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OK, here goes. We are having *major* issues with trust in our marriage. Or, more appropriately, I'm having the issue. We've been married for six years and I have, at times, questioned my wife about guys at work, guys from her past etc. All the while, with absolutely no evidence to make an accusation.
Last Friday, I noticed her exchanging messages on Facebook with a male coworkers. The messages were pretty innocent, just talking about Big Brother (reality TV show) and wishing him good luck in school. No big deal, but for some reason I completely lost it, thinking that maybe she is attracted to another guy. My wife gets emotional, wanting to know why she can't have male friends, assures me that she is aware of the boundaries in our marriage. We go back and forth over the weekend. Finally, after another argument on Sunday, claiming she is tired of six years of accusations and/or mistrust she gives me an ultimatum.....either seek counseling over my trust issue or the marriage is over. So, I'm torn..don't understand why she will not see my concern over friendships with single guys etc. Any suggestions? Please be honest, I can take the criticism if it comes my way.
Ok, honestly? You freaked for no reason. But, I see WHY you freaked. Maybe things at home have gotten a lil boring or slowed down a bit and when you saw her talking to other men it just kinda threw you for a loop. Totally understandable! But, keep this in mind and coming from me who is in a very serious relationship but most of my friends are men. I work with them and the same ones we hang out after work - sometimes with my SO and sometimes not but he always knows and it really is completely innocent.
I just get along better with men, always have and I made that perfectly clear before we got into a relationship. Thankfully he's not a jealous person or this wouldn't work.
You just need to express to your wife an apology, and just be honest about your feelings - if it looked innocent and she wasn't trying to hide it then you have nothing to worry about!
I recommend councelling for the both of you. Someone can innocently flirt at a party, people survive infidelity, but I'm sensing what is really aggravating to you about this is the 'intimacy' she has developed with these other people. Not sexual intimacy, an intimacy bond where one is comfortable being themselves and discussing anything kind. I don't think your issue is jealousy that she'll screw around on you I think there is a missing element of intimacy between the two of you that councilling will certainly help.
I think that seeking counseling for your trust issues is probably a good idea. You yourself said "you're having the issue....with no evidence to make an accusation....the messages were innocent....but for some reason you lost it" It does not sound like you are in control of this, and you admit she is innocent and this is your thing.
I have male friends on facebook, I have male friends who call/email/text me who are old friends and want to stay in touch since I have moved. My husband has not once been jealous or even the slightest bit concerned. A lack of trust and jealousy is a very effective way to push someone away so I would recommend you getting help if you do not want to do so.
OK, here goes. We are having *major* issues with trust in our marriage. Or, more appropriately, I'm having the issue. We've been married for six years and I have, at times, questioned my wife about guys at work, guys from her past etc. All the while, with absolutely no evidence to make an accusation.
Last Friday, I noticed her exchanging messages on Facebook with a male coworkers. The messages were pretty innocent, just talking about Big Brother (reality TV show) and wishing him good luck in school. No big deal, but for some reason I completely lost it, thinking that maybe she is attracted to another guy. My wife gets emotional, wanting to know why she can't have male friends, assures me that she is aware of the boundaries in our marriage. We go back and forth over the weekend. Finally, after another argument on Sunday, claiming she is tired of six years of accusations and/or mistrust she gives me an ultimatum.....either seek counseling over my trust issue or the marriage is over. So, I'm torn..don't understand why she will not see my concern over friendships with single guys etc. Any suggestions? Please be honest, I can take the criticism if it comes my way.
Ok...I'm in your wife's shoes. I work in a male dominated field and have many male friends. This does not mean I'm going to sleep with them!!!!!!!!!! It took many years for my husband to understand that.
Ok..so you don't understand her not understanding your concerns. She has assured you probably on countless occations that you have nothing to fear. You yourself say that she has given you NO cause for you concerns.
Then why are you showing her NO respect and basically calling her a tramp?
Every time you accuse her of this "misconduct" that's what you're calling her. You are telling her that you don't trust her. And you can't love someone you don't trust. So you're calling her a tramp AND a liar. I'm past the point of putting up with that garbage too. I have too much respect for myself than that.
I gave my husband a similar choice...luckily he chose wisely. I hope you do too.
Tough call not knowing either of you. You stated you've made accustions with no grounds of evidence. Perhaps it's a trust isse you need to overcome. Honestly though, most guys won't appreciate their wives having male friends, especially ones they hang out with. Most women wouldn't be crazy about the idea of their man having close female friends either. You need to consider the nature of the friendship. If they are just friends at work then perhaps it's harmless, especially if she's disclosed the friendships to you. Now if she values her male friendships more than her marriage perhaps you aren't too far off in your suspicions. Does she offer to let you meet these guys? Does she spend time with them after work without you around? Would she have a problem with you if you had some female friends of your own? Try the counseling if that's what she feels may help you to overcome your insecurity. What have you got to lose...besides your marriage?
OK, here goes. We are having *major* issues with trust in our marriage. Or, more appropriately, I'm having the issue. We've been married for six years and I have, at times, questioned my wife about guys at work, guys from her past etc. All the while, with absolutely no evidence to make an accusation.
Last Friday, I noticed her exchanging messages on Facebook with a male coworkers. The messages were pretty innocent, just talking about Big Brother (reality TV show) and wishing him good luck in school. No big deal, but for some reason I completely lost it, thinking that maybe she is attracted to another guy. My wife gets emotional, wanting to know why she can't have male friends, assures me that she is aware of the boundaries in our marriage. We go back and forth over the weekend. Finally, after another argument on Sunday, claiming she is tired of six years of accusations and/or mistrust she gives me an ultimatum.....either seek counseling over my trust issue or the marriage is over. So, I'm torn..don't understand why she will not see my concern over friendships with single guys etc. Any suggestions? Please be honest, I can take the criticism if it comes my way.
I dated a guy like this for 2 years. He hated the fact that I had guy friends and automatically assumed there was something going on. Bottom line is, you need to trust her or find a real reason why there is a lack of trust with you. I don't think its her situation at all; I really think it's yours. Unless there is proof of her acting suspiciously, sudden lack of sex, always going out, distance, etc, CHILL OUT.
I have a lot of single guy friends and I will not ditch them over a boyfriend which has happened before. He just needs to understand that.
Also, think of it this way, if she wanted to hook up with another guy, she would have. And if she wanted to move on for another guy, she would have. BAM.
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