Please Help Me. Potential Problems. (date, wife, boyfriend, girlfriends)
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Look, I'm very for making this long but I need some advice.
Heres the WHOLE story.
I was a 17 year old kid, never had a girlfriend. Met this girl named Emma. Me and her became friends very quickly, which turned into hooking up and we eventually dated a month after we met. Things were amazing, we were amazingly in love and she was my first time having sex. However, a few months into the relationship I noticed she was texting her ex boyfriend, lets call him Caff. I was obviously upset at first but Emma told me she was done with him. Her ex had physically abused her and cheated on her with her best friend. She would tell me she just talked to him cause she wanted to. And I let it go, no matter how much it killed my self esteem and hurt me. And so, a month later, we broke up (for the first time). It turns out that first time we brokeup she kissed her ex that day. We got back together a few days later, and she didn't end up telling me about her kissing her ex a few months later. I was upset when she told me, but I forgave her.
I left for college. In college, about a week or two in, I yelled at her for not making time for me. This was one of a few times I freaked out on her, and she left me. She would ignore my calls and texts and so I got mad and cursed her out and said terrible things. So She blocked me from her phone and every social media. We were broken up for a few months until this January we got back together. And everything was great. It was like we never really brokeup. However, a few months in she said she wasen't over all the mean things I said to her, and she wanted to try being single since she was always in a relationship her whole life. I wasen't okay with it, but I agreed. So, we tried to be friends.
Now, a few weeks ago, we went to a dayglow concert. I got the tickets before we brokeup, but still I wanted her to go with her friends and have a good time regardless. I told her it would be a bad idea to see each other at the concert cause I'd just be hurting myself knowing I'd only see you for a few minutes and then she would leave me for her friends.
At the concert, I was drunk and for whatever reason, I felt like she was just using me for the concert and never planned on seeing me. So, I cursed her out through text. I left the concert, until she called me crying when she got the texts. I ran back to the concert to talk to her, but in my drunken state I guess it was all nonsense. She was upset, and being stubborn because I wanted to take her back to my dorm so I wouldn't get an underage. She wouldn't listen, so I yelled at her. She cried and I continued to yell.
Needless to say, the next day I tried apologizing but she wouldn't answer. She was going to end things just like she did last semester, so this made me mad. I cursed her out again through text.
This apparantly was the last straw. She says shes upset all the time and cries randomly for no reason. She says whenever I apologize now its bull****, and she never wants to get back together again. She doesn't even want to talk to me and she said to leave her alone.
I guess what I'm asking is, am i an emotional/verbal abuser, or am I just still holding in all the anger from her ****ing me over and making me feel second best to other guys when we were together?
Well, I've never cursed at my wife, nor any girlfriends before her. I did at my ex the day I moved out -- two short words, second one "you". That was the first time in 30 years of knowing her, and it's been more than 20 years since then. Yes, you're a verbal abuser. You need to learn to attend an anger management class. And back off the booze. You can't handle it.
Yes. You lash out in anger and abuse people instead of dealing with disappointment and frustration as a mature adult would. Drinking is a contributor.
I suspect this will be a recurring theme in your relationships until you take steps to curb your impulsiveness. A good place to start would be to Stop.Drinking.
Also, please leave this poor young woman alone. Forever.
I guess I was expecting that :/ idk i wanna work on it. i really do. Im a nice guy and i dont do this to anyone but her. i just wish i knew how to work on it and i really dont want it to affect any future relationships i may have.
Now, a few weeks ago, we went to a dayglow concert. I got the tickets before we brokeup, but still I wanted her to go with her friends and have a good time regardless. I told her it would be a bad idea to see each other at the concert cause I'd just be hurting myself knowing I'd only see you for a few minutes and then she would leave me for her friends.
At the concert, I was drunk and for whatever reason, I felt like she was just using me for the concert and never planned on seeing me. So, I cursed her out through text.
You changed the terms of what was IMO a gift and acted abusively.
So, yes, you are an emotional/verbal abuser, the alcohol increases those qualities, it isn't bc of the alcohol.
And agree with another post, this will be a recurring theme in your relationships until you get anger issues in check.
I guess I was expecting that :/ idk i wanna work on it. i really do. Im a nice guy and i dont do this to anyone but her. i just wish i knew how to work on it and i really dont want it to affect any future relationships i may have.
Do seek out counseling. The behaviors will affect you and your future relationships. Potentially, can progress to physical abuses, serious injuries to a partner, court action and jail time.
Counseling is good, you need to learn new ways of handling your anger and communicate better. Do it now, for yourself.
Please...respect the girls request to be left alone. The last thing you need is a stalker label and charges.
You're behaving the same way her ex did. That's the thing. So she's getting this "oh no, not again! Not another abuser!" reaction. And who can blamer her? SHe's probably thinking, "Why do I attract abusive guys?" She's lumped you into that category.
So take it as a learning experience and move on. Do what you have to do to deal with your anger issues (counseling. At college you can get free counseling in the health center). You have anger issues, and possibly alcohol issues.
I can understand your disappointment, and hurt that right from the beginning of you/her relationship she was still texting an ex boyfriend...but your losing your temper like you did is YOUR problem,...and not her fault...She would be smart to walk away.....why deal with someone elses anger if you don't need to?...who would want to??....Maybe if you'd ditch the cell,(especially when you're drinking), you wouldn't text things that you later regret.
Would you cuss yourself out or say what you said to yourself? Would you put up with you? Man you got issues.. If you don't change the bottom line is you will never have a happy relationship.
Something I have noticed about relationships today is people don't understand the basic base of a serious relationship. A person has to have the capability to love someone more than they love them self. What I mean by that is do you have the capability to give your life for your mate or the family you have together if need be? When you value someone to that level there are things you won't do (cheat) or abuse them.
Your young and it's not too late to change but if you want a good life relationship you need to change your mindset on relationships and understand the power of alcohol. In the big picture I think you'll be ok, just learn from the experience.. The pin ball relationship's don't usually work and if a woman is still in contact with their ex it's just a matter of time before your the new ex.. So date as many women as you can until your ready to settle down..
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