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Location: I never said I was perfect so no refunds here sorry!
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Wow, never held a job longer than a few months, probation in several counties and a drug head......just curious is all this new?? Leave and get help please, if for no other reason get your child help..
I am so frustrated. I rushed into marriage 3 years ago with this guy. I knew what I was getting into in a way but I wanted a family so bad my judgment was very clouded. Over the past 3 years he has not kept a job longer than a few months and is always on probation. He has 3 probation in three different counties. And he smokes weed and cigarettes every day and hangs out at a music studio all day. We have moved liked 3 times cause I never make enough money to support us. In march I got laid off of my job and I haven't worked. I can't pay anything or even buy diapers for our son or food for us to eat. Our car is broken down (while his was driving it..out bs'ng around) and has no insurance and i still have to pay the note next week and all the bills. Only by Gods grace have we made it thus far.
I'm so fed up with him, the only thing he does is wash dishes and sweeps, our house is a mess. I never clean because I feel like that is the least he can do when he is chillin all day. He uses his criminal record as an excuse when he doesn't find a job. When I confront him about it he gets verbally abusive and threatens to brake stuff,.... wreck the car....and treats our son very mean.
And with all this ....no matter how bad things are he thinks I'm supposed to want to have sex and I owe that to him cause I'm his wife. Like its my duty to please him sexually. And he says I'm a sh**ty wife cause I don't ever give it up. I'm not trying to keep sex from him though I'm not in the mood to do it AT ALL. Its like he escapes from the stress through his weed and his friends at the studio. I have no escape. When my son is hungry and all i have is Ramen to feed him all day everyday. Why should he feel the pleasure of that sexual release and making him feel like a "man." He says all I want is money, and if he had a thousand dollars then I'd give it up all day long.
If that's being a wife then I can't be a wife right now cause our situation is so bad that I could care less about his needs. If I don't work hard to make things better I know he never will. Sometimes I just want to let things get worse and not pay for anything maybe he'll wake the hell up but then me and my son will suffer. My parents would love for me to leave him and come live with them. If I try he will try his best to destroy my life.... damage my car, my camera equipment (i do photography), my computer ... he'll cry and he may even go out and get a lil job but it wont last.
He's so immature and childish I'm so sick of struggling getting evicted and having our utilities cut off. I can't afford a divorce.... I've been married before ... I can't believe I'm in another failed marriage....I'm a christian.... so I do pray for him but I feel like I should just leave...I don't want it to be 10 years from now and I'm still going through the same thing. Me and my son deserve better.
I think it's your duty to do what is BEST for your son....growing up with an influence like his father is, will certainly do more harm then good. We mold ourselves after our parents...your husband needs to get into counseling and take responsibilities for himself and his family, otherwise, call it quits b/c you could probably do better out there by your son, if he were not around. You'd have more money to invest in your son, instead of this dead beat. You made a bad choice, but it's not written anywhere where you have to accept bad behavior.
I'm wondering if his mother was the kind of mother that did everything for her son, made him dependent on her, as she was co-dependent on him in her role as a mother. So many mothers of sons do that. It is a shame the monsters they create. Our society must be educated from little on up to realize the effects we have on the lives of others, not to mention, break those unwanted characters that our society rolls out in it's children. It is essential that we realize, things will never change as long as we lay asleep and so unaware of our flaws...
In the meantime, I'd invest some serious time into discussing this with your husband and if he doesn't understand or won't begin to realize he has a problem, then you've gotta do, what you've gotta do for the sake of the child.
Your husband is a child...children watch, parrot and learn from their parents...your husband is a very bad role model for your child at this point in time.
Leave. Go to your parents. Start over. Make sure you take the car and your kid in the middle of the night when he's passed out from being high as a kite. Have your suitcase and things packed and under the bed, ready to go. Keep him away from your photography equipment so you can leave with it intact. Divorce doesn't have to cost, file the papers yourself. If he tries to damage the car, and hopefully it's in your name, call the cops, have him arrested and charged, and get a restraining order. Who knows, if you're lucky, he'll end up back in jail, maybe it'll be a probation violation.
Btw, noone owes anyone sex. I think you earn that as part of the intimacy you share in a relationship by being responsible and caring about the other person and their needs. He obviously does nothing for you, if he doesn't participate in the relationship in any way, no I wouldn't have sex with him either. Especially if you ended up with another kid by him!!
Go. NOW. Tonight...stealthy..middle of the night...
Last edited by onegreatnurse; 05-27-2009 at 07:00 AM..
I am so frustrated. I rushed into marriage 3 years ago with this guy. I knew what I was getting into in a way but I wanted a family so bad my judgment was very clouded. Over the past 3 years he has not kept a job longer than a few months and is always on probation. He has 3 probation in three different counties. And he smokes weed and cigarettes every day and hangs out at a music studio all day. We have moved liked 3 times cause I never make enough money to support us. In march I got laid off of my job and I haven't worked. I can't pay anything or even buy diapers for our son or food for us to eat. Our car is broken down (while his was driving it..out bs'ng around) and has no insurance and i still have to pay the note next week and all the bills. Only by Gods grace have we made it thus far.
I'm so fed up with him, the only thing he does is wash dishes and sweeps, our house is a mess. I never clean because I feel like that is the least he can do when he is chillin all day. He uses his criminal record as an excuse when he doesn't find a job. When I confront him about it he gets verbally abusive and threatens to brake stuff,.... wreck the car....and treats our son very mean.
And with all this ....no matter how bad things are he thinks I'm supposed to want to have sex and I owe that to him cause I'm his wife. Like its my duty to please him sexually. And he says I'm a sh**ty wife cause I don't ever give it up. I'm not trying to keep sex from him though I'm not in the mood to do it AT ALL. Its like he escapes from the stress through his weed and his friends at the studio. I have no escape. When my son is hungry and all i have is Ramen to feed him all day everyday. Why should he feel the pleasure of that sexual release and making him feel like a "man." He says all I want is money, and if he had a thousand dollars then I'd give it up all day long.
If that's being a wife then I can't be a wife right now cause our situation is so bad that I could care less about his needs. If I don't work hard to make things better I know he never will. Sometimes I just want to let things get worse and not pay for anything maybe he'll wake the hell up but then me and my son will suffer. My parents would love for me to leave him and come live with them. If I try he will try his best to destroy my life.... damage my car, my camera equipment (i do photography), my computer ... he'll cry and he may even go out and get a lil job but it wont last.
He's so immature and childish I'm so sick of struggling getting evicted and having our utilities cut off. I can't afford a divorce.... I've been married before ... I can't believe I'm in another failed marriage....I'm a christian.... so I do pray for him but I feel like I should just leave...I don't want it to be 10 years from now and I'm still going through the same thing. Me and my son deserve better.
Nowhere do you even say you love him, which is a common catch cry from someone in your position. Straight forward advice.....get out of the relationship and end all ties with him now! short term pain, but long term gain.
The car is broken down but you say if you leave he will probably destroy your car? You also say he will destroy your camera equipment and say you "do photography." You say you lost your job in March? If you can't bring yourself to take advantage of your parents' offer to move in with them, maybe you should sell the camera equipment and the computer and get your child some food other than Ramen. Too many inconsistencies here to ring true.
Well, we do have instant ramen just add hot water..
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