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Beeing born within a marriage & the introduction of step dad/ other men in your mother's life means the marriage was void & didnt last...
Also, how happy was this marriage if your mother was bedding your step father? WOW?!
WTF are you talking about? My mother got married and then had three children with a man that she later on divorced. What's so sketchy about that? There was no cheating involved. My mother was already divorced when she met and married my stepdad. And my stepdad and his family treated us just like we were his own children. His parents later on set up educational trust funds for our college expenses. My sisters and I were treated just as well as our step-cousins.
Anyway, another aspect to the original topic is... how would my children benefit by knowing their bastard half-sibling? And the answer is no. There would be no benefits for them to see proof of their father's infidelity, let alone have to associate with the child.
It's a whole different ball game if my husband and I were to divorce, then he remarries and then has kids with his second WIFE.
WTF are you talking about? My mother got married and then had three children with a man that she later on divorced. What's so sketchy about that? There was no cheating involved. My mother was already divorced when she met and married my stepdad. And my stepdad and his family treated us just like we were his own children. His parents later on set up educational trust funds for our college expenses. My sisters and I were treated just as well as our step-cousins.
Anyway, another aspect to the original topic is... how would my children benefit by knowing their bastard half-sibling? And the answer is no. There would be no benefits for them to see proof of their father's infidelity, let alone have to associate with the child.
It's a whole different ball game if my husband and I were to divorce, then he remarries and then has kids with his second WIFE.
It's definitely a different ball game if parents have divorced and moved on. While I don't think having children in a second marriage is good for the children of your first marriage, the children are already sharing time wiht both parents when the new spouse has a child of their own. There's really no way to separate the families.
BTW, my ss's have a half brother they have never met. Neither of them cares to meet him either. Their mom moved on and never looked back. She remarried and had another child. Since she had no contact with our boys, they had no contact with their half sibling. I can't see where anyone is worse for the wear because of it. They don't even seem to be curious about him nor he about them. Really, he's not family to our boys. He's family to the one child dh's ex took with her when she left not the two boys she left behind.
Also, our backgrounds are similar. My parents divorced when I was a baby and both remarried. Mom had 4 more children with my step father.
He cheats, has an outside baby, and you decided to forgive him (for better or worse, remember)..
Do you have an issue with your children and this new baby getting to know one another?
First, I am really surprised at how many closed minds there are here. I thought everyone was on board with the notion that not all people are the same, not all emotions are the same and not all minds think alike.
Not knowing why the husband strayed in the first place would give me reason to wonder what brought it all on. Did his wife reject his sexual needs? Was he suffering from an illness and lose control that one time? Did the other woman seduce him with the hopes of stealing him away permanently? Did she put something in his coffee? Did the other woman just want to have a baby but not a husband?
Maybe my frame of mind is all wrong, but I would need more specifics before I could answer such a question. But, if this is all there is, I have to say that marriage is far more than a living arrangement, it is a life-long commitment to another person - for better or for worse - to face all problems and obstacles together, as a team, no matter what. I see no difference between this other woman's child and the children of a previous marriage. You don't have to accept the woman into your home as a friend, but the child is not guilty of any wrong-doing and should certainly be nurtured by a father as much as practical.
Not everyone is interested in knowing all their family members. My boyfriend's mother is adopted. A few years ago, his older sister tracked down their mom's birth mother. A few emails were exchanged between his sister and her natural grandmother. Nothing more happened. No real life meeting and the emails ceased. And my boyfriend's mom had no interest in getting involved in the communications exchange. Meanwhile, she is totally devoted to the woman that raised her.
Anyway, I think that many romanticize our blood connections too much...
WTF are you talking about? My mother got married and then had three children with a man that she later on divorced. What's so sketchy about that? There was no cheating involved. My mother was already divorced when she met and married my stepdad. And my stepdad and his family treated us just like we were his own children. His parents later on set up educational trust funds for our college expenses. My sisters and I were treated just as well as our step-cousins.
Anyway, another aspect to the original topic is... how would my children benefit by knowing their bastard half-sibling? And the answer is no. There would be no benefits for them to see proof of their father's infidelity, let alone have to associate with the child.
It's a whole different ball game if my husband and I were to divorce, then he remarries and then has kids with his second WIFE.
They benefit because they have a larger family. You are extremely selfish to deny children each other. You say those children will have a negative effect on your children, so will the children they go to school with. It should be your children's choice whether they have a relationship with their siblings or not. You and Ivory are the kind of women who would threaten to disown a child if they dare follow their own heart and not live their lives exactly as YOU dictate, to h*ll with their feelings and happiness. You are also the women whose children move far away and never call.
First, I am really surprised at how many closed minds there are here. I thought everyone was on board with the notion that not all people are the same, not all emotions are the same and not all minds think alike.
Not knowing why the husband strayed in the first place would give me reason to wonder what brought it all on. Did his wife reject his sexual needs? Was he suffering from an illness and lose control that one time? Did the other woman seduce him with the hopes of stealing him away permanently? Did she put something in his coffee? Did the other woman just want to have a baby but not a husband?
Maybe my frame of mind is all wrong, but I would need more specifics before I could answer such a question. But, if this is all there is, I have to say that marriage is far more than a living arrangement, it is a life-long commitment to another person - for better or for worse - to face all problems and obstacles together, as a team, no matter what. I see no difference between this other woman's child and the children of a previous marriage. You don't have to accept the woman into your home as a friend, but the child is not guilty of any wrong-doing and should certainly be nurtured by a father as much as practical.
True, but all of that is beyond the understanding of a child, let alone an adult with strong emotional ties to the parent that was cheated on.
And yes, let the husband see the bastard child as often as he wants to, but just not with my children present. No group ballgame visits with all the kids together like some weird unofficial polygamous family unit. And I see this situation as promoting a polygamous lifestyle.
Not everyone is interested in knowing all their family members. My boyfriend's mother is adopted. A few years ago, his older sister tracked down their mom's birth mother. A few emails were exchanged between his sister and her natural grandmother. Nothing more happened. No real life meeting and the emails ceased. And my boyfriend's mom had no interest in getting involved in the communications exchange. Meanwhile, she is totally devoted to the woman that raised her.
Anyway, I think that many romanticize our blood connections too much...
My step sons have no desire to meet their half brother nor he them. Some people consider their family complete without inviting in brothers from another mother. Or in this case, brothers from another father.
It's not blood that matters, as anyone who has adopted can tell you. It's relationships that matter. My brothers and sisters are not my family because they're blood relations. They're family because we grew up together. I really see no reason to add children by affairs to the mix.
It's definitely a different ball game if parents have divorced and moved on. While I don't think having children in a second marriage is good for the children of your first marriage, the children are already sharing time wiht both parents when the new spouse has a child of their own. There's really no way to separate the families.
BTW, my ss's have a half brother they have never met. Neither of them cares to meet him either. Their mom moved on and never looked back. She remarried and had another child. Since she had no contact with our boys, they had no contact with their half sibling. I can't see where anyone is worse for the wear because of it. They don't even seem to be curious about him nor he about them. Really, he's not family to our boys. He's family to the one child dh's ex took with her when she left not the two boys she left behind.
Also, our backgrounds are similar. My parents divorced when I was a baby and both remarried. Mom had 4 more children with my step father.
There is absolutely no reason except the selfish adult why the children can't know about each other and be in esch other's lives. Of course there are vindictive women who decide that since hubby didn't live up to her perfect standards, his children should have nothing to do with him. So he remarries and has more children. Then the children from the 1st marriage feel abandoned and of course their mothers rub it in. (Great form of control) You see Daddy doesn't love you he has a new family. (She conveniently forgets that she refuses to let him see the children)
You said what hurt you the most was your father having a new family you weren't involved with. It's funny you would inflict the same pain on your children.
They benefit because they have a larger family. You are extremely selfish to deny children each other. You say those children will have a negative effect on your children, so will the children they go to school with. It should be your children's choice whether they have a relationship with their siblings or not. You and Ivory are the kind of women who would threaten to disown a child if they dare follow their own heart and not live their lives exactly as YOU dictate, to h*ll with their feelings and happiness. You are also the women whose children move far away and never call.
They don't need each other and they don't need the emotional baggage that comes with this mess. Are they really going to benefit by knowing dad had an affair? Do you think the children born in the marriage will say, well, gee, dad may have destroyed our family creating you but hey, that's just great, welcome to the family?
What's best for the kids is not to know dad had an affair/another family when he created you. Let them have some respect for their father.
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My step sons have no desire to meet their half brother nor he them. Some people consider their family complete without inviting in brothers from another mother. Or in this case, brothers from another father. 