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You seem to suggest that everyone takes care of their own stuff individually, instead of leaving it to one person to do all of it. The latter is a more efficient use of time and resources.
You seem to suggest that everyone takes care of their own stuff individually, instead of leaving it to one person to do all of it. The latter is a more efficient use of time and resources.
I never said that...I said if everyone chips in and does something than chores get done faster and you have more family time together. If 4 people are at home, why does it make sense for 3 of them to sit on the couch while Mom is folding laundry, cooking dinner, making the beds, cleaning the bathtub, etc?
No doubt they could be doing "something else". If they're sitting on the couch, just watching TV, then they really should have something else to do. Like kids doing their homework, for example. Dad could be fixing something up, taking care of the lawn or some other chore. I never claimed that others should get a "free ride"--hell, I had to get a job at 16 to literally PAY my parents room and board. Recreation isn't necessary--there's always some kind of work to be done.
Who wants to compete with children for their mother? And in the end that is what will happen. When it comes down to it, the man will lose out if she has to choose.
Another reason could be character. If I were a single man (I'm actually a married woman), I would wonder why the woman is a single mother to begin with? By choice? By accident? Carelessness? Unwed pregnancy? Divorced from a great guy? Divorced from a creep..and if so, why did she marry him in the first place? Is she not a good judge of of character? Maybe she's a widow? That would be sad. Too many questions...too complicated. Too many women without all that.
And you could ask a similar set of questions anytime you meet someone who's divorced. Why did her marriage fail? Was she unfaithful? Was she just a lousy wife? Did she marry a jerk and, if so, is she not a good judge of character? It's normal to wonder how someone came to be divorced or came to be a single mom. But I prefer to give people a chance to explain before making assumptions. I would expect the same courtesy from others too when they meet me. I'd want people to keep an open mind about me before judging me. But a lot of people are hypocrites. They freely judge others whose lives they nothing about but at the same time, they get offended if someone judges them for their past.
Quote:
Originally Posted by shadowwalker
Who wants to compete with children for their mother? And in the end that is what will happen. When it comes down to it, the man will lose out if she has to choose.
You could make the same argument even if the child were yours. When you have kids, they compete with you for their mother's attention. People act like this only happens when you're dating a single mom, but it happens within families all the time.
I have not read all of the posts in this thread (only a few ) but I'm going to add my 2 cents. I am a single mom and have been for the past 3 years. The main reason that I do not date (at all) is because of the term 'baggage'. I found very early on that most people do consider your children to be "baggage". That is a pure simple fact. You will hear it over and over again. "No baggage/no drama" etc. My children are not baggage. They are the most precious treasure that I have. However, I am their mom! There is no man on the face of this earth who will be able to view my children in the same way that I do because they aren't their father. My children aren't baggage or something to be "accepted"....as in "I'll accept someone with kids"...no way. My kids are my treasure and not something to merely be 'tolerated', 'accepted' or thought of as 'baggage'. I willl gladly forego dating to ensure that my children are never treated by anyone as baggage. This is a misconception in the first place that anyone would consider children baggage. Unfortunately it is so prevalent that I will not even dabble in dating. Also in considering what men are looking for it would not be fair to them. Many have stated how frustrating it is to date someone who can never give all of themselves. Cancelling dates etc. because of the children being sick or some other family obligation. Well it's true. The children will always come first. So no need to pretend otherwise. I will never put myself into a situation that allows a stranger off the street to suddenly elevate his needs above those of my own children. This is what happens time and again . Loneliness comes and goes. I believe a lonely night or two will not kill me. When my children are grown and have their own lives, then perhaps I'll have coffee with someone. I'll be old and gray and maybe we'll wheel ourselves over there...lol...but that's about the closest I'll ever come to dating.
Recreation isn't necessary--there's always some kind of work to be done.
Wow that family life must suck. My family always had recreation time - playing cards/board games, watching movies, going Putt-Putt, swimming, etc...20 years later I don't remember if our kitchen floor was mopped everyday or if our ceiling fans were always dusted but I remember the time we went to the Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta and spent 3 days watching hot air balloons. I think family recreation is a necessity.
Quote:
Originally Posted by shadowwalker
Who wants to compete with children for their mother? And in the end that is what will happen. When it comes down to it, the man will lose out if she has to choose.
You could say the say thing if the children were yours. I think in some cases, it helps if the kids understand Mom is a person. When my mom started dating (even though I was young) she told us "I need to spend time with my friends, just like you spend time with yours." I never saw my mother dating as a threat on our relationship.
You could make the same argument even if the child were yours. When you have kids, they compete with you for their mother's attention. People act like this only happens when you're dating a single mom, but it happens within families all the time.
Good reason, then, not to have them. Which is what was argued in the Great Debates thread on a similar subject.
Good reason, then, not to have them. Which is what was argued in the Great Debates thread on a similar subject.
I don't know why it needs to be argued. If your not the type person who wishes to share your life with others, it should be obvious you should not have children or become involved with those that do.
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