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Following my last few break-ups I went back to my meditition center in order to ground myself, get perspective, and create a plan. My plans normally included life-style modification like eating well and fitness. And of course a new goal to achieve. When I was a small business owner I focussed on new events to improve cash flow or sought out creative outlets to get fresh ideas for next seasons ticket items. When I was in school I ended up picking up a second major. In short, I made sure to stay busy and productive. I wanted to turn the hurt into something positive.
My ex and I were married for seven years, got married right out of high school.. (long story there) When we got divorced, I decided that I needed a BIG change. My ex didn't have anything, so I gave her everything, paid for the rest of her college, most of her medical bills, etc.. and then I decided that it was time to live for myself for awhile.
So, I focused on work. I moved into a little run down shack (actually got kicked out, the building got condemned, another long story there), bought the cheapest car I could afford (200 bucks!), and lived on PB&J for about six months. Overall, my expenses were only about 600 a month, and I brought in at the time around 3000 a month.. So, I saved every extra dime until I reached a point where I could live without working for six months.
As soon as I reached my goal, I left. I had given everything to my ex, so all I owned was a car and clothes.. I started driving.. I went from Tampa to Dallas, to New Mexico then up to Chicago.. I've been everywhere south of WI and east of NM, working little odd jobs along the way just to keep myself busy. I did that for about three years before I finally ended up here.
But, through all of that, I learned who I am. I knew that at one point in my life I was an alcoholic, I almost died because of that and heart problems, but then I replaced one addiction with another.. I worked from 6 am until 2 am every day.. When I was traveling, I didn't have that. I realized that I didn't need to worry so much about things, and ultimately, I just got down to living.
I learned that life waits for nobody, that we spend so much time thinking about the past and worrying about things that nothing ever really gets done. We never truly live to our fullest potential.
I learned that love is something that is more than words. It's a connection with the world, with a special somebody, with a group of friends.. I learned that it comes in many forms - that helping an old lady change a tire in the middle of a snowstorm can mean more than anything.. I also learned that it isn't easy, it takes work..
I learned that all the silly games that we play in life are just that - silly games. The reason that we are alive is to learn and grow, and that "no man is an island, entire of itself".
Thing is, moving on is different for everyone. Some people go out and immediately start dating again, trying to replace what they lost. Some people get lost in the bottle, trying to drown their past in that amber liquid. Some people focus on work, or on hobbies, or whatever.
But, the best way to move on? I think that's simple.. Breath in, breath out, and get on with life. Get on with living, learn from the past, and then let it go.
Gato, you're still in the IE. If so...go cruise the mountains...or roll out to the Lake and just...be. Then figure out what YOU want...I say go to OC and get a cool little place in HB or someplace close to the water....
Naturally since I am still in Chicago I will live thru you. Also my place in Mo Val may be available....
its like a partner dying. no matter how beautiful wonderful gifted they were, somehow some way, you had a life b4 and after live it and own it. its the qualities they expressed that you loved. try to express them and have them in your life. the scars will remain but the pain subsides.
Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 08-17-2009 at 11:24 PM..
I got your answer right here, Gato ... BALLROOM DANCING. Yes, that's right. When you're focused on your feet and your posture - you won't have time to think about anything else - except maybe where your next dance is!
It appeared on the radio not long after the break up and it seemed to open up a portal in my mind and define accurately what had just gone down. It forced me to look at myself AND in pursuing more music from the same band it opened my life up to a whole new world, other experiences, other bands, a whole new kind of friend, a completely different way of life and it completely changed who I was.
A simple thing that perhaps others would not understand, but for me that song was the catalyst for a whole lot of change for the better.
Last time I had a good deal of time to plot my new life while I waited for him to leave. Soon as he was out the door I got started and haven't looked back.
Whether you are goal oriented or more of a go with the flow kind of person I think examination of what is and what was is where you start and that allows you to start rejecting what you didn't like and explore the possibilities of what you did like.
Whether you are goal oriented or more of a go with the flow kind of person I think examination of what is and what was is where you start and that allows you to start rejecting what you didn't like and explore the possibilities of what you did like.
Ya know, that made me think..
It's always the simple things that change lives for the better.. be it music, or a kind word, or ballroom dancing (I still haven't mastered that), or even a rainy night.. I think those simple things have more of an impact on our lives than anything..
Then again, I could just be psycho - which is probably the case.
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