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I've no doubt the OP is referring to the "chock full o'salt" Ramen noodles which are super cheap and which you just add boiling water to for a great non nutritious meal!
Location: Partisanship Is An Intellectual/Emotional Handicap
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Reputation: 1082
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoingNCircles
I am so frustrated. I rushed into marriage 3 years ago with this guy. I knew what I was getting into in a way but I wanted a family so bad my judgment was very clouded. Over the past 3 years he has not kept a job longer than a few months and is always on probation. He has 3 probation in three different counties. And he smokes weed and cigarettes every day and hangs out at a music studio all day. We have moved liked 3 times cause I never make enough money to support us. In march I got laid off of my job and I haven't worked. I can't pay anything or even buy diapers for our son or food for us to eat. Our car is broken down (while his was driving it..out bs'ng around) and has no insurance and i still have to pay the note next week and all the bills. Only by Gods grace have we made it thus far.
I'm so fed up with him, the only thing he does is wash dishes and sweeps, our house is a mess. I never clean because I feel like that is the least he can do when he is chillin all day. He uses his criminal record as an excuse when he doesn't find a job. When I confront him about it he gets verbally abusive and threatens to brake stuff,.... wreck the car....and treats our son very mean.
And with all this ....no matter how bad things are he thinks I'm supposed to want to have sex and I owe that to him cause I'm his wife. Like its my duty to please him sexually. And he says I'm a sh**ty wife cause I don't ever give it up. I'm not trying to keep sex from him though I'm not in the mood to do it AT ALL. Its like he escapes from the stress through his weed and his friends at the studio. I have no escape. When my son is hungry and all i have is Ramen to feed him all day everyday. Why should he feel the pleasure of that sexual release and making him feel like a "man." He says all I want is money, and if he had a thousand dollars then I'd give it up all day long.
If that's being a wife then I can't be a wife right now cause our situation is so bad that I could care less about his needs. If I don't work hard to make things better I know he never will. Sometimes I just want to let things get worse and not pay for anything maybe he'll wake the hell up but then me and my son will suffer. My parents would love for me to leave him and come live with them. If I try he will try his best to destroy my life.... damage my car, my camera equipment (i do photography), my computer ... he'll cry and he may even go out and get a lil job but it wont last.
He's so immature and childish I'm so sick of struggling getting evicted and having our utilities cut off. I can't afford a divorce.... I've been married before ... I can't believe I'm in another failed marriage....I'm a christian.... so I do pray for him but I feel like I should just leave...I don't want it to be 10 years from now and I'm still going through the same thing. Me and my son deserve better.
Get the hell out of the marriage. Get out now!
File for divorce. Do it now!
If what you're saying is true, the guy is a complete loser.
While he's out hanging around the music studio, pack your bags, take everything you need and ............get as far away from that parasite .....as possible.
Recruit the help of trusted friends and family members to help you get the hell out of there.
I assure you staying with that blood sucking, life draining leetch ......life won't get any better. It's only going to get worse.
When I was a student I knew other students who lived on 2 minute noodles. Now I would say most are eating just fine TYVM. As I said to the OP, short term pain (leaving him). Long term gain.
There is NOWHERE in the bible that says stay with a man who is dangerous to you and more importantly your child. If you were any kind of a decent mother, you would have left him already. Take your child and run as far and as fast as possible! If I hadn't worked in social services, I would wonder why you need strangers to tell you what to do.
The sad fact is that many women suffer from depression and/or only think of themselves in these situations. The ystop thinking about their children. That's why social services steps in. To the OP if you stay with this man, that's exactly what is going to happen. And for your child's sake I hope it happens sooner rather than later.
Oh good God--YOU CHOSE THIS GUY!!! A .......
I don't mean to be harsh, but it drives me nuts to hear women complain about their guy when they knew exactly what he was like getting into the relationship. If you really feel you deserve better, don't settle for this! Raise your son and stay away from another marriage. . . your son doesn't need any more chaos.
Oh, and don't get married again till you get over the notion that sex is a "duty" you "owe" a husband instead of the intimate pleasure, and special way to let him know you accept and desire him that it is.
You are right I did make the choice. It was not a smart one but I cannot live a life a regret I have to think about the future at this point. If you can't understand my frustration that's fine, everyone circumstances are different. I suffered 3 miscarriages back to back and suffered from depression and feelings of unworthiness so deep. I thought maybe if we get married then God would bless me with a child. I got married and got pregnant with my son a month later. I wish I had not have done it, in hindsight. I knew how he was your right, I wasnt fully happy then but you have to understand where my mind was. Besides now that I am a mother I have changed. I am a different person than the one he married. I have done all I can do.
Also I want to explain... I'm not the one that feels it is a "duty" .. he apparently feels that way I am assuming ....by the why he treats me. I don't feel intimate with someone who is treating me that way so why would i want to share my body with them? I dont accept him being a bum.
Last edited by GoingNCircles; 05-27-2009 at 12:10 PM..
Reason: clarification
I'm wondering if his mother was the kind of mother that did everything for her son, made him dependent on her, as she was co-dependent on him in her role as a mother. So many mothers of sons do that. It is a shame the monsters they create. Our society must be educated from little on up to realize the effects we have on the lives of others, not to mention, break those unwanted characters that our society rolls out in it's children. It is essential that we realize, things will never change as long as we lay asleep and so unaware of our flaws...
Good luck
WOW.. How'd you know? yes his mom is a nurturer and caretaker by nature. I LOVE his mom, she babies all of us and she has bailed us out soooo many times I can't even count matter of fact if she'd let us fall on our face a long time ago I may have been at this point sooner than now.
The car is broken down but you say if you leave he will probably destroy your car? You also say he will destroy your camera equipment and say you "do photography." You say you lost your job in March? If you can't bring yourself to take advantage of your parents' offer to move in with them, maybe you should sell the camera equipment and the computer and get your child some food other than Ramen. Too many inconsistencies here to ring true.
I've thought about this BUT I make some money doing photography.. wedding and portraits... I also am a talented graphic designer and since I was laid off I've been doing freelance work. I'm not making enough to take care of all of us and all the bills that have accrued since March. Until I find a permanent job this is my only means of money... anyone out there that does this for a living would understand how the income is. I've actually started my own biz doing this BUT its like how can I move forward with all this if I have this bump on a log. thats why it feels like I'm going in circles, its hard to be creative when your so stressed... you know.... my creativity is the only outlet I have... growing in the industry that Im talented in is my key out of this mess.....
I'm a guy and I can't defend ANY of his behavior. Abuse is abuse. You have to do what's best for your child and get as far away as you can and don't look back. I don't want to beat up on the father of your son, but he's not setting a good example for him. Its up to you to get out of this situation now. Whats done is done. No one asks for this treatment. Good luck to you and your son.
I've no doubt the OP is referring to the "chock full o'salt" Ramen noodles which are super cheap and which you just add boiling water to for a great non nutritious meal!
Yes exactly... my point is that I want to provide not only a better meal but a better life for my son.
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