Does it bother you that you'll never have that "Anxious" feeling again?? (Married People) (dates, woman)
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Location: miami, fla. enjoying the relative cool, for now ;)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rhett_Butler
You know that feeling you get when you first meet someone and get all ga-ga over them and are all jittery and such.... "Do I call? Do I wait? Do I kiss him/her on the first date?", (I'm a poet and didn't know it.. ).
I know I'm going to get a lot of the "Oh I ALWAYS feel that way about my husband so 'no'." Or the "I try to re-create the feeling by having spontaneous, romantic movie and date nights....." etc.....
Yes, I understand there are ways to keep the relationship "fresh" in a marriage, but no matter how you try it won't be like that feeling you had when you first met them...
I'm married as well and sometimes ponder how, if all goes the way it should, that I'll never go through that "feeling" again... It's not that I'm depressed over it, but fond memories and such I guess....
Thoughts?
I don't know that I ever experienced that, you make what you experienced sound like symptoms of anxiety people are prescribed drugs for.
get professional help!
I wish you would post a thread to tell women on here to be this way for their men. Seriously.
You have never tried to impress or change to please. You were yourself. You sound very mature in the expressions you made on here.
You...are the reason you have a happy marriage. If more women would just be themselves and act as if they would when they were by themselves or be who they are at all times instead of putting on this front they will meet someone who adores them. You cannot adore someone who isn't who they seem to be.
When someone meets a girl who they fall in love with and then after marrying her finds she isn't who she is. She perhaps doesn't like the things she said she likes or does things she only did to impress you it's all a lie. A complete and cruel lie.
So I rep you for being yourself.
Why TY funnyman. Don't get me wrong, I went sour with plenty of relationships before finding my current husband. What I found with DH when we were friends was, I watched and learned. I watched him date this one girl who always came to me, his best friend, to gripe about all of his "ticks". This girl hated every little thing about him. He never shared his media with anyone. He didn't like her touching his things, she hated how he was so quiet and not social when they went out. I kept thinking, "wow, these are the things I could live with, if you're with the right person, maybe these things won't bother you."
I have always respected DH. I make it a point to never squabble in public. I respect him at all times, because he does the same for me. We are ourselves and accept each other for who we are, because we respect each other. Why would I try to change a man that I love everything about?
There are things that needed to change throughout our marriage, but that's where solid communication comes in. If a compromise can't be made, we wait another day or try something new. I found that if you have force things over and over again, it wasn't meant to be. Some things should flow naturally, and you'll know when its time to fight something tooth and nail.
We seem to always pick the same battles, and we come out win-win. Right now, DH's mom is living with us, and this is a whole new area for us b/c I'm down right miserable. I saved that for another thread tho.
Only way to get that feeling back is to become swingers
Yes becuase nothing is more romantic and new then your wife bangin some random dude. I can already feel the electricity the first time she ..err.. nevermind
I actually don't miss the feeling. The whole "do I call, do I not call" phase I never really enjoyed much...I hated the whole dating game lol..but thats just me:P
You know what? That's really overrated stuff. I like the fact that I have a partner in life who is with me no matter what. To me, that's much more of a turn-on than chasing after the next cheap thrill, thanks.
Um, it doesn't HAVE to be either/or. I think that's one of the points of this thread. Dismissing the fun of the romantic feelings and butterflies just because you're married is sad, IMO.
Is this why marriage seems to many of us to be so staid and routinized?
I used to get anxious when my husband was returning from a trip and I was picking him up at the airport or he was expected to return home. Now with 2 toddlers, my mind is more often than not elsewhere despite being excited about his return. I'm usually entertaining my kids instead of keeping my eyes on the customs exit.
This is one of the reasons why I want to start meeting my husband out for drinks/dinner instead of leaving the home together. There's something about the idea of me dressing for him (without asking him his opinion, which I always do) and then the anticipation of meeting him out hoping he likes what he sees. [Sure I dress up & surprise him at home, but the anticipation isn't long enough and somewhat different.]
What a lovely idea. One year into our relationship my bf and I are still so much in love, but ever since he moved in we haven't met anywhere in public already dolled up for one another. There is a certain fun/excitement that goes along with that and you remind us that anyone, even couples living together can keep that feeling alive with a little planning.
To echo what others have said here, I find that the butterflies grow more active after an absence. I recently went away for the weekend - first weekend apart from him in a long while. At the end of it I was overwhelmed with excitement at the idea of seeing him again.
Because the relationship is still so relatively new, the butterflies remain present to some degree in my daily life, but I can imagine that after a few years they may be all but gone. Yet I find that the thought does not upset me. I look forward to growing old with him, and I don't imagine that the affection that exists between us will ever diminish. We'll always have fond memories of the early days (we already have fun reminiscing), and to have someone who is always there with a hug and a smile, and who you can do nice things for, and trust to be your confidant and partner in crime no matter where life takes you . . . that's where the real magic is. To me that's worth more than the initial butterflies.
Anxious? That's not a feeling I like. Butterflies are more like it for me.
And though we're not married yet, but engaged and living together, after almost 2 years, he still gives me butterflies but for smaller stuff. Like when I see his car pulling in from work or when he texts me out of nowhere to tell me he loves me or when I get home to find fresh flowers and dinner prepared. He also loves when I snuggle with him and surprise him with a kiss from behind or when I stop by his job just to see him. There are lots of little ways you can keep that spark going.
it's like visiting a different country
I'm never going to be 30 again either. Or 20. I'm never going to give birth again. I'm never going to go backpacking again on a 40-mile trek in the wilderness.
It is like moving to a new country and taking up residence there, living there for now. Yes, it is different. New territory to explore, new experiences and feelings to engage me. When I'm 60 that will be another new land to inhabit. When I'm 70 that will be something else new.
We age, we grow, there is no stopping it even if we want to, or try to, or resist change, or fight it. So I might as well relax and enjoy the ride and delight in the changing scenery.
You know that feeling you get when you first meet someone and get all ga-ga over them and are all jittery and such.... "Do I call? Do I wait? Do I kiss him/her on the first date?", (I'm a poet and didn't know it.. ).
I am married, and no, i don't ever get that feeling. I think that specifically, that feeling deals with falling in love and not being sure how the other person feels. You're excited, but not sure if you're moving too fast/slow, and not sure how the relationship will turn out.
Obviously, if you're married, you are on the same page as far as feelings are concerned. I'm never going to walk around wondering if my husband is in love with me. And if you are married and wondering if your spouse loves you, then it isn't that excited, anxious feeling either. It would be more of a freaked out, what happened to our relationship, "are we getting divorced?" feeling.
I think the trade off is worth it. You get a very comfortable,secure feeling of knowing that someone has been there for you through good and bad times and will continue to in the future.
As far as keeping the marriage fresh, I agree that there are things you can and should do, I just don't think they contribute to the anxious feeling described, because you are trying to keep your romance alive, not starting a new relationship. 2 totally different creatures.
I guess the only exception I can think of is if you are married and fall in love with someone else Probably not what the OP had in mind!
it's like visiting a different country
I'm never going to be 30 again either. Or 20. I'm never going to give birth again. I'm never going to go backpacking again on a 40-mile trek in the wilderness.
It is like moving to a new country and taking up residence there, living there for now. Yes, it is different. New territory to explore, new experiences and feelings to engage me. When I'm 60 that will be another new land to inhabit. When I'm 70 that will be something else new.
We age, we grow, there is no stopping it even if we want to, or try to, or resist change, or fight it. So I might as well relax and enjoy the ride and delight in the changing scenery.
And watch out for big *ss buses!
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Probably not what the OP had in mind!
