Girlfriend cannot leave her husband (guys, therapy, cheated, call)
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I was saying I understand if he doesn't leave the girlfriend.
Twinkle Toes, Life is never as clean as we want it to be. I realized I married the wrong woman after our second child was born. I have a unique situation where I know I can't get custody. However my wife is lacking in motherhood skills. I have to be the responsible father. I swore I would never BE my father. I found myself unconsciously searching for female interaction. (not just sex) The thing is men and women both need the daily communication and sharing of ideas to be healthy mentally. By the time I figured out my thoughts, I was almost 18 months into a friendship with a woman I was highly attracted to. We are not all dealt the same hand in life. Your personal morality may be shared or close to many others, but respect the fact that someone else may handle a problem differently than you do. I never intended to be a cheater. I found myself missing something. With my priorities this was the path I chose. As it stands today I am working on ending the affair, and attending couples enrichment classes with my wife.
Regardless of custody issues and whatnot, there is still no good reason or justification for starting a relationship with another person while you are in a married relationship with someone else. That's just an excuse, and you know it. I'm not some prude or SNL church lady, but wrong is wrong. If you are working on resolving issues with your wife and ending an adulterous relationship - more power to you. I hope it works out for you. But if it doesn't work out between you and your wife, have the decency to let her go FIRST before starting anything with another person. How would you feel if your wife were the one cheating on you behind your back? Even if you don't love her, I'm sure you would be hurt. Why would you do that to another human being?
That's just it you said don't start a new relationship. I was attending night classes to finish my degree. The woman in question was in my group(and in the same path) we spent a ton of time together legit time. I did not set out to get there. I am not saying I did the right thing. What I am saying is When you find yourself waking up in the morning and your not grouchy, or you can't wait to get to night school after working all day, you realize something has been missing in your life. So then you find out she( the other woman) feels the same way. I am human is all I am saying. I made a really bad choice because I was happier than I had been in a long time. If nothing else I would hope you can see how this happens. I am not asking you to say it is good or even to justify it. There are alot of things that we know but don't like.
Boneheaded, I understand. Really. You can look, and maybe even feel some happiness being around another person. But the thing is - you don't act on anything inappropriate while you are married. It's just, well, inappropriate! I'm not bashing you. I just don't beieve there is ever a reason to do this. Any "reason" a person can come up with for an affair is really just an excuse.
I don't take it as bashing. Yes you are right no one including me can say I did it for good reasons.
I have recently started reading all kinds of forums on relationships in an effort to fix me. I took 4 different psych classes even though 2 were not on my degree plan but the thing is everyone seems to slant morality to their independent beliefs. I am including the profs and the text writers. There are times we make decisions and look back and say "man that was dumb". I chose the Boneheaded moniker because of this very problem. My other woman and I both discussed the inevitable problems we were signing up for and kept going anyway. Neither one of us wanted to go back to being sad and feeling alone.
Just a tad of background...
Her hubby is extremely rude and treats her like property. We were both in a marriage that was completely void of sex. Add all of our independent baggage to the time we had together coupled with a great amount of shared physical attraction, and tada.
Just to be fair and add an example of the problems. I now have to find a way to end it with the GF in way that doesn't put my kids in the line of drama. I hope she doesn't go ballistic or fatal attraction on me.
I don't take it as bashing. Yes you are right no one including me can say I did it for good reasons.
I have recently started reading all kinds of forums on relationships in an effort to fix me. I took 4 different psych classes even though 2 were not on my degree plan but the thing is everyone seems to slant morality to their independent beliefs. I am including the profs and the text writers. There are times we make decisions and look back and say "man that was dumb". I chose the Boneheaded moniker because of this very problem. My other woman and I both discussed the inevitable problems we were signing up for and kept going anyway. Neither one of us wanted to go back to being sad and feeling alone.
Just a tad of background...
Her hubby is extremely rude and treats her like property. We were both in a marriage that was completely void of sex. Add all of our independent baggage to the time we had together coupled with a great amount of shared physical attraction, and tada.
Just to be fair and add an example of the problems. I now have to find a way to end it with the GF in way that doesn't put my kids in the line of drama. I hope she doesn't go ballistic or fatal attraction on me.
Bonehead, justifying your actions isn't going to convince most of us on here (at least from what I can tell about the other posters from what they've said) that it was OK. It NEVER is.
I get that life is never as "clean as we want it to be." The problem is...there are certain lines that you can NEVER cross. You have the personal choice to make your life as clean as you want if you just use something called self-control. I would never come on here and advocate people living a "perfectly clean" life and I haven't myself but, at the same time, adultery is a line that I simply will never cross and I will never approve of others crossing it regardless of whatever the circumstances may be.
If you love someone and cannot be together and you are soul mates,just be seperated and love each other? If you do marry,you will still have her husband in the picture because of the chidren.
To love someone does not mean you have to be together and go through a divorce.
Village you are so right. I have said countless times that I have no future with the other woman. I would always be paranoid she would repeat our mistake. It honestly is a toxic situation. The brief happiness filled a void long enough for me to see how messed up I had allowed my life to get. Oh and I don't have any illusions of being soul mates. You can come to love someone deeply over time. You can also have a raw attraction that makes sex amazing. You can be compatible with roughly 5% of the population. IMHO
This thread is about as classic as all the Michigan threads about the economy and racism.
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