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One thing i see here is women saying you dont know how it is to be a women youre not the ones who are effected by the rapists sexual harrasers tec fair point but women also have to see the guys plight...
We have to do all the appraoching we have to take all the rejection and pray we dont get rejected too many times in arow and kill our confidecne or hope the women if she rejects us doesnt do it harshly..Thats allot of pressure for any guy especially for a shy person like me whos not great at initiating a conversation..
Both sides have negatives and positives..Women have negatives but the positive is women can screen men and decide who is a jerk or not because any halfway decent women is getitng hit on plenty of times when they go out so they can decide by listening to them wheter or not the guys a possible candidate for them...We men dont have that option men hardly ever get hit on unlesss theyre great looking and even then they still have to do the majority of the approaching..
The second part of what you mention I will say, women are documented and proven to be vocal creatures, they have more connections where the spoken language center is, it really shouldn't be that big a shock that if your first impression on a woman is quiet, you probably won't get much of an interest factor.
I wasnt even talking just trying to get women interested in you im talking in general,even my friends women say i should talk more,women in general seme uncomfortable around men who dont constantly talk like soemthing has to be wrong with them
One thing i see here is women saying you dont know how it is to be a women youre not the ones who are effected by the rapists sexual harrasers tec fair point but women also have to see the guys plight...
We have to do all the appraoching we have to take all the rejection and pray we dont get rejected too many times in arow and kill our confidecne or hope the women if she rejects us doesnt do it harshly..Thats allot of pressure for any guy especially for a shy person like me whos not great at initiating a conversation..
Both sides have negatives and positives..Women have negatives but the positive is women can screen men and decide who is a jerk or not because any halfway decent women is getitng hit on plenty of times when they go out so they can decide by listening to them wheter or not the guys a possible candidate for them...We men dont have that option men hardly ever get hit on unlesss theyre great looking and even then they still have to do the majority of the approaching..
I do feel for men who are rejected. It hurts me to do it. But please tell me you're not equating the possible hurt and embarrassment of being turned down, even multiplied 10 times, 50 times, 100 times, to what a rape victim experiences.
Believe it or not, justjulia is right: it sucks rejecting a guy. I hate when a guy I know has no chance expresses interest. I try very hard not to hurt a guy feelings but unfortunately sometimes my niceness is seen as "playing hard to get", then I have to be firm. It sucks.
A friend and I went to a bar and I expressed interest in a guy he went to play wingman and talked to the wrong guy. The guy was so excited when he thought that I was interested in him. THAT is embarrassing.
One thing i see here is women saying you dont know how it is to be a women youre not the ones who are effected by the rapists sexual harrasers tec fair point but women also have to see the guys plight...
We have to do all the appraoching we have to take all the rejection and pray we dont get rejected too many times in arow and kill our confidecne or hope the women if she rejects us doesnt do it harshly..Thats allot of pressure for any guy especially for a shy person like me whos not great at initiating a conversation..
Both sides have negatives and positives..Women have negatives but the positive is women can screen men and decide who is a jerk or not because any halfway decent women is getitng hit on plenty of times when they go out so they can decide by listening to them wheter or not the guys a possible candidate for them...We men dont have that option men hardly ever get hit on unlesss theyre great looking and even then they still have to do the majority of the approaching..
In nature, the majority of courting duties is left up to the males. And if you are too shy to show your courting coloured feathers, then too bad, you don't get to mingle your genes with hers to create the next generation of peacocks. The same goes for other species where the males fight, sometimes to the death, for the privilege of matting with the female in heat. So if you're not up for the task of wooing a female, you're out of luck. You aren't owed a female for just showing up and standing on the sidelines.
If you are shy and uncomfortable around women or people in general, then get out of the dating scene for a while and work on making yourself better and more interesting company to be with. Develop some hobbies, do a sport, go volunteer for a good cause, even go to a library and read some good books. And all those activities make for good conversation material with other people. Once you are happier with who you are, you will find it much easier to interact with others.
BTW you left out that men and women are wired up differently. That initially, most men's plight is how to deal with the boner in their pants, their own personal sexual frustrations. On the other hand, the women (for the most part) are looking for a romance, true love and their Prince Charming and someone worthy of settling down to nest with for the rest of their lives...
As to actual rape and assault statistics, you also left out the prevalence of the predators' use of roofies in order to take advantage of a woman sexually and without her remembering the rape. And because of this, women have to consider turning down offered drinks or an already opened bottles or canned beverages from men for fear of it being spiked with the sedative Rohypnol.
In nature, the majority of courting duties is left up to the males. And if you are too shy to show your courting coloured feathers, then too bad, you don't get to mingle your genes with hers to create the next generation of peacocks. The same goes for other species where the males fight, sometimes to the death, for the privilege of matting with the female in heat. So if you're not up for the task of wooing a female, you're out of luck. You aren't owed a female for just showing up and standing on the sidelines.
If you truly only view human relationships from that perspective I can see why these guys buy books and courses now, fake it, finally make it, then treat the women they make it with as disposable. If there's nothing more behind it then that, I can't see becoming emotional attached to something/someone you view solely as having outdone the other to have sex with.
If you truly only view human relationships from that perspective I can see why these guys buy books and courses now, fake it, finally make it, then treat the women they make it with as disposable. If there's nothing more behind it then that, I can't see becoming emotional attached to something/someone you view solely as having outdone the other to have sex with.
So what makes a person more worthy of being a s/o to anyone? By your thinking, everyone is equal and should be treated so. And from a man's point of view, it's clear that he's going to try to get the best looking woman possible to date him. What does a man care if a woman is an amazing person inside but is ugly or has a weight issue?
As for me, I don't want a shy guy that has no confidence and nothing special about him. That's why my sincere recommendation that he stop trying to date, and instead spend some time working on making himself a better and more confident person by getting some interesting hobbies, reading some good books, doing a sport or volunteering for a charity. From a lot of the threads about men griping about a lack of dates, it seems to me that these men are looking for a pretty girlfriend to complete their life... when the problem is that they are incomplete human beings that most women wouldn't enjoy being in the company of.
And I am not saying that a guy has to be a flashy dresser or a millionaire. But if he's 30 years old, he'd better be more than a counter person at a smoothie shop. Basically, after the age of 25, women just want to know if the prospective s/o has some decent long term life goals. Especially if those women are desiring a marriage and having kids in the future.
If a guy is shy and lacks confidence in himself, a woman is not going to see that he is worthy of her attentions either. So that sort of guy has to find himself first, and to market himself accordingly. Hence the importance of writing a good profile for an online dating site.
So what makes a person more worthy of being a s/o to anyone? By your thinking, everyone is equal and should be treated so. And from a man's point of view, it's clear that he's going to try to get the best looking woman possible to date him. What does a man care if a woman is an amazing person inside but is ugly or has a weight issue?
Quote me anywhere where that is my thinking.
By your previous statement however IF you were to view human relationships completely in what you state, NO relationship has a point. As there is always someone better for both sexes. If you have to fluff, preen and otherwise market yourself to be better in the others perception to be worthy including saying and being exactly what the woman expects/needs it just solidifies a thinking that they should be seen as nothing more than a conquest and an object for a single desire. That to me would set you up as a man (or woman really) to being completely emotionally detached, and bitter.
Which might explain a bunch of the posters on here in my view.
Last edited by Waynec613; 05-27-2009 at 11:11 AM..
By your previous statement however IF you were to view human relationships completely in what you state, NO relationship has a point. As there is always someone better for both sexes. If you have to fluff, preen and otherwise market yourself to be better in the others perception to be worthy including saying and being exactly what the woman expects/needs it just solidifies a thinking that they should be seen as nothing more than a conquest and an object for a single desire. That to me would set you up as a man to being completely emotionally detached, and bitter.
Which might explain a bunch of the posters on here in my view.
So... you resent having to fluff and preen for a mate? Is that what you are saying?
As it is, in modern Western culture, the women are the ones doing the majority of the fluffing and preening. They are the ones spending gobs of money on their makeup, hairstyling, clothing, high heeled sexy shoes and Brazilian waxes or laser hair removals... all to become some ideal woman for a man. And for the most part, the menfolk are not objecting to all this effort on the part of the women. And a woman that successfully fluffs and preens does have a much wider selection of potential mates than a woman that doesn't bother with that nonsense.
And it's perfectly natural that the most eligible man gets the best looking dolled up woman. For all that effort, of course the woman wants the most successful man to be with.
If you don't want to put out the effort to show your best face to others, you will end up with castoffs, you just aren't getting the trophy girlfriend or wife. It's all a matter of how competitive you'd like to be in the dating scene. With the human population being so dense, plus the internet allowing single people to cast their nets in a much wider geographic area, naturally the competition for a quality mate is fiercer.
Slackers finish last, and it's their own fault. Or just accept that you don't want to be part of the competition, and set your sights lower on what you want in a girlfriend or s/o.
In nature, the majority of courting duties is left up to the males. And if you are too shy to show your courting coloured feathers, then too bad, you don't get to mingle your genes with hers to create the next generation of peacocks. The same goes for other species where the males fight, sometimes to the death, for the privilege of matting with the female in heat. So if you're not up for the task of wooing a female, you're out of luck. You aren't owed a female for just showing up and standing on the sidelines.
If you are shy and uncomfortable around women or people in general, then get out of the dating scene for a while and work on making yourself better and more interesting company to be with. Develop some hobbies, do a sport, go volunteer for a good cause, even go to a library and read some good books. And all those activities make for good conversation material with other people. Once you are happier with who you are, you will find it much easier to interact with others.
BTW you left out that men and women are wired up differently. That initially, most men's plight is how to deal with the boner in their pants, their own personal sexual frustrations. On the other hand, the women (for the most part) are looking for a romance, true love and their Prince Charming and someone worthy of settling down to nest with for the rest of their lives...
As to actual rape and assault statistics, you also left out the prevalence of the predators' use of roofies in order to take advantage of a woman sexually and without her remembering the rape. And because of this, women have to consider turning down offered drinks or an already opened bottles or canned beverages from men for fear of it being spiked with the sedative Rohypnol.
But just beause a person is shy doesnt mean theyre a unitneresting human being,im actually pretty funny and chamring once u get to know me but i have a hard time breaking the ice and making the first move when i dont know somebody and have nothign to draw on and bring up about that person from knowing them..
Thast my cross to bear and im not blaming women but i just wish women would pursue men a little more maybe some would find theyre "prince charming" if they pursued and talked to a guy who might be a little too shy to do the initial appraoching rather then wait for prince charming to fall on them as thye have to screen through a thousand obnoxious jerks in the process..
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