work out. That is why I want to see what others whom may have been in this situation would have to say, in order to make a wise and informed decision not just for myself. So I don't feel that I am of bad character for that matter, since I am not being selfish and thinking of only my self, if you have any advice as to what I should do with this being said, I would greatly appreciate it.
Countryluvingwoman1, this is not helping what so ever, now your just being extremely argumentative. If you had actually paid attention to what I had stated earlier, that I really like her alot. But in order to answer your question, when two people like each other they may or may not choose to have sex. But this is completely off topic, I am here for advice and not here to argue. So if you have any advice the please, do share I would be glad to hear it.
Focus on her not her kids. And by all means let her kow how you feel and whats on your mind. She will have her hands full with the kids and you'd have to expect and deal with that. She may not be able to drop what she's doing and run off to a party or go bar hopping at a moments notice. Might be times you'll have to consider the kids when you go do things. And you don't have to instantly shove yourself into the kids lives. Take it slow and see where it goes. You can still be friends and have great times together. Plenty of things to do out there that can include kids. And there will be times when you two can get away for alone time without the kids. It's all up to you my man.
If she freaks out because you only want to be friends you may very well want to cool things off. Only you know who she is and how she is. Trust your heart and make your decision. But talk it over with her. Don't just leave her hanging wondering whats on your mind. And thanks for not being some shallow guy just looking to get laid. Those types just give the rest of us a bad name.
Dude, here's my two cents.
How do you feel about this girl? Then go with your feeling. If you so happen to decide to get involved with her then have in mind the kid's father will be in the picture and that's something you will have to deal. You won't be the kids' dad but they will look up to you and possibly call you dad. If you think you're ready to deal with this and other things that go on then my best wishes go to you.
My "red flag" reservation is that after sleeping with you just once, the lady expressed her desire to have a "relationship" with you which seems very premature to me. You may well have known each other for years but obviously not that well at all as you had no idea she had two children. I would just be VERY leery of someone who wanted me to make a commitment after one bedding. Cheers!
OK I am in a pickel, as some may say. I need some relationship advice on weather or not to pursue a relationship with a single mother. Basically, I've known this girl for a very long time now. We originally started out as friends back in high school. After high school we lost contact for about 4 years. Anyways, after we re-established contact, we started hanging out, going out to bars, movies and out to lunch. During this time I was starting to really like her more than just a friend. Needless to say, we ended up sleeping together. It wasn't till after, I found out that she was the mother of two boys. Then she said that she wants a relationship. Honestly, I really don't know what to think? I simply told her that I needed some time to think about this. So I have, and I just don't know what to do, I mean she's attractive, I get along with her so well and I absolutely love her personality, but I'm just very confused because I've never dated anyone with kids and I've heard so much conflicting advice regarding this. I feel torn and very inexperienced in this department. I've been hurt many times before and I just don't want to get hurt again, nor do I want to hurt her. I just don't know what to do. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
I personally think she should have told you sooner about her 2 kids. She does not tell you until after you have been dating awhile and sleep together...this seems a little odd to me.
If you do not want to have kids in your life right now breaking up with her is the right decision.
If you feel that you cannot accept the kids as part of relationship and all of the responsibilities that are entailed then you should tell her that you're not ready. There's nothing wrong with telling someone that you're not ready because of a particular reason especially if she has kids. I think it was wrong that she didn't tell you that she had kids from day one.
Also be aware that all of the activities that you do now will probably be dominated by the kids. The relationship that you now have with her will be different when the kids are around. It's like being instantly married.
As a mom, and divorced,
Yes she should have told you about the kids.
And if she is a good mom to her kids she will not push them onto you nor will she push you onto them.
It has to be a slow coming together.
That is where the trial and error comes in.
There has to be some easing into the relationship if there are children involved.
I would never not tell someone I was "into" about my kids.
I would also tell my kids about the new person in my life (but my children are older, so that depends on age).
I think you broke it off in time though. Not leading her on after the sex and finding out about the kids. Maybe there is a chance to save the friendship if you decide not to continue the romantic portion.
My "red flag" reservation is that after sleeping with you just once, the lady expressed her desire to have a "relationship" with you which seems very premature to me. You may well have known each other for years but obviously not that well at all as you had no idea she had two children. I would just be VERY leery of someone who wanted me to make a commitment after one bedding. Cheers!
Having a relationship does not mean marriage. I'm pretty sure she more meant the two of them seeing each other and noone else. Maybe she did like him a lot and the "accidental sex" made her mention it. Maybe she doesnt want to be having sex with someone who is having sex with 3 other people.
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