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It's always the simple things that change lives for the better.. be it music, or a kind word, or ballroom dancing (I still haven't mastered that), or even a rainy night.. I think those simple things have more of an impact on our lives than anything..
Then again, I could just be psycho - which is probably the case.
I think we've already established you're my kind of psycho so no surprise that I agree.
I think it is the simple things.
I think the simple things are sign posts that start you on a new path.
The fact that you're at the end of a cycle (the end of the relationship) means you're already open to a new direction it's just following which shiny thing or sign post has the brightest neon sign for you and seeing where it takes you.
AND I think that one of the things that comes along with endings is an openess or more of a willingness to "risk" or change, be that through choice or not.
Endings have you examining what is and searching for new beginnings.
I have always found the best beginnings start from very simple things.
And now I gotta go contemplate my navel before I get too existential for my own good and accidently blow my head up with too much thinking.
Good question, Mr. Cat. Right there with you. I'll appreciate reading what everybody has to say here in response, too... Best of luck as you start out.
Well it takes time. Things can't change from one day to the next and still make you feel comfortable. I would recommend getting a phone. Calling your best friend or family every day. Even if its just to say Good morning. I also recommend getting up early and going jogging or for a walk for at least half an hour every single day. I would get a dog, to keep me company through the long lonely nights. And since classes are starting at most universities, I might even sign up for a few.
Take one day at a time, and remember that now that you are free, it will take some time to get back into the routine of things. But also, now that you are free, you get to travel and explore the world without having to wait for someone to be on your wavelenght. Also, some will say to not jump into any relationships just yet, and maybe thats right for them, but it doesn't hurt if you try to see if it works for you. Sometimes, you don't need a new relationship, but you might want to hook up with someone at a bar one of these nights just for sex. I condone it because anything that will get your body to feel alive again (sex, exercise, yoga, jogging, dancing, gymnastics,sports, etc) will attract the life force to you. You will feel alive. And thats what you need right now.
Also eat fish products and drink milk every once in a while so your mind thinks more clearly. And don't drink coffee every single day if you can help it. Sometimes, coffee depresses people by the end of the day. I have found this to be true, though I still drink coffee occasionally.
How Do You Start Re-Definine Yor Life After A Break Up?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Cat
How do you begin the process? Any ideas?
Think about all the things and friends you used to hang out with before you were in the relationship/marriage. Especially the hobbies. I know a lot of guys that gave up their automotive passions once they got engaged or married.
So for you, get back into the car scene and find a car to build up. And while you are healing emotionally from the breakup, I'd avoid looking for another romantic relationship for a while. If your ex starts dating before you, who cares? Don't rush trying to find a new s/o. Remember, quality over quantity is the way to go.
Many also fine satisfaction after a breakup by hitting the gym and getting in better shape than they were while in the relationship. Or join a team sport for the camaraderie.
Volunteer work for a charity is also a great way to heal. Is there a Habitat for Humanity project near you? Helping the less fortunate is an excellent way to see that your own life isn't all that bad. And you would meet a lot of good people in the process.
And don't forget to spend quality time with your kids. I believe that your ultimate satisfaction will be in being a good father to them.
Don't define or rate yourself by those that reject your company. There are tons of great people out there that will like your company a lot. Go find them.
Hard to say we are all wired differently, I was emotionally numb for a few months, just concentrated on work...and finding a new job. I guess that was my outlet, making some positive changes elsewhere in my life. Better job, better shape, more schooling, something like that...its one of the things you have some control over. Before I knew it three years had gone by. I really didnt date until then.
Hermit yourself away for a set period of time. During that time you re-evaluate everything in life, you, your relationship, why it failed (if applicable), what you can do differently.
You take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if you really really love yourself. If you can't honestly answer that question, then you need to work on some things. Everyone has different things they need to work on, maybe it might be attitude, self esteem, other things but everyone has something.
At some point in life we all need to clean house within ourselves and re-evaluate, make sure you are doing everything you can be and should be doing and then go from there.
After a relationship ends either nicely or badly, you have to regroup and take a look inside and see what's happening. Failure happens for many reasons but facts are facts, both parties have some share in the failure.
Well, Cat, I know this has been a terrible ordeal for you. Right now, you're thinking that there's nothing positive to take away from any of this, right?
However, even after the worst of events in one's life, there are opportunities. The first thing to do is to reflect on your situation and what led you here, without beating yourself up. I'm not trying to be cavalier about your hurt and despair, but people do grow apart. And flogging yourself is not positive.
Now, I think you should really think about what you want to do. By that, I don't mean the day-to-day in your life. But where do you want to be five, ten years from now? Remarried? Living on a sailboat in the Marquesas? Because you have an opportunity to start all over. Tabula rasa, if you will.
Read 'The Grief Recovery Handbook' to get a perspective on your life. You do grieve when you lose someone whether it is through death or divorce. The one thing I agree with is you have to learn to be you again. I know I had no idea who 'I' was when I got divorced but I married young.
You are lucky to have so many good friends here on CD who care about you.
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How Do You Start Re-Definine Yor Life After A Break Up?
