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The OP just needs to talk to her man. If he's sensible enough he'll give it up or at least put out a facade of giving it up and spending some porn time away from his wife. This is what many guys do, they just make sure wife does not find out about the porno activities. This could be a better strategy as it can at least give her the illusion that it's not happening.
Besides, the OP is not wrong at all. Women differ in character. A fair share of them are feminist in nature, have a lot of pride, ego and self-esteem. In their opinion, porn is degrading, it just hurts their ego. And this is not misplaced thinking at all. This is perfectly normal.
My only problem with the internet is that it's opened the floodgates of porn and is absolutely uncontrollable. And it keeps getting worse. A normal walk to the adult store was dangerous, potentially shameful and the very act can exude a sense of triumph and satisfaction too, and it also places absolute control because the act is not repetitive often.
I've never heard of adult store addiction. It even used to be a healthy habit or a mental release for some guys.
But internet porn is like a mental disease, there are times when guys go on and on and on, like jumping into an ocean. It will even choke a horse
A lot of women try to control the sexual aspect of the marriage. It's their way or the highway.
You're right, it's about their ego. But esteem, I don't know.
I think some want to feel the marriage is equal by controlling the sexual margins of the marriage.
I wonder how many women agree to things, but once married, it's forbidden.
this is the second time I've caught him, I don't know what to do, i want to do the right thing, should i work with him, I'm hurt and upset, we are married with one kid and one on the way. should i leave him but what would i do?
This is what many guys do, they just make sure wife does not find out about the porno activities. This could be a better strategy as it can at least give her the illusion that it's not happening.
Or do what men have done in the past, follow her rule, and get the extra-circular "step further" exciting sex from the single woman from work, or the woman 2 doors down instead of keeping partial control of your fantasies.
Seems to work great for most presidents, Ben Franklin, Shakespeare, etc..
*shrug*
Maybe husband's can adopt the same philosophy. Ban your wife from ever watching a romantic comedy, or romance novels as it demeans us as men, because god knows if you can't look like Richard Gere, act like Tom Hanks, or always be exceptionally smooth like portrayed in the movies or books that we must not be what they're actually after.
Oh, and perfectly groomed hair in every frame...forgot that one.
OP are you mad because your husband is objectyfing women? Are you mad because he looks at other women naked, instead of only you? Are you mad because he is looking at gay porn? Are you mad because he is spending money on porn instead of going to a free website like redtube, like everybody else? Are you mad because he said he wasn't going to look at porn anymore and he did? Are you mad because he is paying some real people to do whatever he wants on cam? Are you mad because he is neglecting you sexually because he is spent from being at these sites? Are you worried these porn sites are harming his pure soul? Are you religious and don't want him going to hell? Are you worried he will go blind or get hairy palms? Are you offended he didn't include you in the activities? Are you jealous of these women parading naked in front of him and worried he might leave you because you don't look like them? Are you worried he is thinking of them while making love to you? Are you worried he is perverting himself?
Talk to me. What is the problem that you are having exactly?
Ivory, my poor deluded woman, has it ever crossed your mind that it's not the girl in the porn that we want, but rather our woman doing what the girl in the porn is doing? You should watch it with your guy and ask him if there's anything in the (movie) he'd like to try.
I've watched porn with my partners and had very good results; we tell each other what we like in the porn or what we don't like. We both win.
Incidentally, when I watch porn I don't compare my wife's looks to the actresses, only her actions. If we were comparing looks, my wife would do pretty well. Me compared to the male porn stars? Let's not go there.
The hottest porn I've ever watched starred my wife. If you're afraid of being compared, BE the star.
If that's the case, what do you need porn for? Just tell her what you want.
Unless you're using porn to elevate things, in which case, you're demonstrating one of the issues with porn. You're always looking for something more. Never satisfied with what you have and your partner is called upon to perform at ever increaseing levels. Personally, I don't want to think of every roll in the hay as a performance where I have to best my last performance.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 05-17-2009 at 04:53 AM..
Personally, I don't want to think of every roll in the hay as a performance where I have to best my last performance.
While I've essentially stated my views on the matter, I will say that taken in it's literal context, if your viewing every roll in the hay as a performance, then I dunno...
How come I am a woman, and I get this?
I don't see looking at porn as cheating.
I second that. If you have a healthy sexual appetite, confidence in yourself and great chemistry with your SO, porn is nothing but visual enhancement. Talking dirty is verbal. Toys, oils and books on Tantra are physical. In moderation, it should be okay. It doesn't mean you aren't sexy enough or lame in bed.
However, if you don't feel sexy enough or you're actually lame in bed, work on it. Why should your partner go without or suppress their urges to accomodate insecurities and hang-ups? You won't work with him and you don't want himm having any release of his own. They will find a way; I can guarantee you that.
I don't get why some of you insist on turning sex into something dirty or shameful.
Last edited by PassTheChocolate; 05-17-2009 at 05:45 AM..
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